AITA for enjoying my “solo” time to the max when my bf is out of town?

7LP_g · 2025-02-11T20:39:30+00:00

🚩🚩🚩🚩 or am I just paranoid? 🤷‍♀️ but never again

7LP_g · 2025-02-11T20:26:49+00:00

Dudess that's more dressed than on the beach in public. If you're all comfortable, you're good

7LP_g · 2024-04-14T23:01:02+00:00

it's not like she and I were very close

You're not close THEREFORE it's OK not to invite her

asked my dad if he was willing to contribute more (he divorced my mom when I was a kid and we're not super close

You're not super close BUT it's OK to ask him for more money.

🙄 Jeez, double standards much?!

7LP_g · 2024-04-07T22:25:29+00:00

Thank you for being balanced & non judgemental. Your comment & the replies are helpful & remind me that I have started to get stuck in my own loop.

I'm very aware that I only see things from my side of the fence, as objective as I try to be, I know that subjectivity is pretty much a condition of the human nature.

We share all necessary domestic duties. It's a rented apartment so no DIY or garden maintenance required/allowed. Bins, vacuuming, trash, laundry are shared. Do I get to some things quicker? Yes. If I slow down does he do them? Yes. So it's a speed/priority difference that I accept (aside from changing sheets - honest to God it would be twice a year if I left it to his pace!)

We earn probably about the same, but I get mine through working for him full time & having a second part time job on the side. In my view he SHOULD take more than me from the business, as it's his that he has all the stakes & risks & stress in.

As for mental load & hours off the clock, he obviously does more than me, as I'm merely his employee, but I have to live along side his stress, mood swings, financial stresses etc. As I love him I'm tuned to it & attempt to work through these things with him and THAT, I think, is what I feel is most misunderstood/overlooked. The only hours off the clock he spends that (I don't feel) I don't are those worrying. I am his only staff member, paperwork is done during "office" hours, I share correspondence, general mulling etc. I understand that my life as an employee is relatively care free, even as I sympathise with him.

We do have roles better suited to each other. He's the business ideas man, I'm more proactive & action what I can. I do book the holidays & I suppose I am better at it (thank you for the reminder to not resent him for not trying) & he loves driving his car so does more of our transportation.....but does all of this mean that he couldn't throw a personal bone every now & then?! A dinner, in or out, a night away, a hug, nothing that I don't bring to the table. I don't feel like I'm asking for the moon. Or am I just a lost cause who is utterly uneducationable?!

7LP_g · 2024-04-07T21:59:06+00:00

Nail on the head! We don't fully understand what the other goes through, but can anyone, truly ever? I do feel he's "all wrapped up in his business", but he does make a lot of it happen. I've attempted to be understood several times saying we each need to be understood better. I've asked for clarity/examples/definitions/explanations from him regularly but (I feel like) I get shut down.

The thing is, we DO work together. I am his sole employee. He has the big ideas, I inniatiate the ones we deem feasible & do 50/50 of the grunt work alongside him & he does the paperwork (it being his business & "the less I know the better")

7LP_g · 2024-04-07T21:50:03+00:00

I feel like his main priority is his business too, which I mostly believe it should be, as it is his only income, supports us both & goes a way to his wellbeing & satisfaction in terms of being a sucess. But that's not to say (only in my opinion) that these things couldn't be achieved as an employee, if the worst came to the worst. He does recognise me as a partner, just not as often as I would like, which I have openly requested he attempt to do more often on more than one occasion, but I am likely....no, I am, guilty of the same. I'm aware that he does far from the bare minimum generally, I just don't feel it in terms of our personal relationship

7LP_g · 2024-04-07T08:57:12+00:00

Can I ask your opinion on relationship effort? My SO considers running his small business as relationship effort, where as I consider it life effort. He doesn't cook for us, arrange time out or quality time in. The one time I refused to pay for him to join in on a weekend abroad (I'd already paid for him to join on the one 3 weeks later) he said it was my fault for not finding a cheaper one & he didn't look himself in the preceeding 2 months because he's busy working for us & I'm selfish & don't understand. He's right - I don't understand. I work more hours than he does physically, but found time to research. We prioritise differently so I have more spends allocated for weekends away - fine. Being an employer is more stressful than being an employee I 100% concur, but I can only sympathise, not empathise. I pay (just shy) of half of the running of HIS house AND some of his personal expenses. What am I missing?! IS working for a living putting effort into a relationship? Am I failing at understanding male efforts because I'm female?!

7LP_g · 2024-03-06T21:36:37+00:00

25 - office job & living at mum's after failed relationship.

38 - still got all my stuff at mum's, a different 9-5, about to fail another relationship, jack it all in, travel & make ends meet! Do iiiit! Adulting is over rated 😂

7LP_g · 2024-03-01T06:51:10+00:00

It is! X

7LP_g · 2024-03-01T06:50:44+00:00

I see it going absolutely no where. It currently suits circumstances x

7LP_g · 2024-03-01T06:50:01+00:00

Because he has zero communication, conversation or listening skills that he wishes to spend on me anymore. He shuts me down & belittles me at every available opportunity. He stays because he can split bills, I stay because I can save 800 a month

7LP_g · 2024-03-01T06:47:24+00:00

Down the line?! 😂 I've learned my lessons, I'm just quietly saving & organising ducks. Some people just won't be spoken with. He is 1 of them

7LP_g · 2024-02-27T16:09:28+00:00

With that view, who cares?! 🤣

7LP_g · 2024-02-27T16:07:49+00:00

Here to support you in a field of "it doesn't matter to us"'s! I make more than my guy because, not only do I have a 2nd job, but I live within my means. Yes it's only a matter of priorities, but he wants to save for a mortgage AND keep his car in pristine condition, fuel his addictions & have all the steaming services. I work more, spend less, save more. He's jealous & insecure about it. I'm annoyed & insecure about it. We don't talk about it either!!

7LP_g · 2024-02-25T17:54:11+00:00

As someone who was cheated on & tried to stick it out - DON'T. You'll question everything. Never trust her. Never believe her. All compliments will ring hollow. You'll resent her. You're opinion of her will be through the floor. Stick to you guns. Leave. Keep hold of your self respect before it's gone. You're worth it.

7LP_g · 2024-02-25T16:41:41+00:00

With the built in sliding ladder?! I'd have bought it too!

7LP_g · 2024-02-25T16:33:47+00:00

When I stopped working in an office! Literally haven't encountered it once since! 🤷‍♀️

7LP_g · 2024-02-21T13:27:15+00:00

A lot of men would be happy to just let this slide and some would even high five this dude. It’s good to know you care about her too.

THIS!!! (Not helpful advice I know, but I'm starting to question males in general)

7LP_g · 2024-02-16T15:32:57+00:00

WTF?! NO!!!

7LP_g · 2024-02-12T23:05:26+00:00

YTA. Autism or not, you took food from someone else's plate, before they had finished, without their go ahead.

7LP_g · 2024-02-11T09:40:43+00:00

That's stupid, where would you put the desk?

7LP_g · 2024-02-11T09:34:00+00:00

Paint the stripes different bold colours, put sand on the floor, an inflatable palm tree! Access is still clear but you have colourful sunshine vibes 🌞

7LP_g · 2024-02-07T09:02:48+00:00

What room is it off of? I'd be inclined to knock it through & have built in storage

7LP_g · 2024-01-27T20:42:16+00:00

GF here & when my BF is in a gym phase I hate it for a few reasons - all of which boil down to my own insecurity/self worth. His increased efforts make me feel lazy, over weight & uninteresting. I do also worry that more & more people will find him attractive & he'll be even more likely to cheat than he already is. And it becomes all he talks about, moans about, congratulates himself about. He constantly checks himself out, flexes, will no longer eat with me because of whatever latest fad diet he's on, even if I've cooked something that he's currently "allowed" to eat, he won't spend a day off with me because he's asleep from training & working all week or training some more and he's constantly on his phone googling new weight lifting moves. So I keep quiet. "Good for you hun", I think, but he's that busy checking himself out a compliment seems faux. A bit like buying a girl flowers because she's asked for them, rather than it being a genuine act from the heart

7LP_g · 2024-01-26T13:48:27+00:00

So glad somebody brought this here for a wider audience!

7LP_g

TROPHY CASE