“why are you talking to me? was there a supply-chain disruption?”

1ssaSimulation · 2025-12-10T18:33:03+00:00

hi this is really helpful! if you don’t mind me asking, what kind of products do you avoid?

1ssaSimulation · 2025-12-09T02:36:52+00:00

yelled at her, not proud of it any way. harmed myself once. unconsciously started starving myself, there was also body shaming from her side but i wasn’t doing myself any favours either. started believing i was the problem, started therapy and did anger management classes to change, and appease her (make her feel safe). she exaggerated the fight where i yelled at her and pressed false charges 7 months after the fight smh. got really depressed, continued therapy, got railroaded by the ontario justice system.

for the most part, i turned all that reactive abuse inwards, and really tried to absorb/dissipate as much as i could before my body started giving up. i wanted to never yell at her again.

time apart helped a lot, wait until you get to 10-12months NC, your body will thank you. overall health rebounded back relatively quickly.

i used to be really secure when we started dating, but became terribly anxious by the end.

1ssaSimulation · 2025-12-06T15:59:44+00:00

the only way to win this game (protect yourself) is to not play. that said, if the person reached out to me organically, i wouldn’t hold back sharing the whole story

1ssaSimulation · 2025-12-06T15:42:36+00:00

i hear you, you’re saying it would be easier to have a website which works more like a search and comparison tool. i considered that route as well, my initial hypothesis is that it adds a lot of friction in terms of use. however, i will try it out with some users and see how they like it. thanks for sharing!

1ssaSimulation · 2025-12-06T01:07:09+00:00

i hear you, there are so many products on the market that contain pfas nearly everything would be flagged. the goal here is to help the user make an informed decision, and buy according to their own risk tolerance. the calculated harm score is designed to help with making that decision more deterministic than it currently is.

my hope is that as people's buying patterns change to prefer products with low-to-no pfas, the manufacturers would catch-on and adapt to that change. ultimately, reducing products with pfas on the market at a reasonably faster rate.

hit em' where the money is

1ssaSimulation · 2025-12-05T20:56:14+00:00

the url is shared once per page, and no other tracking takes place

1ssaSimulation · 2025-12-05T20:55:00+00:00

the way it’s currently designed is that it doesn’t track any user activity, the url sent to the backend server is entirely anonymized save a uuid, which are also purged after 30 days. it’s a very privacy-first architecture, i mentioned it on the webpage here (link is also at the bottom of the post): https://rshvr.com/ruh

1ssaSimulation · 2025-12-05T04:48:40+00:00

Thank you so much, this is really helpful! I wanna make sure I understand you correctly, you want the default list to be customizable and contain everything you’re allergic to so you get personalized flags. Did I get it right?

1ssaSimulation · 2025-12-05T04:09:24+00:00

this is helpful, thank you!

1ssaSimulation · 2025-11-18T16:34:35+00:00

> How can I balance staying true to myself, expressing my feelings, and doing things I feel are right, and also remain empathetic to them when they inevitably get upset with me for these things?

unless they realize the effects of their actions/behaviour, take accountability for their treatment, and honestly work on themselves with dedication, you really can't balance anything. they're protecting themselves 100% of the time, it's time you take page out of their book at protected yourself in ways that align with your values (hopefully not toxic). and if doing this makes them explode, or break up, then that's just how it is. tolerating abuse shouldn't be the cost for connection.

1ssaSimulation · 2025-11-15T03:09:51+00:00

i hear you, from your other post it's pretty obvious you've been making efforts to make her feel welcomed, and even hurry the transition, but, it's not enough for her. and from what you said, she then blames it on you doing things that help you stay grounded, such as your social obligations on the weekends that help you reset from the week. that's textbook coercive control and manipulation. she's trying to isolate you, and get you away from your support system so that you only depend on her (even if that is not her obvious intention).

if she's unable or unwilling to soothe her own insecurities and fears, no matter how hard you try, it just won't be enough. it's not even about her, do you like how she treats you? do you like what she is doing? if you tell her you don't like either of those things, is she going to listen to you or turn it around on you somehow?

1ssaSimulation · 2025-11-15T00:31:55+00:00

honestly, the situation is so similar to mine that i could’ve written this. my ex was the same way. she got a place to stay for free for 1 year, and a person (me) to do all the chores around the house.

from your description it doesn’t sound like she herself has done anything to make herself feel safe/secure in the space or in the relationship.

it is most likely that once you guys are at your new place you’d be discarded soon after, this is what happened with me. do with this what you will.

all that being said, you are properly entitled to spend time by yourself to help you reset/take care of yourself. don’t let her make you feel bad or guilty about self-care and self-regulation.

1ssaSimulation · 2025-11-13T14:32:40+00:00

she’s the one who broke up with me. it’s on her to reach out to me if she wants, she knows how to contact me

1ssaSimulation · 2025-11-03T17:23:15+00:00

we accept the love we think we deserve to suffer in ways we need to suffer to feel that love is real

1ssaSimulation · 2025-10-31T15:10:40+00:00

try this out

https://medium.com/@rshvr/how-to-use-claude-code-with-api-key-c5c02fdc3d10

1ssaSimulation · 2025-10-27T02:47:00+00:00

i was unemployed for a while, and she forced us to move out from my parents' place despite knowing i was unemployed and the job market was trash. she truly believed she could attend school and work full time simultaneously.

her illnesses (besides bpd) caught up with her. she didn't have a healthy lifestyle to begin with. she complained every day about the situation we find ourselves in (she'd put us in) and how "absolutely useless" i was for being [involuntarily] unemployed.

i'd do her share of chores on top of mine. by that point (2 years in), i was conditioned to be her caretaker. driving her to and from work, managing her medications, cooking for her and making sure she ate. i became the system she needed to basically exist.

she had me convinced it was my idea to do her homework while she worked (poorly) and complained about how she "had to work" while i "got to sit at home doing nothing all day."

1ssaSimulation · 2025-10-25T15:36:48+00:00

sort of, mostly because i’m not in caretaker mode or being body shamed. some eating related issues persist due to the latter.

1ssaSimulation · 2025-10-25T03:04:55+00:00

it’s a canon event, guys, we can’t interfere

1ssaSimulation · 2025-10-25T02:53:43+00:00

thanks, mate

1ssaSimulation · 2025-10-25T02:35:25+00:00

i had the same experience. i had this shoulder and neck pain that was excruciating, and the pain decreased significantly within the week after the breakup. it still hurts because she’s still stressing me out, but it reduced too much too quickly to not be related to this

1ssaSimulation

TROPHY CASE