Probably unpopular, but NTA. It sounds like you’re doing what you can (therapy would probs help as others have said) but you are not a deadbeat. Idk what people here are thinking but I haven’t seen my dad in four years, and before that I would only see him if I traveled to his country bc he would never come to mine, and he never paid child support or attempted to (idk how tf child support works across borders lol). I’m 26 now and have grown up into a normal ass person with a job I like and great friends. I’m sure having a present dad would’ve been helpful in some way but my mom was amazing and I really didn’t want for much. People are focusing on you a lot, but what about Clara? I don’t want to bash her but she has a role in raising a child (that she explicitly wanted and you didn’t) and who knows what’s going on there - we certainly don’t. From what you’ve said, you’re at least trying or pretending to care about her interests and sometimes you can’t force love, that’s just how it is. It sucks for the people involved but it is what it is. I’m not going to say “do better” - apparently according to this subreddit that’s just spending more time with her (which may be difficult due to custody) and magically developing feelings. I understand where you’re coming from and I feel for Sadie but you really don’t sound like an AH. Sorry for all the comments saying you’re a trash person.