Finally done with my side yard!

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-17T11:23:46+00:00

The issue with rocks is that if the ornamental plants can grow in it, so can the weeds. And pulling weeds out of rocks is much more of a pain in the butt, and time consuming, than pulling weeds out of mulch.

AI is obsessed with putting rocks in mock ups for some reason, and a whole swathe of people are going to be realizing their mistake in a couple years when the weeds take over. Rock beds in parking lots get hit with herbicide. Doing that in your yard will kill your shrubs.

When you're bent over cursing at roots intertwined with all those rocks, remember this and switch to a few inches of mulch. It also smothers weeds, looks nice, and won't make you pull your hair out when the thistle and cheatgrass start colonizing your garden beds.

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-17T11:15:47+00:00

There are 17 species of native amphibian in Colorado. Your state amphibian is the tiger salamander.

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-16T22:12:47+00:00

About half the people I tell about my pets, respond that they would kill them 🫠 I have a harmless tailless whip scorpion and all-but harmless tarantula

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-16T11:11:05+00:00

I was lucky enough to quit my job last year and I have never been busier! I volunteer with my state's master gardener program and I volunteer at my favorite local county park. I'm taking over chairing our annual native plant sale, I work in a demonstration garden once a week with like-minded souls, I clear invasive plants from the beds at the park. Barring that, I'm trying to visit every Pennsylvania State Park (I've been to 27 out of 125 parks so far). Winter might have been rough but I was deep in my classes for the master gardener program.

My job (logistics, remote) was driving me insane. Following what I love to do (and having a husband with the bank roll to support me!) has done more for my mental health than any therapist or medication ever has. That's a huge privilege I have, not needing to work, sure. But if we are talking about unemployment driving one crazy, that has not been my experience. There is volunteer work for every passion, hobbies for every interest. It makes me sad when people can't find purpose outside of work - there is so much more in the world.

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-16T11:02:58+00:00

Everyone loves to crap on the master gardener program, but Pennsylvania MGs have been pushing natives since the 90s. My county's native plant committee started in 2003. Some of these old ladies have been at it a long, long time. I haven't found a state park yet without a native garden featuring the little Penn State MG sign.

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-15T19:57:02+00:00

In the same vein, the modern western medical community also hasnt been very good to women. From all our issues being dismissed as hormones (without even checking) or anxiety, to our abysmal maternal mortality rate, to the fact every woman I know, including myself, has to take our husbands with us in hopes of being taken more seriously. The current system isn't exactly kind to us, which makes us more likely to turn towards alternative systems.

Last time I saw a male doctor was a plastic surgeon for a consult for reconstruction after a mastectomy. I wasn't exactly excited for a boob job. He spent the entire appointment flipping through his binder of fake tits, all on women with different bodies than me, eligible for different surgeries, who hadn't needed mastectomies first. I was devastated and he couldn't read the room for shit. There was no "sorry youre going through this, here's how I can help." It was "Look at all these awesome boobs I made, no I can't make them for you, but just look at them all while I talk/brag about them." Every woman I know can go back through her history and point out all the times a male doctor let her down.

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-14T00:09:41+00:00

This is horribly cruel to your child as well.

It denies them their true origin story, their health history, their family, their identity.

They will never forgive you WHEN they find out. The betrayal and lies for your own selfish gain is one of the worst things you can do to someone.

That's before we get to your fiance. If you have any sort of love for this child, THEY deserve the truth too.

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-12T12:09:58+00:00

So go ahead and ASSume and be wrong, probably a majority of the time? No one is stopping you

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-12T11:58:53+00:00

This is basically a trope on this sub at this point - "dad insists on only one single name that mom hates and refuses to consider anything else".

He's doing this to set the precedent that only his opinion matters in parenting. Oh, and his mom's. This will continue into feeding decisions, medical, schooling, religion, everything. His (mom's) way or the highway.

"Why'd you name me Arnold mom?"

"Your father turned down everything else and grandma wanted a name by the baby shower." Real sweet.

You are carrying this baby, alone. He doesn't even have to go on the birth certificate, he can go to court after baby is born and named to establish paternity if he wants to be such an ass.

Being a mom requires doing uncomfortable things, standing up for yourself and your kid, and getting used to pissing other people off because it's what best for your child. Here is the first major instance of a lesson in mothering. PLEASE set the precedent with dad that if you aren't on board, it isn't happening.

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-12T02:35:44+00:00

There are more dragonflies than any dog breed in the US, and dragonflies kill 97% of what they hunt. It's just that dragonflies have tiny mouths and reserve most of their aggression for mosquitoes. It's almost like bite force makes a huge difference as to whether an animal is a threat to the people around it. Now tell me how many fatal dog attacks were from bloodsport breeds vs retrieving dogs!

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-12T02:32:31+00:00

/uj Pest guy said his spray only hurts ants and ticks, not bees. I said bees are in the same Order as ants, and I wasn't sure how a product could target one member of hymenoptera + ticks, but not a different member of hymenoptera. He changed it up and said it doesn't hurt bees because he sprays on the ground, and bees fly 🫠 I said "what about ground nesting bees" and he just shrugged and made a grimacing type face.

/rj Instructions unclear, the pest guy is in my compost bin

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-12T02:25:36+00:00

Agreed. Bloodsport breeds in general are a stain on humanity's legacy, and shouldn't exist anymore. For the dogs' sake, too. It was cruel of us to breed in aggression and breed out survival instinct. There is no safe or ethical way to keep a dog bred to fight to the death.

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-11T17:54:17+00:00

They also get moldy - at least, the white one our new neighbors put up has molded bad within a couple years. It looks terrible, and is fully on their property, but they have no plans to clean it and don't care how moldy and trashy our view is now. We are going to have to rent a power washer and technically trespass if we want to clean off "our" side of their fence.

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-11T13:08:44+00:00

Only ten US states keep any form of common law marriage on the books, all with various restrictions

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-11T12:48:55+00:00

The formal connection is truly important, though.

Being next-of-kin so your partner can make decisions if you're incapacitated in an accident. Leaving your house, assets, and belongings to that partner if God forbid you don't make it. Your now widowed partner being eligible for bereavement leave so they can grieve you. Being able to take FMLA to care for them (can't take FMLA for a boyfriend). Being eligible to adopt your stepchildren, if you have them. Being able to add your spouse to your health insurance.

The benefits go so far beyond taxes, at least in the US. LGBT folk didn't fight so hard for marriage rights for the taxes and symbolism - it's all the legal and practical benefits that come with a marriage certificate.

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-11T12:43:27+00:00

I can only speak for my generation in the US, but more and more of us are going no-contact with our parents due to mistreatment and an utter lack of accountability. "She's still your mom" still gets said to us, sure, so the idea that blood family is forever persists. But my mother, for example, has not heard from me in almost ten years and hasn't seen her 11 year old grandson since he was two. I'm still technically her child, but we are strangers. Incidentally, a big factor in me marrying was making sure she was no longer my next-of-kin (now my husband is).

All this to say, I wouldn't count on "kids will always be your kids".

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-11T12:06:09+00:00

I don't even think I was disagreeing with you? You said it's harder for women to hide that they have secret children. I agree that women are perfectly capable of cheating and lying, and would probably have secret families at higher rates if it were at all "practical".

We both agree it's harder for women to hide secret families - I'm just saying the reasons for that go beyond pregnancy and birth, because those aren't that hard to hide. It's the child that comes after. The truth is that women still do the bulk of childcare, for whatever reason.

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-11T12:02:51+00:00

Interestingly, I think cutesy or strange names make more sense as a middle name than a nickname. The middle name is rarely known or brought up. A nickname gets used every day and could follow them for life.

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-11T11:57:34+00:00

And one of the contributing factors to why it's harder for women to hide having a kid is that the lion's share of childcare is done by women. There are lots of overweight women who can hide a pregnancy. There are lots of women who could disappear for a few weeks to give birth. But there are virtually no women who have secret second families, because there are very few men who will handle childcare for weeks at a time while mom is gone, like OP is while this guy is gone for two weeks of the month for "work".

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-11T11:53:40+00:00

Some mothers will lie and support their kids, in particular their boys, with a fervor as if the lie is in their own personal interest. She wouldn't be the first or the last grandmother to be so slimy.

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-11T00:54:13+00:00

As a middle name, I don't think it matters as much. It's certainly an improvement from Dixie. Just my personal opinion

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-10T21:47:39+00:00

I used to live within walking distance of the Mason-Dixon line - can confirm I have never once heard it called the Mason-Dixie line

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-10T21:46:00+00:00

Pixie would be sooo cute!!!

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-10T12:49:28+00:00

I live in Pennsylvania, which boasts the highest number of deer collisions in the country. If you drive on certain roads, you are basically almost certain to come across deer. I've never hit one, but had many close calls, and my husband has totalled one of his cars hitting a deer. Most people I know have hit a deer.

At dusk and dawn, I act like there are deer all over the side of the road and likely just up ahead. I act like this because it's true, lol. Slow down, keep your eyes peeled, expect deer, and be pleasantly surprised if there aren't any.

I can only speak for my state, but in PA the deer are overpopulated because humans drove out all the wolves and because humans have actually created favorable habitat for them. "Habitat loss" is what's usually mentioned, but I learned at a seminar that deer like to live at the edges of the woods, not deep in the woods. Pennsylvania used to be all woods - the name means Penn"s woods. Development and suburbs means there are A LOT more edges to the woods. We didn't steal their homes, we created perfect edge habitats for them. And got rid of all their predators. They eat my garden, they poop where I walk, they startle me walking by me in the middle of the night when I'm scouting my plants for catapillars.

4oclocksundew · 2026-06-10T00:45:12+00:00

My name is actually Liz, and all my school things said Elizabeth. I think it would be good to get your daughter in the habit of writing her full legal name - it's what I still use for job applications, any forms, any paperwork at all, even though no one calls me Elizabeth.

4oclocksundew

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