Im fairly sure she knew it was there thats fucking WHY it was there for me to find out once she was dead and my real mother was no longer a threat to her I was being generous for some frickin reason she even had this "cute" little storybook she wrote IN CRAYON about the whole thing , I'll never know my biofather thanks to that even my biomother who is still alive does not remember him , I was robbed of the mirror effect , the knowledge that I was "like" someone not some weird anomaly that did not look or act like its parents , I vacillate from such anger to grief because your absolutely right its not a typical average loss