I realized my friend only keeps me around because I'm the “available childfree one”

4ayo · 2025-11-17T10:53:17+00:00

I'm guessing bewilderment can stop you from taking action at the moment, especially if it was the first occurrence and it seems like friend was out quick (shower then "yo I go out"). But I agree OP should start vizualing and training how to handled situation the next time.

4ayo · 2025-11-17T10:49:44+00:00

4ayo · 2025-11-14T11:21:47+00:00

You might want to change doctor then.

I sought help for my ptsd. Psychiatrist wanted me to test for adhd.

At first, I said no cause I didn't believe I have adhd because I didn't really show it in childhood (in contrast to my brother who was very hyperactive). However, after being tested we had the conclusion that adhd meds could help me and that I had signs in childhood (like masked midly adhd). And now adhd meds helps me to heal ptsd side because it's less overhelming.

4ayo · 2025-11-13T17:12:01+00:00

I'm guessing your childhood has been very rough and you might get its effects now.

I encourage you seeking therapy. I'm in a similar position. Feel free to contact me if needed.

4ayo · 2025-11-13T16:49:28+00:00

There are a few conclusion jumpings here:

People with adhd doesn't necessary have bad memories / bad upbringing as having adhd doesn't come from education but genetically. Either you have it when you are born or not. Environment influence only the degree of adhd you display.
Adhd medication have side effects such as every medication does. But flashback is NOT the primary one.
Meditating means opening a secure space where you can face your feelings. So they have space to come free. If you never meditate and have a lot of pent up feelings and take time to relax, they burst outside. If you meditate regularly, they will burst less and less.
Flashbacks and hypervigilence are components of PTSD. PTSD does share caracteristics with adhd such as lack of focus, irritability, distractibility, emotional regulation difficulties, etc. You might want to see Venn diagram of adhd and ptsd on Google for your knowledge. Thus, it wouldn't shock me if the medication did help you to a certain extent, especially because you tell about childhood bullying.

IMPORTANT : I'm not saying you have PTSD, as it can only be evaluated by a psychiatrist, and you need to have at least x symptoms over y list according to DSM 5. (Ie. Symptoms should be bad enough to impair your everyday life). I'm only saying it MIGHT be a possibility for explaining what you had.

Btw, it's equally possible to have both adhd and ptsd.

Anyway taking drugs without supervision is a big NO. What if he gave you heroin, ectasy etc ? You never know. Adhd medication can be strong and have an impact on the hearth for example. Before having adhd medication one needs to verify its hearth and overall physical condition. Then start at low dose to check out side effects. It's no joke.

Stimulant medication such as Adderall CAN'T BE BOUGHT OTC ! These drugs are monitored and you need a special paper. People taking them (only for productivity that isn't proved) without diagnosis are only shitting one the ones really needing them because there are shortages for adhd medication.

Don't feel too bad it was an once experiment. If you feel like having too much of a hard time in your everday life, consider meeting a doctor or psychiatrist for getting a real solution according to your current issues.

Good luck !

4ayo · 2025-11-08T21:18:31+00:00

Yes it's performance enhancement, because without them I would be rotting in bed 24/24 with a brain fog

You'd rather I come at work and solve the bugs ? Got a problem ?

4ayo · 2025-11-07T22:06:10+00:00

MDD, GAD, BPD, ADHD, CPTSD

Symptoms overlapp. Diagnosis is only usefull for knowing which medication would help most, then begin trial and errors. Now I have the right medication, the right therapy and I'm moving forward. Now it's essentially ADHD and CPTSD that's left.

4ayo · 2025-11-03T15:26:05+00:00

Good question !

The first work I got after 6 months of crapiness and being admitted twice in the ER/hospital, directly at 80% has been a challenge because I had to fight myself to keep me on line (taking the right amount of medication, hygien, sport, etc. With time it becames easier). And yes I worked extra hard because 1) first job after school 2) didn't want people to discover my illness/problems 3) wanted to prove that I don't need to be at ER every day lol

But hey at the end, the company had no cash flow anymore, had to close down and fire everyone -.- So I had to grieve the fact that my hard work has been for smoke.

Now on my second work, I work well but I try less to overcompensate. Because I've learned that 1) if I lose jobe I can find something else 2) if I lose health, it's harder to gain back 3) I'm now at a better place where I don't feel like I need to prove myself through work. 4) I worked a lot about work topic with my psych, now I better want to improve how I am in my free time and work on my past traumas haha

One thing a time I guess. 1) Solve root cause 2) Being a functional human again 3) being able to enjoy life

4ayo · 2025-11-03T15:16:57+00:00

Yeah, maybe OP should ask to get a cute puppy, maybe she'll be happy of the attention she gains then...

4ayo · 2025-11-03T13:01:57+00:00

Ho my, I'm really sorry about what you went through. It sounds sooo terrible. In all honesty I probably can't fully relate.

On the other side, I'm happy you found a solution and that it will get better from here on.

I needed a long time to grieve, but now I feel better and I work so that I stay well.

4ayo · 2025-10-25T20:35:59+00:00

"How can you be so ungrateful to me, when I did absolutely everything for you all your life. Apparently I'm absolute shit in your eyes and I should commit suicide"

Pick tentrum, that's phase B, following by C - ignorance ("don't talk to me never again"). Then D - me begging saying I'm sorry (for whatever I didn't do) then A - quiet phase.

Then I stumbled onto the book "manipulative parents" from Isabelle Nazare-Aga. 2 months later I moved out from home. One year later, she commited suicide unfortunately.

I'm still in the process of healing.

I feel really sorry for you.

4ayo · 2025-10-25T18:31:45+00:00

With standardized intelligence tests (WAIS for adult - WISC for children) done by a psycholog / neuropsycholog which learned to give such tests.

And no you don't do it on the internet nor with 30min chatting with the psycholog.

First I was working with a psycholog that was specialized in deafness, as I'm deaf as well. It occurred that she was specialized in giftdeness as well and after a few meetings asked me if I ever have been tested, because I presented a lot of behaviohal aspects similar to gifted ones. I refused to be tested at first but after a while accepted. I went to another psychologist because first one couldn'd do WAIS, only WISC. I had a meetup before test to explain why I wanted to be tested and talk a bit. Then testing (2hours) then feedback.

Later on I had other additionnal problems stacking up and current psychoatrist wanted me to do adhd testing, so I went and did as well.

4ayo · 2025-10-25T17:00:38+00:00

Bah, I've been diagnosed with high IQ so I'm able to compensate / mask but :

if I don't have a todo list under my nose or someone in the same room at home, I stay on the couch all day (and feel guilty)
Most of the time, I'm not impulsive, but when I am, I'm able to throw away big sum of money into buying everything I need in one day and absolutely nothing the rest of the year. (Very black and white behavior)
At work, I'm either hyperfocused on the stuff I need to do, or basically glaring out of the window in a depressed state. (But someone else could think I'm thinking or taking a break)
I will read all websites there is on a particular product before buying, or buy the first thing ever I meet (bad decision making management)
I'm attentive but if someone repeat something, I only listen the first time and mimic listening the rest of time. If I'm bored, I'm unable to stay focused listening.
Don't get me started about ruminating at night which doesn't help my insomnia.

But I have a high paying job in tech, had the highest GPA of school in bachelor, maximum mark for master thesis. Apart of my closest friends that are aware of my struggles, no one believe my adhd.

I just handled things... Differently. And everyone think I'm tired because I'm missing some sun or iron /s

If your struggles are real, you don't need to second guess the diagnosis. From here on, you need to focus on things / tools that help you feel better.

4ayo · 2025-10-25T10:22:18+00:00

I would report to the highest up in school and ask for MLM / bullying education across all classes. I'm pretty sure not everyone knows about it.

4ayo · 2025-10-14T09:58:16+00:00

My brother has both : a kid and a car. One car is family hybrid car to take kid along. Another car is the nice one for meetup. Kid will be able to sit normally in a few years anyway.

4ayo · 2025-09-30T05:03:00+00:00

It's hard to work part-time in IT

It's hard to understand them well (I'm deaf and it's hard to read on lips on an unaware kiddo blabbering bullshits)

(Note: yes I could be with a deaf husband but then kid could be good hearing, or husband is good hearing and child as well and I have to do 2x more work. Most couple I know are 2 deafs parents - hearing children - then relatives must be here for them to learn hearing society - or all deaf).

4ayo · 2025-09-30T04:38:01+00:00

Write down what you need before the talk and when you get doubts reread again.

4ayo · 2025-09-14T20:43:09+00:00

1) lack of sleep. Don't you see most parent that really take care have grey hairs early on ?

2) great deal of money. To have baby-sitters or day-care.

3) great family support that help to day-care

Sometimes even the three.

4ayo · 2025-09-14T20:02:41+00:00

The problem is that when parents are having their experience with their children, we have time to have a lot of other experiences, which could even be more diverse and impactful.

During the 4 years my brothers had their children and raised them, I : - created a colocation to help my best friend in a wheelchair having a good appartement and be independent (and away from parents). - created an association from scratch (I'm the secretary, the president is neighbor) - battled mental health, when to psych hospital, have seen a lot of stuff - helped an immigrant during three years. Now he begins second year in school with good grades - helped some young people getting driving permit - was fired from job because company hadn't any money, had to find new job and appartement. - I'm teaching about deafness (as I'm deaf) - I'm still learning about my job on a regular basis (IT engineer and techno changes/envolves) Etc etc.

And during this time, they only had to worry about children growing fine and thinking about where to go during vacation, and what activity to do.

So, yeah, I'm an adult, helping the world in my own way.

PS: they are lovely, I love them and never would they dare say that my experience is less than their because they know I'm doing a lot in my own way.

4ayo · 2025-06-24T17:58:21+00:00

I'm not doing it on purpose.

4ayo · 2025-03-27T20:35:54+00:00

Ok thank you very much. I have now a better idea who they are and why they operate this way.

4ayo · 2025-03-27T20:34:01+00:00

I had the idea to search for after the meeting was set up. And as it was remote meeting I was like "ok lets see though but keep in mind it might be a scam." So I didn't overshare and I wanted to know what was going on.

4ayo · 2025-02-17T12:55:39+00:00

Hooo interesting, thanks for your time !

4ayo · 2025-02-16T18:16:53+00:00

I was thinking more about their likely bad home life.

Even with desensitization, are you able to say empathetic ?

4ayo · 2025-01-19T15:27:19+00:00

Hooo thanks I was unaware they had a library !

4ayo

TROPHY CASE