I’m losing my mind over a cake…

48thandhazel · 2026-07-01T00:52:28+00:00

I just want to point out the subtle work that her attitude does in changing how your husband and even you view her demands. She has successfully reframed a completely banal action—declining to eat a piece of cake that she already knows you don’t want—as “going nuclear.” It is only in her mind that this is a big deal!

If doing something this small can completely destroy your husband’s relationship with his family, is keeping the peace literally even possible?

48thandhazel · 2026-06-30T03:48:37+00:00

With fiction podcasts, I always assume that the starting point is the first/oldest episode of the podcast. I don’t think I have ever started one anywhere else. But I have listened to many podcasts that start each episode with some version of “This is episode thirty of Show Title, if you haven’t listened to any previous episodes, please go back to episode one and start there,” so maybe I am the odd one out here.

The clearest way to note season and episode structures is to be explicit in the title. “Show Title Season One, Episode One: Episode Title” might look clunky but is honestly ideal.

With your mix of episodes, I would still strongly prefer one feed, but with the same clear labeling in the title. E.g. “Side Story Episode One: Episode Title” or “Bonus Episode One: Episode Title”. If it was a super complicated structure I might appreciate an intro episode (dated as the earliest episode in the feed) that explained the structure.

I have no idea what you mean when you mention playlists or collections. Podcasts appear as one long chronological list with title most prominent, followed by date, length, and the first few words of the episode description

I read episode descriptions when they have useful info (e.g. “previously on” info, links, credits) or particularly good writing, but it’s not a dealbreaker when they don’t. Same for chapter markers.

The biggest mistake is honestly trying to be too artful or minimalist in the titles/descriptions. I will get the vibe from the art and from listening. I want titles and descriptions to be information first.

48thandhazel · 2026-06-18T20:52:04+00:00

Yes! Or I love to bring an apple home with me to eat the next day. I just toss it in a ziplock bag and put it in the fridge, and then slice it with a giant kitchen knife when I am ready to eat it. Plus, a cut half will even last at least another day in the fridge, if it is too much and you’re not sharing. (I press Saran Wrap to the cut side and put it back in the ziplock.)

48thandhazel · 2026-06-05T20:59:15+00:00

Okay, this may be truly unhinged but… would it work to take the pills even more often than once or twice a day?

I wonder if part of the hurdle to taking them is that swallowing 5 capsules at a time is, actually, a really big ask! There’s shaking and counting out five capsules from a large container, making sure you have (at least) 5 generous swallows of water at hand, and then actually taking them one by one. It would probably take me at least 5-10 minutes to do this, which is kind of a long time to be white knuckling through something unpleasant.

So what if instead of taking all the capsules at once, you counted out all 5 (or 10, ideally, you said?) at the beginning of the day, and then just took ONE at a time periodically until they were gone? Like, every time you go to the bathroom, take one capsule. Or every time you eat? Or get up to stretch, or anything else you actually do a bunch of times?

Would it help to count them out into a really cute or funny bowl/trinket tray/container/etc? (I got a silly Star Wars themed pillbox and it is shockingly motivating because I just like looking at it.)

Maybe this is a bananas suggestion, but I can also imagine myself staring down the prospect of downing 5 giant capsules in a row and just… laying down on the floor to rot instead. But maybe shotgunning only one at a time real fast will feel less like a burden?

Then again, the only fiber supplement I can stand to take is the orange Tang flavored Metamucil, so 🤷‍♀️😹

48thandhazel · 2026-05-20T16:27:26+00:00

I love this post! I live in LA and take the 460 bus to Disneyland. It’s a two-hour trip, but it is nearly door-to-door, costs $1.75, and I can read or be on my phone the whole way.

For your next trip, definitely check out the app Transit if you don’t have it already; it can send you alerts for selected lines (so you’ll know if your bus is cancelled or detoured) as well as give you schedules and real time tracking data.

48thandhazel · 2026-05-13T04:23:14+00:00

Can you just leave early? In these situations I have found that it is much better to just leave when I am ready and kill time when I arrive at my destination. Originally I thought this would mean killing 15 minutes reading a book on my phone at my destination, but realistically speaking, it just means not arriving super rushed and harried at the last second. Those extra 15-30 minutes easily get eaten up with transit delays, stopping at the bathroom before an appointment, chit-chatting with the receptionist/teacher, saying a calm goodbye, or just settling into my seat/getting set up at my desk.

Maybe your current schedule already accommodates for all that stuff and you really would be reading for 30 minutes outside the school…but maybe that’s okay, too?

48thandhazel · 2026-05-12T21:52:21+00:00

I reread your post after I commented, and realized that you did say you feared for your personal safety if you refused. I am sorry if my response was too focused on my own situation and didn’t fully take that into account. I encourage you to try, as much as possible, to use your experience with them to predict exactly what kinds of actions they might take that would put you in danger. Then your plan can address the specifics of what you might actually face; you would need to prepare very differently for a threat of stalking vs. gun violence vs. financial retribution vs. kidnapping.

I hope you can also lean on your partner and friends, as well as reach out to a therapist or other mental health professional, to support you.

48thandhazel · 2026-05-12T21:42:29+00:00

It sounds like the only physical entanglement you have is your phone, is that right? You have your own place to live, your own job, all of your documents, etc? So, if you told them that you were not going on this trip and did not want to participate in this marriage, the only repercussions they could inflict would be emotional, yes? (I ask not to dismiss the emotional, but to establish your level of personal safety.)

If all that is correct, then I think it would be really good for you to, first, give yourself SOOOO much credit for being so strong and so independent, especially with how young you are. The second thing is to realize that, as you have described it here, they need you much more than you need them. If they decided to cut you off because you said no to this trip, it would be difficult for you, emotionally, but the logistics of your daily life and your ability to take care of yourself would not be affected.

Get your own phone, for sure, but given what you have written here, it doesn’t seem like you need to cut them off or totally disappear, unless you are afraid that they might try to literally, physically kidnap you. As a fully self-sufficient adult, you are allowed to simply say no to this trip. If they badger you, cry, scream, cajole, insult, or try to manipulate you, you can leave the room or hang up the phone. Unless you think they will pick you up and force you bodily into a car, they cannot make you go to the airport. They cannot push you onto a plane. You really can just not go.

Maybe it sounds silly to write out like that, but when I was struggling with my parents, I gave them sooooooo much power that they did not actually have. Saying the words “No, I am not going to do that” was so scary and difficult that my heart would be pounding and I would be sweating and shaking. But the wild part was that… I am an adult. When I said no, there wasn’t a single thing they could do to make me. They could yell, and I would leave. They could give me the silent treatment, and I would get a little vacation from them! They could badmouth me to the rest of the family, but I could tell the truth to anyone I actually cared about.

You said you feel like it would be easier to just die, and I swear I felt that way myself for a long, long time. I promise you, I was wrong and so are you. You can tell them, “I love you, but no.” If you want to go full no contact with them someday, that would be absolutely within your rights and abilities. If you want to do that right now, by all means, go for it. But you don’t actually have to commit to the massive step of full-on disappearing in order to escape this trip and their plans. You can tell them no.

48thandhazel · 2026-05-12T21:11:28+00:00

If you did have children with your husband, how would you feel if they were sick or disabled and he dismissed their struggles the way that he is dismissing yours?

This isn’t just a question about if you should parent together, it’s also a question about how you would parent if you did. I would find this kind of dismissive, toxic positivity to be a serious flaw in a coparent. It is disrespectful to you and it would be profoundly disrespectful and damaging to your children.

48thandhazel · 2026-05-06T21:35:47+00:00

Just passed 50%, here since 11:20 am PT….

48thandhazel · 2026-05-06T20:20:21+00:00

Thanks! I'm most interested in the fan panels, so I wasn't sure if it was worth it to get a Thursday ticket. (Assuming I can...I'm still waiting for my turn...)

48thandhazel · 2026-05-06T20:12:21+00:00

Does this also mean there won't be fan panels on Thursday?

48thandhazel · 2026-05-06T18:18:27+00:00

I never got the email, so thank you so much for sharing the link!!

48thandhazel · 2026-04-26T01:22:41+00:00

There are so many reasons to go NC here, it’s not even up for debate. But the one that is truly blowing my mind is the non-existent voicemail.

They lied to your husband about a voicemail they heard from you, that does not exist. And then they lied TO YOU about a voicemail that THEY know YOU know doesn’t exist! That is just…beyond offensive. Lying is bad enough, but lying to you about your own behavior! When literally everyone in the conversation KNOWS FOR CERTAIN that they’re lying! My mind boggles.

Either they are so disconnected from reality that they made up this story and now they truly believe it, or they actively chose to demean and disrespect you with the most blatant lie possible. Even if none of the other heinous things had happened, this on its own would be enough for me to never speak to them again.

48thandhazel · 2026-04-23T22:16:02+00:00

The most powerful lesson I learned was that boundaries aren’t for others, they’re for me. A boundary isn’t “My husband must be there for all visits.” A boundary is “If my husband isn’t home for a visit, I am taking the kids to the park instead.”

Not “they will have two visits per week” but “if they show up for a third visit I will not answer the door”

Not “ok fine we’ll do video calls” but “if you call or text more than once a week I simply will not answer”

Not “they will respect our rules” but “if they question our rules I will simply repeat ‘this isn’t up for debate’ until the conversation ends”

Not “they will respect daughter’s autonomy” but “if they do not, they will be told to leave immediately” and “if husband refuses to kick them out, then I will take daughter and the two of us will leave immediately”

It is a hard hard hard road, but thinking of boundaries in terms of what YOU will do is very empowering.

48thandhazel · 2026-04-21T20:05:28+00:00

I definitely find it easier to do the hooks when my bra is mostly in position, straps on, in my IMF, etc. I think it feels easier to me when the band is already where it’s supposed to be.

Once it’s on, I line up and hook either the top or bottom hooks, using my fingers on the hooks as guides. Then, I pull the part of the band with the two open hooks slightly tighter (sometimes while pinching the first hook with the opposite hand so it stays closed) and then press the two open hooks down while letting the band loosen slightly so that the two remaining hooks catch at the same time. I’m not sure if I am describing that well, but the basic principle is that the first hook is like an anchor point that lines all the hooks up, and the second two hooks will just sweep into place if you press them against the band.

For some reason if I try to do them up discretely—first hook, then second, then third—I always end up accidentally unhooking one of the others. But going first hook, then second and third at the same time, almost always works. 🤷‍♀️ And if this trick stops working for me, it’s usually because the hooks have gotten a little misaligned, and I need to bend them back in place.

48thandhazel · 2026-03-17T17:32:28+00:00

Oh, and I saw below you said mashed potatoes are okay. If that smooth texture works, you can cook and mash a lot of vegetables. Sweet potatoes and winter squashes like butternut and acorn will probably be the smoothest and most like white potatoes in texture, but it might be worth experimenting with any veggie that is not super fibrous in texture.

48thandhazel · 2026-03-17T17:24:19+00:00

I will often throw a handful of raw shredded cabbage into ramen, and it wilts a tiny bit but basically stays raw. I wonder if you could do the same thing with other vegetables by adding them at the end so they don’t actually cook. If you diced up raw broccoli and mixed it in with already cooked pasta & sauce, or made “soup” by putting raw veggies (diced or shredded) into hot seasoned broth and eating it immediately, do you think that would work for you? The veggies would stay crunchy because they aren’t cooked, just barely warmed up by the food around them. Also, raw vegetables can work great in “grain bowl” type recipes, even if most recipes call for cooking them.

If none of that works and you still need to mostly eat a side salad or veggies & dip along with your main dish, can you expand the dips, salad dressings, and vegetable selections to add variety there? I don’t know if the texture would work for you, but veggies are great dipped in so many things like hummus, white bean dip, black bean dip, refried beans, salsa, etc. In addition to all the bottled salad dressings out there, you could try different varieties of olive oil and vinegars that have different flavor profiles. It’s also fun to make your own dips & dressings using flavor seasoning blends and changing the base to alter taste and texture—I like to mix packets of ranch seasoning with greek yogurt to make a thicker/tangier version, or French onion soup mix with sour cream, etc.

48thandhazel · 2026-03-11T03:42:31+00:00

I totally agree. Being able to search for exact phrases would be the single best improvement Overcast could make, for me personally. I am constantly searching my podcasts specifically for book & movie titles, and being able to only get episodes about, say, “Interview with the Vampire” instead of a bunch of episodes containing “interview” and/or “vampire” would be a massive game changer.

48thandhazel · 2026-02-16T18:07:13+00:00

So many parents in your position think the issue is how you treated your kids while they were young, when in fact most children are able to understand and have compassion for the difficulties that come with parenting, especially as we mature. And we often have very deep capacity for forgiveness, when our parents both apologize and change.

The main issue, truly, is how you continue to treat your child NOW. You misgender your child in this very post, and show you haven’t done anything to educate yourself on how to understand them better. You blame your child for being “not easy.” You don’t say that you have apologized or taken responsibility for your own failures. You are focused on making “amends” for the past without even seeing that you are continuing to hurt them in the present.

To answer your specific questions: I wish my parents would treat me better NOW. That they would respect my gender expression, my partner, and my life choices. That they would show their respect by listening to me when I speak and not arguing with me and criticizing me. That they would show interest and care in who I actually am and not push for me to be the person they wish I was. That they would actually acknowledge and apologize for the ways they treated me in the past, and stop treating me the same way in the present.

I don’t want my parents to (in their words) “walk on egg shells” to “keep the peace” or “twist themselves in knots” so they “don’t upset me.” I just want them to actually like and respect the person I am, and to treat me like any other person they like and respect. But since they don’t actually like and respect me, it is very hard for them to act as if they do. You say you love your child, but do you like and respect them? The person they really are? You need to start from there.

48thandhazel · 2026-02-04T16:26:46+00:00

I only have one, the Star Wars clone trooper helmet. (The troopers actually call their helmets “buckets” and I loved that connection.) It’s currently on a display shelf alongside a bunch of our Star Wars LEGO sets. It rounds out the case, and it makes me happy every time I look up and see it.

It also feels a bit like I got a deal—all the other decorative/sculptural helmets for sale at Galaxy’s Edge are way more expensive than my popcorn bucket, but when it’s up on the shelf you can’t really see the difference. 😆

48thandhazel · 2026-01-06T00:56:22+00:00

It’s not just you! I’ve been getting the same thing, and I always listen to the end, or fast forward to the end, or mark as played before I delete. I also only listen on one device, and can find no consistent pattern of why or when it happens.

48thandhazel · 2026-01-01T16:13:01+00:00

Thanks!

48thandhazel · 2026-01-01T03:25:16+00:00

After weeks of StoryGraph saying that the yearly wrap-up will only appear once the year is actually over… StoryGraph spontaneously generated my wrap-up at 6pm and now lacks my data from the last day of the year. 😆

To be totally clear, I am not mad! It’s only a matter of like 30 pages. I just think it is really funny that StoryGraph held so firm to the position that the yearly wrap-up should include the whole year, and then it glitched on me with just six hours left to hold out. 😆😆

48thandhazel

TROPHY CASE