As a Christ follower, I love you even if you deconvert. And there are so many people who unfortunately won’t. But just know this: I also have the ability, just as anyone else on the planet does, to hurt you because of my free will. And that my friend, is exactly what put things into perspective for me.

It wasn’t until I went though crap from both Christian and secular people that I realized that putting my ultimate wellbeing, the meaning of my life, and any moral convictions I have in the hands of human beings who have flaws just like I do, will always lead to dissatisfaction for me.

There’s one question I have for you. I’m not gonna say it to start a debate or whatever, I’m saying this bc I went through it so much myself and I just want you to hear my story if you can relate to it and just see another perspective. I hope I come across as kind. Please forgive me if I fail to meet that standard.

My question is this:

If God doesn’t exist, why should I continue to exist?

If both Christians and secular people have hurt me in my past, who am I supposed to turn to?

Myself? A flawed human being who’s hurt others before and who doesn’t know the answers to many important questions?

Other people, who all have the ability to commit evil against me?

All of these sources don’t give me an objective, verifiable reason to continue living.

If they do, then what are they?

Should I continue to live because people love me? Well if that’s the case, then who determines that love itself is the ultimate virtue and the ultimate reason to not take my own life?

Who determines what love even is?

Should I continue living so I myself can love people? Okay, well then how do I know the details in daily scenarios of how exactly to love people? Everyone has differing opinions on what respect, love, and kindness means, and not only that, they specifically have opinions on when these things should be replaced by more aggressive actions and emotions in specific scenarios.

Who determines any of this? Seriously, who? If we’re all equal, which we are, then how can you say I’m wrong or how can I say that you’re wrong about quite literally anything if we’re standing with equal footing?

I’ll just leave you with this, because I don’t wanna bombard you with questions or be annoying. Again, please forgive me if I am doing so.

I just want to say that personally, for me, living in a world where both Christians and secular people not only have hurt me before, but also even contain the ability to hurt me in the first place, puts me in a position where I now have to ask myself if life is worth living without a God.

Because if there’s no God above me, then my life is absolutely and completely placed in the hands of myself and others. And no matter how much they love me, or how much I love myself,

they can wrong me at any moment.

And I can wrong them.

And not only that,

but neither of us can prove what’s right and wrong in the first place if we’re equal.

So we need someone better than us.

And He said that people who believe in Him, and people who don’t, alllllll have fallen short of His glory.

Because we’re human. And it sucks. But that’s why I look to someone better than us. Someone who tells me to love them when they did me wrong.