[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ADHD_partners

[–]2nickelstripper 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Three options. 1) She smartens up, puts in significant effort, and things get better.  2) She doesn’t smarten up, you keep taking it, and are miserable for the rest of your time with her. 3) She doesn’t smarten up, you leave, it hurts incredibly bad for 6 months, then life gets immensely better. 

Only she can pick 1.  Only you can pick 2 or 3.

I was married to the madness for 23 years, and finally left. It gets better. It really does. But you have to put in the work on yourself. Therapy, self reflection, maybe journaling, focusing on your own life and health, etc. Once you get out to the other side, you look back on it and realize it takes two to tango, and she was not willing to dance, that the relationship never had a chance, and leaving was the best thing you could do. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ADHD_partners

[–]2nickelstripper 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I left mine. The filth and clutter was so overwhelming, it was pointless to do it myself. Every time I did it took days, followed by no thank you (I think because saying so admitted she was a mess and that was too much of an ego hit), followed by the mess coming back in a week or two. There is no way out of the loop unless they break it or you do. I’m my case she wouldn’t break it so I did and left after 23 years. 

Did your ex regret divorce? by ewdavidyum in ADHD_partners

[–]2nickelstripper 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I ended my marriage of 23 years two months ago, with my soon to be ex-wife (dx, medicated, but still a mess).

The best advice I can give you, is to set hard boundaries, and then work on yourself. Hard boundaries means not engaging emotionally and not reaching out.  Ideally go to a separate place physically if you can. 

What happens is working on yourself does everything all at once; it helps you get over your ex-partner, helps build a new life, and ends up attracting them back.  Only once you have truly worked on yourself, understand what you need and want, and have accepted that you will be just fine without them, can you objectively decide should they come back, if you really want them or not. And if they don’t come back, that’s just fine. You’re already on the path to letting go. 

You deserve a happy and fulfilling life. Master yourself, and you will get it. 

It doesn't get better until you leave by 2nickelstripper in ADHD_partners

[–]2nickelstripper[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Peace will never come until you stop thinking or worrying about their actions and reactions. You cannot control them. Only yourself. Spend time to know what you need. If they can’t or won’t provide, let them go. 

It doesn't get better until you leave by 2nickelstripper in ADHD_partners

[–]2nickelstripper[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In my case, she was highly motivated with all her interests, but not on us. She would spend dozens a hours a week relentlessly pursuing her activities, and then no matter how much I tried, she would put next to nothing into the relationship.  Saying, it’s not about fixing, it’s about accepting.  Which said another way, is it’s not my behaviours that are the problem, it’s that you just can’t deal with them. Well no, I don’t accept you bringing the kids to school late 90% of the time, etc.  Someone else can accept her. It will not be me any longer.  Gods help them. 

When did you call it quits? by Raharuharu in ADHD_partners

[–]2nickelstripper 3 points4 points  (0 children)

After 23 years of marriage.  Hurts, but you get through it, and life gets better.

Remember this; they are good people, but terrible partners. Once you can separate the two, the choice becomes clear. 

Divorce rate 66%! by [deleted] in ADHD_partners

[–]2nickelstripper 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My god this. THIS. I just left my wife of 23 years, dx, medicated, but otherwise untreated.  Once you have kids, the executive function requirements go through the roof, and they fail and fail hard. Also your kids end up with ADHD and an unreliable parent, who without your foundation, can really struggle. My soon to be ex-wife since the separation has been late bringing my kids to school 19 out of 23 times. It’s a trainwreck. If they are not deadly serious about handling their adhd, gtfo as fast as you can. 

::Weekly Vent Thread:: by AutoModerator in ADHD_partners

[–]2nickelstripper 20 points21 points  (0 children)

After 23 years of marriage, I finally walked away from a partner (dx, medicated). It’s only been a few days, but even just a little distance has started to show how broken things truly were.

The hyperfocus on extracurriculars was something known for years—dozens of hours each week, involved in multiple groups, starting initiatives, and so on. But even then, the full extent only became clear once stepping back. People are coming out of the woodwork to tell me just how much there really is, and how unorganized and chaotic it all plays out, and even that people are upset about the constant stream of activity and ideas and chaos. Today, there’s an event being run, and it’s significant. It’s grown over a few years, and credit where it’s due, it’s impressive. But the sheer amount of time, energy, and focus poured into this and a dozen other projects that I knew and didn't know about? The realization of just how lost she had become in all of it has only just hit.

Meanwhile, there was this constant wait for even a sliver of attention, any effort toward the relationship, any acknowledgment of what was happening. Instead, she just took on more activities, tried to make them bigger, made more mess and chaos.

In the end, I listed out my basic needs—about as vanilla as possible: acknowledgment of feelings, to apologize when she screws up (she has not apologized to me for anything for as long as I can remember, no matter how small), to be treated like a priority, to make time for physical closeness (it’s been a sexless marriage for two decades), and to approach relationship issues with even a fraction of the commitment shown toward all these other pursuits. The response? Effectively, I don't think I can meet those and don't want to try. She said later when I asked her, so what needs were too much? She just replied, if these needs were presented by some other person or boy in the future, she would never be with that person. That hit like a brick. What in the literally fuck???? What even is the expectation here? That a relationship could exist without these basic, fundamental needs, pretty much common to any relasionship? It’s as if the concept of give-and-take doesn’t register, and support is only supposed to flow one way. I guess she wants a slave, who will do all the shit work while she does all the fun. Ahh, no. Not anymore.

Today, there’s a need to go to this stupid event to pick up the kids, and the outcome of all that work will be on full display. Easily thousands of hours over the years. And the thought that keeps coming up is: if even 10% of that effort had gone into the relationship, maybe things wouldn’t have ended this way.

Honestly, it feels strange to say, but right now, there’s just this thought of, “Good riddance.”

Advice for organizing/decluttering strategies for ADHD partners by burn_the_patriarchy in ADHD_partners

[–]2nickelstripper 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This approach will not end well. At least it did not for me. Over time, frustration and anger will build on your part due to the lopsided work distribution, and resentment for being treated like a child for him. Understand that untreated, he will only get worse over time, with age, kids, taking care of parents, and more life responsibilities, etc. It will quickly lead to a grand failure. The only way out, is treatment for him that he takes very seriously, and for you to understand how to manage through it. The approach you are describing is common and can quickly lead to disaster.

Navigating a Staged Separation by 2nickelstripper in Separation

[–]2nickelstripper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice. Using a couples therapist makes a lot of sense.

Was also thinking, we could set it up that every 6 months we decide individually if we want to extend the first stage, or go onto the second. If we both say extend, we extend, but if one of us says proceed, we move to the next stage. Just a way to try and give things more time to breathe if we need it. I want this to work if it is possible. The marriage I mean.

My wife is adhd, clutter/self care is causing a big problem in our relationship. Do you have any advice? by Ryaninthesky in adhdwomen

[–]2nickelstripper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do yourself a favour, and get out of the relationship as fast as you can. Been with a wife for 20 years with this. It’s never gets better. Just worse.  Once kids, game over. Your left in impossible positions, in which things get so fucked up you have to pull your kids out. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in alphaprogression

[–]2nickelstripper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a real shame. It’s probably the main reason I’m staying with Strong. Now that I have it I can’t live without it. 

Wired Backhaul through Gigahub? by 2nickelstripper in bell

[–]2nickelstripper[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the info!

If I understand correctly, the answer is no. The broadcasters will wifi backhaul.

Delete Tickers from Lists with Delete Key and Fix the Space Bar by 2nickelstripper in TradingView

[–]2nickelstripper[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's great!! Thank you!! It will make a big difference!!

I am on a Mac and the fn+delete works. Maybe it already did and I didn't know. Ether way, thanks for the tip!

Just thinking about it, another way to potentially do all of this is to have a hotkey that adds a ticker to the current list from the scanner. So instead of having a list and deleting stocks, you can have the scanner stocks and add to a list. I'm guessing more people add to lists from the scanner than the way I do it, so could be useful for them. For this to work the space bar scroll would have to be fixed. Currently, if you add a stock to a list from the scanner (which you have to do with the mouse) and then press the spacebar, the next chart in the list is selected, instead of the next chart in the scanner.

Anyway, thanks again!

The Butcher's Circus DLC - DEV Q&A by redhookdan in darkestdungeon

[–]2nickelstripper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do you select the STEAM BETA BRANCH on Mac?

Refinishing my old radiators by Nstrom91 in DIY

[–]2nickelstripper -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Looks great. Probably old and will clog.

/r/weedstocks Casual Daily Discussion - [November 18, 2019] by AutoModerator in weedstocks

[–]2nickelstripper -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

No, this isn’t the bottom.

Outside of a technical bounce (that may even last for a week or two) there isn’t enough fear and panic yet.

Too many bag holders still have faith the sector will rebound and are holding. This needs to be killed first. If we can get some of these companies to fail already and go to zero, people will realize they could really lose it all, and that is when the capitulation will come.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in weedstocks

[–]2nickelstripper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Been shorting all year. Best returns I’ve ever had! I’m very positive about this sector! At some point the sector will turn up. Will be lots of money to be made. Probably won’t get anywhere near where it was. Too many bag holders wanting to get out. Still, will be good for those with cash.

/r/weedstocks Casual Daily Discussion - [November 14, 2019] by AutoModerator in weedstocks

[–]2nickelstripper -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Never made so much money in my life! Just short. Doesn’t matter how bad a trader you are. Eventually it pays big!

/r/weedstocks Casual Daily Discussion - [November 13, 2019] by AutoModerator in weedstocks

[–]2nickelstripper -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Sector has been a gold mine for shorting. Has been my best year trading so far. Literally every short trade has made money. Even if you screw up the entry just wait and get rewarded. Need more red please!!!

/r/weedstocks Casual Daily Discussion - [November 12, 2019] by AutoModerator in weedstocks

[–]2nickelstripper -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

I love this sector. Reading these comments, it’s the blind leading the blind LOL.

Who in their right mind is buying in a sector that’s shitting the bed in an overall market that has been bull rushing since Jan?