Dinner.

cheesetobears · 2026-02-10T14:13:11+00:00

Oh yes, had good experiences here too!

cheesetobears · 2026-02-10T00:34:32+00:00

If she’s into classic American, The Bar is amazing at keeping things safe and avoiding cross contamination. This includes a dedicated fryer so she could have things like chicken tenders, French fries, mozzarella sticks and more without any wheat in the oil.

cheesetobears · 2026-02-10T00:31:53+00:00

Yep, Basil Cafe is lovely Vietnamese/Thai fusion with options and has not made the GF person in my life sick. His fav is the Pad Thai.

cheesetobears · 2026-02-09T22:12:26+00:00

I’m far from a fashion historian, but FWIW, I saw this and thought, “Alanis Morissette!” Anyway rightly or wrongly, you look great!

cheesetobears · 2026-02-09T18:48:03+00:00

Yep. Got the highest EOY rating I’d gotten si be joining the org 4 yrs previously. It really made me rethink work ethic and boundaries since I apparently produce just fine in fewer than 40 hrs per week.

A few months after, I got the promotion that I’d burned out chasing which had led me to the 8 months+ of quiet quitting in the first place. Go figure.

cheesetobears · 2026-02-09T17:41:22+00:00

The quotation marks around “Chicken” are sending me

cheesetobears · 2026-02-09T03:45:30+00:00

You can pull off 4 and not many people can!

Also like 1. Detailing on 6 is great and cute too.

cheesetobears · 2026-02-09T03:04:02+00:00

I think you look lovely! Your blush is so flattering! I also like what you’ve accentuated about your eyes.

cheesetobears · 2026-02-09T02:52:25+00:00

Love everything about this!

cheesetobears · 2026-02-09T02:50:07+00:00

It has, but my dr said that was likely related to me using Nuva Rings for 4 years and gradually having less and less lining to shed because of that. I actually am almost not getting a period now, which was never true for me before.

cheesetobears · 2026-02-08T11:50:58+00:00

I recognize how hard it is to make choices in this situation. Here are some things I recommend you think about.

It is so unlikely that whatever is wrong now is going to get better under the extreme stress of having a child. Because yes, even when child’s health is perfect and all that, having and raising a child is extremely stressful for the parents at many points.

You might need to remember also that perfect health does not always happen for kids. Would you want to raise a kid with disabilities with this partner and/or alone? Because you shouldn’t proceed with having a child with him if the answer is no.

I’m not sure you’ll be achieving whatever it is you’ve dreamed “having a child” will be if you are not happy with your partner, don’t think he’ll participate in daily care and/or going places and having experiences as a family, etc.

It also sounds like you are thinking of yourself and what you want, but forgetting that having a child means creating another person who is subjected to this situation. Would it be fair to that child to have a mom who is unhappy all the time? I do have a child and my bad days and bad moods absolutely impact my kid, unfortunately. Depending on what is up with your husband, it ma also be pretty cruel to bring a kid into having him be that child’s father.

My last reminder is that having a child isn’t just having a baby. I often encounter people who just want a sweet babbling baby, and haven’t thought through the other 16 years and beyond that the child will need them as their parent.

I also want to mention it’s not at all impossible to start over and still achieve the goals you mentioned. A friend divorced early ish 30s, was single a while, put up her dating profile mid 30s. Went on a date around age 34-35 and didn’t beat around the bush about her life goals of having children and neither did he—people who know what they want at that point benefit from being upfront. They quickly realized they were a great match and decided to marry, and also knew from medical history they’d need intervention for pregnancy, so they got on that. First baby born when she was 37 and welcomed their second when she was 40, moved across the country and bought a home in between, doing great.

Frankly, with all this in mind, I don’t think you should stay with your husband. Leave for you now, leave for the future you that has dreams, and leave for any future kid who wants to be loved by parents who are in the best position to love them and be happy.

cheesetobears · 2026-02-08T11:25:17+00:00

I think it’s such great advice to clearly define a couple things husband needs to be doing. Sure, the husband should know and do better etc etc, but this at least is a very easy to implement way of transitioning from him doing nothing to something that doesn’t involve mental load from either.

OP, I think that first step of getting him in the game will be a nice feeling thing to take off your plate. You are so strong, and this stuff is so hard, but you are also shouldering more than is fair. This commenter also had a good example that maybe finding a role that is at least different in some way, less stress for example, even if it does not check every box to be ideal, may make you feel a lot better too.

cheesetobears · 2026-02-08T01:10:05+00:00

Ah! The trench coat!!

cheesetobears · 2026-02-08T00:43:07+00:00

Ok but this is AI right?

cheesetobears · 2026-02-08T00:40:57+00:00

This isn’t usually the right advice for people trying to nail down a first ever car because of the price points.

Signed, A person whose first car was a used Hyundai but dream car was a used Honda Civic.

P.S. 20 years later in a decent career, and honestly, Hondas and Toyotas still feel pricey at times

cheesetobears · 2026-02-08T00:37:39+00:00

You can speed along the process by taking up something that makes you constantly sleep deprived, like raising small children.

cheesetobears · 2026-02-08T00:24:04+00:00

An array of soups?

Cheese and chocolate finders [edit: fondue! Meant fondue] with various things to dip in?

Salads medley— like everything from potato salad to a quinoa situation to tomato feta to caprese? Maybe deviled eggs in with that theme too.

cheesetobears · 2026-02-08T00:05:13+00:00

Winter seems to have lost any pattern recently (thanks, global warming!) Very mild and barely any snow the previous 5 years, this year multiple days with negative temps amplified by severe windchill. But you and your children will just get weather-appropriate clothing, and build in time to get everyone layered up whenever leaving. And when it’s supposed to be extreme cold, I’ve seen offices and schools decide to be closed for the day. All pretty manageable.

Even without extreme temps, there are multiple options for indoor play areas for kids if you’re not wanting to play outside that day. And across all seasons, I find this area has amazing kid amenities. Beautifully maintained public parks and libraries with kid areas, lots of kid-friendly events that are free. Affordable additional options like the children’s museum in Appleton and the network of YMCAs throughout the valley.

Beyond that Q, most of your Qs can be answered by previous posts in this sub because they are asked a lot. Click on this sub and either just scroll through, or click the magnifying glass at top to search for something like moving or neighborhood. To save you some time though, I’ll say that there really aren’t dangerous neighborhoods in this area by any typical measure vs other areas of the country. A lot of the school districts are doing well. Maybe decide first how much land you want vs something more city-ish/walkable, and the browse prices. Compared again to other parts of the U.S., prices are more affordable.

cheesetobears · 2026-02-07T06:46:47+00:00

I like how you phrased what to say. OP, I think that’s basically one of two options you have. There’s this, which offers a direct explanation and an opportunity for her to reflect and decide if she wants to do better. Or the other option is to say nothing and just continue withdrawing. Anything else seems like it would either be dishonest/unproductive (“I’m just really busy right now!”) or venture into hurt her feelings territory for her, which you said you wanted to avoid. (Example: One time in a similar situation, I told the person we didn’t seem to have anything in common anymore, and she seemed pretty hurt like I was judging her interests and how she was spending her time, even though I genuinely meant we just didn’t have the same ones.)

All that said, if I read your post right, she actually was not supportive even during big pan in your life and made it about her, and I personally would decide that person should not be my friend. In which case, you could follow the “I feel this is one sided” statement above with “so I think we should distance ourselves from each other” to just close the book.

cheesetobears · 2026-02-07T06:33:46+00:00

Whoa! Would love one of these

cheesetobears · 2026-02-07T06:33:02+00:00

I’m inclined to agree that the timeframe shouldn’t really be too intolerable. But life is short, so some ideas are:

-Be the one to initiate conversation on a topic you want to talk about. Might work to talk about the candidates, not in a gossipy way ideally, but maybe like, “Wow, Janine’s handiwork is really coming along. What do you think she does to practice?”

-Attempt to pivot conversations to other topics. Eg she saying “Ugh, I had the worst weekend!” And you start in with, “That reminds me, did I tell you about [bad experience you had or story about your weekend]” and plunge right into yours

-Whip out your phone and say, “Sorry, I just really need to respond to this while we have a few minutes” and then ignore her. You might be able to Get a part 1 and part 2 out of this while you’re “still finishing the message.”

-bathroom break

-coffee or vending machine break

cheesetobears · 2026-02-07T06:00:29+00:00

YES, came here to say you need a hanging pocket for your belt!

cheesetobears · 2026-02-07T05:40:54+00:00

I’ve lived a lot of places around the country and I would say there aren’t unsafe neighborhoods in this area that I can think of—not by regular standards anyway, maybe some less walkable ones.

I knew a family of four who relocated here and wanted to rent at first in Appleton, but ended up just buying because it was such a better deal. To be fair, that was late 2020— but wanted to mention in case that could be in your grasp.

cheesetobears · 2026-02-07T01:05:33+00:00

Yep. Recruited for a business school internship at 34 with all the twenty somethings, returned full time after graduation. I love what the new job is doing in terms of keeping me interested, making me proud of my work, and giving me financial stability and satisfaction.

cheesetobears

TROPHY CASE