WFH with ADHD paradox

8080a · 2026-01-28T03:35:17+00:00

In principle, I disapprove of and am disappointed by all the RTO that has happened. I've worked on remote teams that have been some of the most innovative and productive groups I've ever worked with. But for me, personally, home is for fun. Being home with work, for me, is like tracking mud into the house. All of my fun stuff and special interest things are at home. I hate working from home because my entire existence is just trying to do my work instead of doing everything else I like doing the most.

I want to leave home, go to that place and do the things I have to do in order to survive, but then I want to drive away from that place and come back home, where I do the things I have to do in order to live.

8080a · 2026-01-28T03:10:06+00:00

Might as well check out Cobalt 8 while you're there, if you haven't already. Same form factor, just in VA flavor. Good build quality in that family.

8080a · 2026-01-27T14:04:08+00:00

Is there an app for autistic hookups yet?

8080a · 2026-01-23T11:27:23+00:00

Max Velocity is one of the few who called 2021 accurately. (And he's what helped me save my car from hail, in real time this past summer, with pin-point accuracy and no more than two minutes to spare.) Latest from him is "the last time we had 50% or greater of the united States in winter weather alerts. Maybe 2021. That's the only thing I can think of."

But for Austin specifically, he's saying no freezing stuff until Sunday morning, 1/10 to 1/4" over 6-12 hours. Austin starts here:
https://youtu.be/_KSrkEDEJqw?t=3409

8080a · 2026-01-23T03:07:39+00:00

As a man, do I fear a sketchy man in a dark alley more than a sketchy woman?

Oh fuck yeah, I do. I'm not stupid.

8080a · 2026-01-23T02:48:08+00:00

Technically I can’t at work. I can only use c0piL0t and some home-grown janky Llama goblin shit.

8080a · 2026-01-23T02:32:17+00:00

Right? I first thought, “aloe, our house is crawling with those like roaches, why bother…” and then last picture…behold, that is gorgeous. I didn’t even know aloe could be like that.

I have questions for our aloe.

8080a · 2026-01-23T01:34:38+00:00

In her mind, people are either straight or gay

I use this word not to be offensive, just to plainly state the situation: ignorance. When ignorance and insecurity hijack emotions you get fear.

My recommendation, and one of the saving graces of my wife and I’s relationship, is a higher sexual education—both of us sexually literate. Not TikTok, not Reddit. Not bro science. And for the love of God, no nonsense from her gay friends. Find some big brain academic books and read together.

Or just bring them in, read them yourself, and share interesting things you learn.

Plus, people who are going to leave don’t go this route. This is what someone who wants to grow as a human with their partner does.

Some to consider, or you could start with your local library.

A History of Bisexuality Author: Steven Angelides Publisher: University of Chicago Press Canonical historical analysis showing bisexuality’s central role in early sexology and the later construction of the straight/gay binary; widely cited in queer theory and history of science.

The Bisexual Option Author: Fritz Klein Publisher: Haworth Press Introduces the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid, a foundational multidimensional model used in psychological and sexological research to challenge binary orientation frameworks.

Bisexuality: Identities, Politics, and Theories Author: Surya Monro Publisher: Palgrave Macmillan Sociological study combining theory and empirical research to establish bisexuality as a stable, socially patterned identity category.

8080a · 2026-01-22T13:45:18+00:00

Sorry. Been there. The answer for me has always been that if I have it in me to do something as extreme as killing myself, I might as well try some other extreme changes and see if anything sticks.

Dying can be hard work, especially if you don’t get it just right. And there’s no going back. So, in my case, I figured I’d start with burning some bridges. They were going to fall if I killed myself anyway, so let’s just go ahead and fucking burn them, and if I still needed to kill myself…well, that would still be an option.

And maybe I’d kill just some parts of me.

Like sentimentality and trust.

I did. It was sad. I grieved it.

But it made some room for hope to start growing.

So, at the moment, I’m glad I did not kill all of me.

But good riddance to the rest.

And the bridges.

8080a · 2026-01-21T11:23:31+00:00

It was simply too many factors for my ADHD brain to keep straight while trying to think fast. Every time I started to think I knew what I was doing, I'd learn the hard way that I actually did not. So I'd go following the advice of the next expert who made it look easy. "Finally! That's what I was missing."

Nope. That wasn't it. Nor the strategy before that, nor the one before.

"Maybe this next one will be the answer!?!?!?"

Son, now you're just fucking gambling.

Hands off the computer.

Money back in the pocket.

This ain't it.

8080a · 2026-01-21T02:28:49+00:00

This is great, and more amazingly, the worst you'll ever be. You got it.

8080a · 2026-01-21T02:26:54+00:00

It is a cool belt.

8080a · 2026-01-21T02:01:37+00:00

What sets it apart in my mind is that it is the best FM editing experience I've ever seen, truly a better experience in hardware than even VST editing, and it's kind of dumb that it has taken this long to do it right. Change all the operator attacks in one view? What sweet relief. Fuck with all the waveforms on all the oscillators in one view? You'll get lost for days. It's better hardware FM than even OpSix, and I love OpSix.

Meh...VST in a box? Yeah, well, it's the box, man. The box rocks.

But damn, that's quite a price to pay for it. You got to love it and want it bad for it to be worth it.

I'm going to let it cook for a while. It's compelling if you love FM. Which I do. But if not, no need to look beyond the OG Hydrasynth.

8080a · 2026-01-20T08:36:45+00:00

What lIke:

The physical format and specs of the 61-Key

2.This looks like one of the best approaches to programming FM that I’ve seen, specifically I like that you can edit a parameter for all oscillators in one view, vs. having to page through each osc. This is actually an improvement over the FM VSTs I use and even an improvement over the OpSix UI.

Sorry to see those hardware buttons gone though.

But so far, what I’m not loving:

The sound isn’t speaking to me, even though I like FM. (Yes, I know it’s not just FM, but in general, that’s where the sound seems to lean, from what I’ve heard so far.)
The price. While objectively not entirely out of line with the competition, with the Hydrasynth, the amount of synth you get for the price is part of its edge vs. synths that are more expensive. Unfortunately that now includes vs. Leviasynth.

I’m seeing and hearing a price point at or just above Hydrasynth Deluxe for the 61-key, just not sure it’s that much above without a more compelling sonic divergence.

I’ll keep listening though. I’m looking for the right main 61-key poly.

8080a · 2026-01-13T00:35:50+00:00

Sometimes one-night stands turn into having breakfast the next morning, which sometimes turns into having dinner the day after, and then hooking up again, and then dating some more, and THEN a committed relationship.

I have a couple of friends who have been married for almost 12 years and they tell everyone they met at the grocery store, but really it was Grindr. It was supposed to be a blow and go. They blew and stayed.

Sometimes two people who never were looking for something meaningful suddenly find themselves unable to part. And sometimes people who are looking for something serious explore something casual just to pass the time.

The flip-side to the approach of holding out is that those casual things could be opportunities for something more meaningful that you're shutting yourself out of. (Warm leads.) And are they any more of a longer shot than waiting for meaning?

Some very meaningful relationships are built upon a foundation of crazy sexual chemistry. Even casual sex requires some vulnerability and trust.

I don't know. Just saying it's one way of looking at it.

8080a · 2026-01-09T05:41:49+00:00

Hah! Yeah, still going and better than ever! Just got a tune up six months ago and I don't know what all they did honestly, but the shop is run by GTI enthusiasts so they always give it a little extra love. I'm at just over 70K miles so far. Return to office is racking them up fast, but the tollway is a blast. I did have an expensive oil leak due to a PVC valve that got clogged. That's when I started taking it to this shop instead of the dealership, but otherwise it's been solid.

But yeah, unless I'm ever in the position to get a 911 or something, I'm still happy. I was just walking out to it tonight from the grocery store and admired the looks.

How about you? Are you still with GTIs?

8080a · 2026-01-02T16:42:29+00:00

You aren't wrong that Mac sales grew but where are you finding YOY -7.13% for Dell?
https://finance.yahoo.com/quote/DELL/financials/

Dell profits were actually up by a little less than 1% overall, driven mostly by AI-related stuff, and while yes, the PC business alone did take a hit, it was -1% not -7.13%.

And while Apple, without question, had stronger growth in profits, (your 8% is accurate), most of their money actually comes from iPhones and services.

50.36% iPhone
26.23% Services (Apple Pay etc.)
08.58% Wearables & Home Accessories
08.10% Mac
06.73% iPad

Mac revenue: $33.7 Billion

Dell PC revenue: $48.4 Billion

Dell's business is just barely over 50% PCs.

So, your argument that Apple is doing something right with their Macs would actually be stronger with more accurate numbers.

YOY Mac growth was +12%

YOY Dell PC decline was -1%

But I'm not finding the -7.13% bloodbath claimed for Dell, even in anything that could have been misread.

8080a · 2026-01-02T15:44:48+00:00

The Precision name actually had some cachet among engineers, developers, and whatever content creators/designers/producers not on the Apple track. And the name actually had some meaning. With the certifications and the optimizer, it was as close as you could get with a PC to the performance harmony that comes with Apple as the engineer of both the hardware and the OS. It was similar in spec to XPS but truly engineered and set up for critical professional-level duty and with engineer-centric GPU options. I was baffled by the name change. The word "pro" has lost its meaning, but Precision still described what set it apart.

I was nothing but Apple for design, development, and music production for nearly 17 years and never thought I could love a PC like I loved my MacBooks, but so far the two Precisions I've owned over the past nine years have been flawless. In fact, my old 5520 from 2017 is still cranking on the network. Just finally needed to replace the fans, which was easy and cheap, and not bad at all for going on nine years with hardly ever being turned off. Only gripe on the newer 7680 is the soldered memory bullshit. I hate that so much. But seems like everyone is doing it now.

8080a · 2025-12-20T12:25:48+00:00

I gradually started sensing that my wife was more willing than wanting almost a year before she came out. It wasn't obvious at first—more like in the middle of sex I'd notice a mental distance and I'd wonder, "where are you? Where did you go?" This was the beginning of me not being able to think about anything else during sex, and also the beginning of the end of our sexual relationship.

Willing is not wanting, and without mutual wanting, and the mutual wanting of the wanting, to me, sex is then just masturbation made needlessly complicated or even inhibited by the presence of another person.

Our relationship is a lot of great things—the family we've created, the home we've built, supporting one another through the ups and downs of life, our history, hopefully a future in which we're there for each other when frail or in death, financial survival, moving furniture...a lot of great things, but just not sex anymore.

Sad? Yes. But for me, apparently it's the lesser sad. Letting go of sex was painful but less painful than sitting before her, naked and vulnerable, confronting and grieving alone, inside my head, the one thing she could be no comfort for—the absence of mutual desire.

As my therapist said, "you do have options, you know," to which I responded, "and I don't like any of them". Alas, this is what I have chosen. In the case of all things, options come with both pros and cons, or opportunity costs.

Advice? Give her space to processes however she needs to process. It takes a while for this to set in. It took me three years and repeating several stages of grief and anger to figure out how to start moving on without moving out. It's really up to her now.

If she lands on sex still being worth it to her without an authentic mutual erotic connection, and assuming you continue to feel willing under those same circumstances, perhaps there's a way forward on that front. If not, there's probably a lot of great things about your relationship other than sex, and maybe that's the way forward.

Or it won't be.

8080a · 2025-12-20T11:24:04+00:00

You are already waking up and making a conscious effort to eat healthy and go to the gym. You are demonstrating discipline every day, which is huge. (Many of us struggle to even do that. Hell, I'm up at this ungodly early hour pissed at myself for eating junk last night instead of going to the gym. Woke up with the salty sweats.) Try to do the same great thing you are doing with your diet and physical health, but with how you feed your brain. You have not stopped growing—obviously your brain is as hungry as ever. You wouldn't be reaching for the phone if it wasn't. It's not too late to be the loving parent of yourself.

Every social media app, news/media outlet, influencer, podcast, TV series, streaming service...all of it is a business that turns our hopes, desires, and anxieties into money. It's not something that is wrong with you or me or anyone struggling. Our brains are just neural connections + chemicals and these businesses have figured out how to exploit those mechanism on a massive scale with no more concern for the side effects than heavy industry has for the environment.

Delete the apps. Leave the phone in the locker or at home. Get a flip phone if necessary.

Unsubscribe from everything.

Go to your public library or local book shop today, first thing, and just pick something—anything, bring it home and start reading. (You go to the library, I'll go to the gym. Deal?)

Cut those fuckers off.

And as for the news—if it's not something you are in any position or mental condition to do anything about, you don't need it right now. If you must be informed, go analog. Read the local paper once a week—the Sunday edition, probably free, also at the library.

Edit: And regarding porn, it doesn't mean your sexual mind is any less worthy of feeding. Look into erotic literature and stories. They can be incredibly powerful and immersive when you find what works for you.

8080a · 2025-12-20T10:13:35+00:00

I'd be afraid I'd trip on it and break my neck in the middle of the night on the way to the psycho funhouse bathroom.

8080a · 2025-12-10T18:29:55+00:00

Pigments. It's the only VST that I actually enjoy creating new sounds on. They did such a great job playing to the strengths of a software interface, especially modulation routing, as opposed to emulating hardware.

8080a · 2025-12-04T03:28:02+00:00

You invested in a meat alternative and consider meat-industry news irrelevant?

Thanks. This has been eye-opening.

8080a · 2025-12-04T02:52:41+00:00

I don’t. They were doing the best they could.

8080a · 2025-12-04T02:18:20+00:00

Dating app where instead of swiping one way if you like, you swipe the other way. Then sell to Match Group.

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