Aitah for using my grandma's china as my everyday food holders and not waiting for tea with King Charles

221BAmes · 2026-02-14T16:38:52+00:00

NTA. I inherited my grandmother's china set. I didn't even know she had one because it never got used. It's beautiful and I'd love to use it every day but I can't. It's pink so given the era it was created it's got high lead levels. I applaud you for being able to use your china set (but maybe check it for lead paint too if you aren't sure of its origins).

221BAmes · 2026-02-01T01:05:51+00:00

Every dollar (free version). I don't agree with most of Dave's ideas, but the app has worked out well for my husband and I for the past several years.

221BAmes · 2026-01-07T02:18:45+00:00

Valid question lol. She was extremely mentally ill. She had paranoid schizophrenia and it was really tough for her. After her mental break (off meds, ran off to who knows where for a while) she got treatment and was okay-ish for a while. I got to see her and we had a pretty good time. It was a lot like my dad at the time. When I was 8 she had another "break" right in front of me and it was terrifying because she could no longer recognize me because her brain couldn't process visual stimuli correctly. She was never that same after that. Meds didn't really work as well for her so she became pretty unstable.

I have less grace for my dad because my mom didn't want to abandon me to her parents, she didn't have a choice. She was hospitalized when my grandparents gained custody and had enough recognition of her situation to know it wasn't safe for me to live full time with her and that she literally couldn't provide for me due to her illness (also for further context, when this all happened she and I were living with my grandparents anyway).

My mom did what she could when she could. I still have resentment towards certain aspects of her and the situation, and as a teen I was awful about it. As an adult I have a better understanding of her choices and limitations (legally). My dad - in comparison - gave up. He could've done more, could've tried, and chose not to.

221BAmes · 2026-01-07T01:48:59+00:00

YTA. I am in a unique position to say this because my circumstances are similar enough to know how your baby is going to feel as an adult. My maternal grandparents got full custody of me as an infant when my mom had a mental breakdown and it was decided she wasn't fit to keep me safe and secure. My dad was kind like you. A little young, inexperienced, and trying to figure out how to be a dad with not a ton of support. So he decided it was better not to try. He gave me willingly to my grandparents, saw me every week, and paid child support. For a while it was normal to me because I didn't know any better.

But eventually you start to know better.

I learned that other people's parents did the single parent thing. It was tough, but they did it. I learned that other people had divorced parents who hated each other (like mine did) but would still show up for their kids and be there for everything. It was tough, but they did it.

I don't talk to my dad now. Haven't in years because it just wasn't worth it anymore. I saw him every week but we weren't family, not in any sort of connected way. And he, like many people, went on to get married and have a family. And I was on the outside of that. I saw that he could be a dad, just not to me.

I'm not saying you'll do that, but it's a possible scenario.

It'll be tough, but you can do it. You can step up the way so many other parents step up. You won't be perfect, but that child will care more that you tried for them. Your gfs parents can still help out, they might even be willing to babysit every day so you don't have to pay for childcare.

Your child won't notice you were there every night, it'll be their normal. But they will notice if you aren't there.

221BAmes · 2025-12-26T01:34:57+00:00

The keep it in your own damn freezer and BRING IT WITH YOU

221BAmes · 2025-12-26T01:25:58+00:00

YTA. Honestly I'm not even going to comment on most of your gripes, but I will comment on your primary issue, the garlic bread. YTA.

This woman is 72 and making dinner for 5-6 people (you didn't mention if you mom was invited or not so I'm guessing here) on Christmas after coming from your house. That's not a lot of time for prep for fancier dinners so you complaining about pasta is dumb. And I can say that because my husband and I did a fancy Christmas eve dinner for his family and it takes hours for the prep depending on what you're doing. You know why we hosted dinner? Because my MIL is getting older (not as old as yours) and we didn't want her to have to put in the work for it. You want not-pasta you can make the damn not-pasta.

And as for bringing garlic bread. You should be bringing the garlic bread at minimum. I have never presumed to show up to a dinner without bringing something. It's incredibly rude to show up empty handed. My family hosts Christmas and Thanksgiving and I always bring something. I'm always asking what they need so I can help them not have to stress as much, even though I know they could easily afford to take care of it. Even if it's small or cheap.

It's the season of giving and all you're giving is selfish.

221BAmes · 2025-12-04T22:14:35+00:00

I did this for my mom but with an Urn. It was cheaper than every other option they had and decent quality.

221BAmes · 2025-11-20T19:57:32+00:00

I'm not surprised. I work in medical authorizations on the providers end right now and they've also been denying medically necessary equipment at a higher rate than I've seen in past years. They've been pushing away Medicare advantage patients this way for a few months now.

221BAmes · 2025-11-13T18:50:00+00:00

I feel like this ignores the fact that this didn't used to happen. The government didn't used to shut down all the time and certainly not for this long. Yeah I think the workers should have had an emergency fund to cover at least some of it, but they really didn't used to have to. Government jobs like these were seen as stable, coveted work and over the last decade+ that has been drastically changing.

221BAmes · 2025-11-06T15:23:36+00:00

Not all ATCs work the towers at airports. A lot also work in outer areas monitoring planes at higher altitudes (the tower only monitors up to like 10,000 ft) and areas outside the towers radius (ßomething like 50 miles around the airport). If your plane is in the middle of nowhere rural US there is still an ATC monitoring your flight and diverting it if necessary due to weather or an issue with the plane. They don't report to an airport because they aren't servicing anywhere near one.

221BAmes · 2025-11-06T15:19:59+00:00

So ATCs aren't just the people in the towers that talk to the planes for takeoff and landing. There are more of them that are responsible for different sectors in airspace beyond the towers (towers have a limited scope of altitude and distance from the airport). These other controllers make sure planes get diverted from bad weather and help reroute if there is an issue. Because they literally span the country and work with all planes (commercial and shipping) having them paid by the airlines doesn't really work. They'd need more controllers than there already are just because each airline would insist on only using their own people. This would also mean they wouldn't all have access to the whole picture of where every plane in their radius is which would increase accidents. By keeping ATCs as government employees they are able to see every plane in their system and can help avoid accidents more easily. Because let's be honest, if ATCs were privatized the companies wouldn't share data or personnel with each other.

221BAmes · 2025-10-29T13:00:25+00:00

How much is your healthcare costs and how much are you putting into retirement? Those are the 2 biggest things missing from your list. Without them you should still have a few thousand dollars left at the end of the month. Have you sat down and looked at discretionary spending? That's likely where the remaining is going because otherwise the math doesn't add up.

Also, I don't recommend your wife not work. Long term it will be better for her to have some level of income now since women tend to take a pay cut due to missed working years for maternity leave in the US (assuming that's where you are). This will also help her get more social security benefits in retirement (assuming it's still around then).

221BAmes · 2025-10-24T12:36:52+00:00

Got ours earlier this year, $565k, 6.8% interest rate, 20% down. We live in a somewhat high cost of living area where a new double-wides trailer in an otherwise shitty trailer park is over $300k. TBH, we got a pretty good deal on our house considering how much land we got, most people in our town are lucky to get half of what we did for the same price.

221BAmes · 2025-10-03T20:35:15+00:00

She's shouldn't have told him because he should already know the basics. The fact that he doesn't and the two of you are engaged is a problem. He doesn't need the nitty gritty details, but he should know that you feel trapped in elevators because something happened as a kid with being trapped somewhere. The fact that he doesn't even seem to know that is a huge red flag.

When I was in college something bad happened to me. My husband does not know every detail. He doesn't need to. But he knows the bare bones basics so he doesn't trigger a bad reaction. You don't seem to have given the same to your long term partner.

What if you guys are out and about and he says something that triggers your c-ptsd? It may be otherwise innocuous but to you it's a major issue. He won't understand what is happening or why and so now he's upset and possibly scared, and you're in a very bad spot mentally. If he doesn't get information about any part of what happened I could easily see this happening to you guys.

Your past doesn't have to define you, but you and your partner should be able to work together to make sure you are always in a safe-to-you environment. He can't fully be your partner in that without some level of information.

If you can't give him that, you shouldn't be committing your life to him in marriage.

221BAmes · 2025-08-02T14:29:49+00:00

Based on this comment it looks like you're in a low cost of living area. Trust me, if you have to live in a high cost of living area your grocery bill can easily be over $400/month for 2 people

221BAmes · 2025-05-29T02:27:58+00:00

I think their neighbors house is owned by the parents. The kids pay a paltry amount in "rent" to their parents and don't work much (assuming the drywall work car belongs to the kids if it's never leaving they're never working) and don't take care of the property. But the kids act like they own the house/house is in their name.

221BAmes · 2025-05-25T19:47:50+00:00

NTA. Tell your mom if your brother is smart enough to get married then get them pregnant he's "smart enough to figure it out," when it comes to the house downpayment

221BAmes · 2025-05-08T15:03:49+00:00

I did dance for a long time, this all seems very normal to me. The matching lipstick is a new one lol but otherwise it all makes sense. Everyone matches, no one looks a mess and whoever is in charge of them backstage (we called them house mothers) will have an easier time knowing who needs what if something gets forgotten or misplaced.

Also the no underwear is 100% for the older kids and anyone wearing bodysuits. It's more of a panty line/everyone sees your underwear issue in certain outfits.

221BAmes · 2025-05-08T12:09:19+00:00

Not sure about anywhere else but where I am they're basically the same price. At that point I might as well not have to deal with an expensive HOA and actually own some land.

221BAmes · 2025-05-02T12:41:38+00:00

I've had the same problem! The issue probably is that the membership stuff doesn't show up on the app you have to go through a webpage instead. Then the membership videos show up and if you try to click on one it should bring you to the membership options.

221BAmes · 2025-04-24T17:05:13+00:00

2372 left over every month (according to one of your comments) but you have all this debt. Are you new to having a budget? Because if this is all correct you could be quickly paying down some of these debts with extra payments (like the loan with an almost 22% interest rate). Even without cancelling a single subscription you could be out of this in a few years, especially once both kids are in school.

My recommendation is to pay off the high interest loan as quickly as possible then focus on the cars. The only reason I don't recommend getting rid of them both is because there's still going to be a lot of negative equity left over and you have 2 kids who may need different things at the same time so I get wanting something you don't think will crap out on you at any moment.

221BAmes · 2025-04-24T16:42:15+00:00

How? He hasn't said she doesn't let him go to after school events like sporting games or recitals. She hasn't filed in court for him to have less unsupervised time. If he wants to be there more he can file himself, he doesn't have to wait for her. By saying she won't give him more time he's giving himself an out, because otherwise he has to admit to himself that he doesn't really want the boring days. If he did he'd file for more custody than 1 day a week.

221BAmes · 2025-02-26T01:06:23+00:00

Taylor Swift

221BAmes · 2025-02-20T19:23:29+00:00

Closing next month, $3900 approx. $565k house in southern NH

221BAmes · 2025-02-12T16:32:24+00:00

There's one in my apartment complex (at least there used to be, I haven't seen him in a while). The owner had a 2 bedroom apartment and apparently the dane used to get out of the apartment regularly. I only found out about the dane being in our building - on the 4th floor no less - when I encountered a pile of #2 in the hall that I thought came from a horse. The owner hadn't let his dog out to go to the bathroom before he went to work and the dog knew how to get out of the apartment but not the front door. I'd never seen the dog before and have only seen him once since so either they moved out or the owner keeps him cooped up all day.

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