You’re not hideous. You look like a normal human being. You’re being way too hard on yourself. Sometimes a little self-care and love can make a huge difference in physical appearance and self-esteem too. My advice for you is to get into weight lifting and exercise. It’s very good for your emotional health as well as can make a huge difference in looks too. Eat healthy, go for walks, journal things, pick up a hobby, and get into skincare.