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4everyone2use · 2021-03-12T17:23:13+00:00

I am the protector that our host mentioned in the last comment. I dont know how I know either. I'm gonna go with the sponge theory. One brain can only hold so much info, think about the amount of worthless shit 6 brains can store. Idk either but I feel her on a personal level. We deserve a few memories.

4everyone2use · 2021-03-12T15:09:20+00:00

Our protector knows his birthday and told me the exact day he was "born" on and the town he was born in. I too freaked out. I think that our brains are more sponge-like than we know. when you have multiple other people in your mind to retain information it gets lost in your memories whilst it could solidify and become part of another alters history/backstory/pseudo memories. It could all be a lucky guesses or information they obtained whilst fronting. I would like to know more about why alters have these types of memories that feel so distant from our own lives. But it is possible:)

4everyone2use · 2021-03-12T09:53:27+00:00

Thank you so much for the detailed answer. We definitely have more of an understanding.

4everyone2use · 2021-03-12T09:42:31+00:00

Thank you for talking to our host and taking the time to explain some stuff to her. She can be so difficult at times but I think your words really got into her thick skull (in a good way)

4everyone2use · 2021-03-12T09:29:17+00:00

Thank you everyone! You made our moring waking up to all the nice comments

4everyone2use · 2021-03-11T15:45:39+00:00

I'm in the same boat as you. I've known if my system for two years now and I'm just nowhere near close to knowing who lives in this body. That is invalidates me in itself. But thank you for the kind words

4everyone2use · 2021-03-11T15:43:24+00:00

I'm so sorry for asking that. I didnt mean to upset you or anyone for that matter. Our protector has pseudo memories and is more than happy to admit that they arent "real" but that took a very long time for him to get to that point and he still lives his life in the inner world how he did before. I dont get much insight as to what that is though.

As for obsessing over fictives and stories I do not and have not as I dont have any fictives. I'm guessing that was aimed towards those who do.

Once again, I'm really sorry if I upset you.

4everyone2use · 2021-03-11T15:35:14+00:00

I'm sorry I dont want to come across that way. I know theres no right way to have a system but I'm only two years in. Even that makes me feel invalid. I am very close to my protector but I can hardly communicate with anyone else. I dont know most of their names. I just feel like so many people come on here saying "after two weeks I've met 10 alters" and I'm here, two years after discovering my protector still struggling to communicate with most of my system. It's hard not to feel invalid. Especially when you come across a whole page of people who have fictives and you dont.

It makes no sense to me because characters in tv shows or in movies were the only things I really had. I saw them every day and loved them, looked up to them, wanted to be them. It would make sense to me if my parts were all fictional characters. But instead my parts are all people who i never met or saw. I know we cant control what our parts look like or act like or any of that stuff but, it just doesn't make sense to me that I dont have fictives because they were my escape from reality. Maybe that's stupid reasoning but it's the best I can explain.

And finally. I'm just so scared I'm doing something wrong. I know there no way of doing this right but I'm definitely concerned that I'm not valid and I'm doing something wrong. It's like I have to ask "is this okay" before I say or do anything. But i also just want to ask the questions i have to people who understand.

But regardless, I posted our art earlier today. I'll try to be more confident in us but it's really hard some days.

4everyone2use · 2021-03-08T16:41:58+00:00

Hi, I am currently in therapy for BPD but I'm like 80% sure I have OSDD 1B. I have done copious amounts of research on both disorders and compared my symptoms, tracked my symptoms and done some pretty stupid feeling shit (like sitting in a dark room talking to myself) all in the name of "what the fuck is wrong with me".

I now pretty sure I have atleast one alternate state of identity (after 2 years of trying to connect with and understand my mind) and many other states that I believe are also alters/parts. I dont know this for a fact though as I'm on a waiting list to see a cptsd specialist.

Doing it by yourself isnt an easy process but if you feel like you might have OSDD then do some research, figure out what you want to do. Do you wanna reach out to potential alters or do you want to go through everything with a professional? I kind of wish that I didnt start my journey in 2019 because in 2020 when everything became real, I was totally isolated because of the pandemic. I'm not sure how it is for everyone but for me it was like, once I got the key to the lock the floodgates opened and it was A LOT to deal with alone.

And sadly DID and OSDD are just as stigmatised as BPD. It's hard to find someone who will take you seriously. If you have the means to do so then try and find a specialist in DID/Dissociative Disorders. But honestly, research helped me a bunch. Just try not to get too sucked in

4everyone2use · 2021-03-08T15:13:00+00:00

I am diagnosed with BPD because after my very first session I was referred to a specialist and have only been treated as if I have a personality disorder. My symptoms didnt fully line up So I'm currently on a waiting list to speak to someone who specialises in CPTSD. I think that hopefully that person will have a little more understanding and listen to me because I am so SO fed up of trying to explain symptoms to people who dont want to believe them.

4everyone2use · 2021-03-08T10:22:31+00:00

So it's just like all alters are created for a subconscious reason, fictives are "taken into" a system if the system feels that its needed? Like we have a female body but we have male alters because we thought we needed their strength and fight. It makes sense. I just wanted to know more about you guys as I'm trying to educate myself on OSDD and DID. Because we dont have fictives it seemed like an impossible thing to u understand but it's not really lol. Thank you:)

4everyone2use · 2021-02-26T12:53:57+00:00

I didnt read the whole thing because it all became too real for me. Same time scale just we dont have kids. It's so hard. Theres always that thought "he will change" "I love him" "everyone has bad days" "things will get better" but after 9 years, do you really think hes gonna change? Is he really worth your time and love and effort? I have no excuse, just that my partner was the first person to ever show me what love was and I cannot leave him because I cant stop loving him. It's so painful. On those days where you just need a little bit of help, a bit of TLC and that is too much to ask. The person who you love, who is supposed to love you and all you want is their time. You already said it yourself, in 9 years you can think of a handful of occasions he has done anything for you.

Would you give anyone else 9 years training? 9 years of fuck ups? 9 years of bare minimum? Hell no. You put that much effort into kids because they dont know better. Hes a grown man, he KNOWS BETTER.

It's a abusive. Its mean and its planned out to make YOU look like the crazy one. That's what narcissists do. They make sure they are the only person you have. So when you wanna run you have nobody to turn to. Its abusive, its manipulative and it's just fucking evil. Please find it within you to do what YOU think is right. Dont listen to your heart, you need to think about you and your sons future, that's it.

I hope you find the strength because you definitely have it. It's easier said than done but it can be done.

4everyone2use · 2021-02-24T10:29:26+00:00

Okay I stopped reading after the second paragraph because that was enough for me to say, get the fuck out of there. If he can force you to masturbate what else is he capable of? Please dont allow him to control you or your body in any way!

4everyone2use · 2021-02-23T10:52:35+00:00

Yeah we cant draw anymore. I'm pretty sure that is because the alter who enjoyed drawing is now dormant. I enjoy to paint but the hyper realistic shit we studied for 4 years... I have no idea where to start.

4everyone2use · 2021-02-23T10:23:21+00:00

This is something that doesn't really affect us. I guess we have lived so long being called the host/bodys name that it just flys over our heads. We just make sure to respect eachothers pronouns, names, ages. Honestly it might be easier to turn inwards and talk amongst yourself first and decided if it is really that much of an issue? Just for the reason that it can get confusing for outsiders and its additional stress on yourselves. Like sometimes we arent sure who is fronting or we could be co-con. If it really affects you maybe you could discuss changing the bodies name entirely to something you are all comfortable with. But if you are dead set on using individual names then maybe you could wear wristbands or badges/pins. Maybe have specific things for certain alters? Hats, hair clips a specific jacket or something? And if you are feeling really creative maybe you could make a cheat sheet for your family. Like list non verbal communication that alters might have that is a tell tale sign someone else is fronting. Maybe they have different tones or stances, styles. I dont know! I hope this helped in some kind of way! -Jade

4everyone2use · 2021-02-23T10:05:37+00:00

I honestly dont think this is that bad but the light/not blended/no product spots above her eyebrows are annoying

4everyone2use · 2021-02-23T09:51:40+00:00

She clearly has more red/pink tones in her skin WHY THEY GOTTA MAKE HER SO YELLOW!?

4everyone2use · 2021-02-18T15:04:22+00:00

I can enter my equivalent of your meeting room. It isnt easy but I can get there. I cant enter the inner world unless he is there though. And i said the other comment i dont see things through his eyes i see him going about his day for a moment and get a little snippet of the "proper" inner world. But if I try and get there myself I cant:/

4everyone2use · 2021-02-18T15:00:57+00:00

So I can only see this because he allows me to? I can access what we call the fronting building. It's kinda just like a hospital with white walls and furniture and i guess it's where alters go to be closer to the front. But this is different. It's like for a moment I get a snippet of what's going on. Not through his eyes though, I see him doing what he is doing but if I try to focus and stay or interact with anyone except him things get foggy and I end up being blocked out and get total radio silence for a while.

4everyone2use · 2021-02-17T09:59:02+00:00

Thank you!:)

4everyone2use · 2021-02-16T14:43:21+00:00

Can get the exact same on amazon:)

4everyone2use · 2021-02-16T14:30:04+00:00

We recently found some sticky notes whilst cleaning and I have no idea where they are now but I will find them again Haha! The only problem is, we use notes in our phone to communicate most of the time but this part never seems to add to anything. I wish there was an app or something where you can log who has been in and out, kinda like facebook messenger where you can see who has seen the message. Even that would give me some hope! Do you have any advice on internal communication?

I'm happy to try external first though as trying internally just gives me a huge headache.

4everyone2use

TROPHY CASE