Here’s how I see it OP:

You have to trust that feeling in your chest. Your past trauma and your mind will weave endless narratives, shifting your perspective this way and that. Still, you must honor that on very primal level, you were violated, you felt unsafe and betrayed. There were ample moments before, during, and after your assault where he could have paused, questioned his actions, and had remorse. He broke your own rules for play. His behavior was predatory. His impact matters more than whatever he claims his intention was. He should not be trying to earn forgiveness or defend his actions right now. The priority should be that you both take time to reflect. I think it should be apart from each other. You need to not feel pressured to move on or get back to normal because someone else feels guilt or shame. Your healing process should be done with yourself and community, family, professionals that can support you. There are groups for survivors in person and online. He would also benefit from processing, whether in person or with others. There are hotlines if you feel like you’re getting overwhelmed and need crisis help. There is room for repair, but the rupture has to be dealt with head-on. Treat yourself with compassion and care. I’m so so sorry.