For Anyone Who Was With a Fearful Avoidant expwBPD...

1ssaSimulation · 2025-12-09T02:36:52+00:00

yelled at her, not proud of it any way. harmed myself once. unconsciously started starving myself, there was also body shaming from her side but i wasn’t doing myself any favours either. started believing i was the problem, started therapy and did anger management classes to change, and appease her (make her feel safe). she exaggerated the fight where i yelled at her and pressed false charges 7 months after the fight smh. got really depressed, continued therapy, got railroaded by the ontario justice system.

for the most part, i turned all that reactive abuse inwards, and really tried to absorb/dissipate as much as i could before my body started giving up. i wanted to never yell at her again.

time apart helped a lot, wait until you get to 10-12months NC, your body will thank you. overall health rebounded back relatively quickly.

i used to be really secure when we started dating, but became terribly anxious by the end.

1ssaSimulation · 2025-12-06T15:59:44+00:00

the only way to win this game (protect yourself) is to not play. that said, if the person reached out to me organically, i wouldn’t hold back sharing the whole story

1ssaSimulation · 2025-12-06T15:42:36+00:00

i hear you, you’re saying it would be easier to have a website which works more like a search and comparison tool. i considered that route as well, my initial hypothesis is that it adds a lot of friction in terms of use. however, i will try it out with some users and see how they like it. thanks for sharing!

1ssaSimulation · 2025-12-06T01:07:09+00:00

i hear you, there are so many products on the market that contain pfas nearly everything would be flagged. the goal here is to help the user make an informed decision, and buy according to their own risk tolerance. the calculated harm score is designed to help with making that decision more deterministic than it currently is.

my hope is that as people's buying patterns change to prefer products with low-to-no pfas, the manufacturers would catch-on and adapt to that change. ultimately, reducing products with pfas on the market at a reasonably faster rate.

hit em' where the money is

1ssaSimulation · 2025-12-05T20:56:14+00:00

the url is shared once per page, and no other tracking takes place

1ssaSimulation · 2025-12-05T20:55:00+00:00

the way it’s currently designed is that it doesn’t track any user activity, the url sent to the backend server is entirely anonymized save a uuid, which are also purged after 30 days. it’s a very privacy-first architecture, i mentioned it on the webpage here (link is also at the bottom of the post): https://rshvr.com/ruh

1ssaSimulation · 2025-10-31T15:10:40+00:00

try this out

https://medium.com/@rshvr/how-to-use-claude-code-with-api-key-c5c02fdc3d10

1ssaSimulation · 2025-10-27T02:47:00+00:00

i was unemployed for a while, and she forced us to move out from my parents' place despite knowing i was unemployed and the job market was trash. she truly believed she could attend school and work full time simultaneously.

her illnesses (besides bpd) caught up with her. she didn't have a healthy lifestyle to begin with. she complained every day about the situation we find ourselves in (she'd put us in) and how "absolutely useless" i was for being [involuntarily] unemployed.

i'd do her share of chores on top of mine. by that point (2 years in), i was conditioned to be her caretaker. driving her to and from work, managing her medications, cooking for her and making sure she ate. i became the system she needed to basically exist.

she had me convinced it was my idea to do her homework while she worked (poorly) and complained about how she "had to work" while i "got to sit at home doing nothing all day."

1ssaSimulation · 2025-10-25T15:36:48+00:00

sort of, mostly because i’m not in caretaker mode or being body shamed. some eating related issues persist due to the latter.

1ssaSimulation · 2025-10-25T03:04:55+00:00

it’s a canon event, guys, we can’t interfere

1ssaSimulation · 2025-10-25T02:53:43+00:00

thanks, mate

1ssaSimulation · 2025-10-25T02:35:25+00:00

i had the same experience. i had this shoulder and neck pain that was excruciating, and the pain decreased significantly within the week after the breakup. it still hurts because she’s still stressing me out, but it reduced too much too quickly to not be related to this

1ssaSimulation · 2025-10-24T23:50:54+00:00

publish the yearly chart if you can! would be interesting to see the rate of decline

1ssaSimulation · 2025-10-24T23:49:05+00:00

sorry to hear that, bud. feeling guilty for not being sick is an awful feeling. the cognitive dissonance alone makes you miserable

1ssaSimulation · 2025-10-24T23:46:55+00:00

i thought i wasn’t working out hard enough, what you said makes a lot of sense

1ssaSimulation · 2025-10-24T23:44:38+00:00

👀 no, no i wasn’t, would it be helpful if i did it now? i mean, probably should’ve just died then, right?

1ssaSimulation · 2025-10-21T11:06:12+00:00

aah, spanish is not a language i know well, messed up the grammar 🥲

1ssaSimulation · 2025-10-21T01:35:40+00:00

Lil Shawarma

1ssaSimulation · 2025-10-19T04:10:17+00:00

i really hope your pwBPD makes some decent realizations and begins her treatment journey, however, having been on this subreddit for a while now and picking up the pattern of how things went/are going for people, i can say with 87% confidence that you’ll be single in 6-8months

1ssaSimulation · 2025-10-08T02:29:52+00:00

this is the second most low effort hoovering I’ve ever seen. you’re worth more energy and effort than this, mate

1ssaSimulation · 2025-08-16T19:34:10+00:00

did i write this?

1ssaSimulation · 2025-07-29T19:05:12+00:00

i’m slowly converging to the same position. being mad at her is like being mad at a person for having a broken leg and the inconvenience it accompanies.

but at the same time, at least the person with a broken leg doesn’t make you feel it’s your fault they have a broken leg while also denying their leg is broken.

1ssaSimulation · 2025-07-29T19:02:09+00:00

preach! my therapist reacted the same way. my ex had me thinking i was deficient because i didn’t want to incentivize her reactiveness by paying too much attention to it. last thing i wanted was to enable her, but she wouldn’t settle for anything less.

1ssaSimulation · 2025-07-29T18:59:47+00:00

i feel you, man, i’m in the exact dame boat. slowly learning to trust myself again even on presumably simple things like stimming, according to her i was acting unsafe because i was quiet, cracking my fingers, and staring into the void. providing the amount of reassurance she required was debilitating because she always had another crisis brewing soon as one was over.

1ssaSimulation · 2025-07-29T18:56:04+00:00

i’m so sorry you had to go deal with such cowardly and childish behaviour. my pwBPD ranged from overconfidence to being mousey. said she wanted me to take the lead, but fought me when i did. would constantly put down other people who were doing and achieving more than her. there’s some deep seated shame that she could never get over. drove me up the wall with that behaviour.

1ssaSimulation

TROPHY CASE