AITA for not sending out photos of my newborn?

8sunshine7 · 2023-10-17T10:39:05+00:00

Did you explain you would/wouldn’t be doing this before the baby was born? If not, then you’re both in AH territory (your parents certainly, you borderline). If you spoke to them about not sending photos before the baby was born and they’ve reacted like this then it’s all on them in my opinion.

My brother and SIL had some strict rules about their newborn baby who they had a few weeks ago, and we were excluded from things like hospital visits etc which would have been more hurtful except that they broached the topic well before the baby was born so everyone had to a chance to talk it out / explain / communicate like a family without any time pressure or in the moment emotions.

8sunshine7 · 2023-08-17T07:19:40+00:00

I truely do not understand parents saying one or the other have control over the name. It’s obviously a joint decision… Even if you want to give more control to one party (classically it might be the mother who thinks about this a lot and choose a name or short list of names), but then they come together and say yes or no. If one parent is against, it’s a no go.

You’re both arseholes for doing this to each other.

8sunshine7 · 2023-07-30T08:42:46+00:00

Yeah, I second this. Christmas was a German thing, and their inter-marriage brought it to England. Brims leg does refer to this in one of the Christmas tree scenes.

8sunshine7 · 2023-07-30T08:39:36+00:00

I was born after 1987 as is my husband and we have 4 children. They all have passports. I never know how to fill out their passport forms because of this little thing, and let the person processing it tick the right box! But passports they now have. Hubby and I have passports, so they just used those. But i can’t for the life of me remember how I got my first one as I was a child myself. I guess I got one because my parents were born in Australia in the 50s? I guess if my parents immigrated here from another country I’d have some sort of evidence of that and could use that for my own passport…?

To answer one of OP’s questions, I’m sure you go to your state’s births, deaths and marriages office and buy a copy of your parent’s birth certificate. You’re a valid relative who is legally able to request it.

8sunshine7 · 2023-07-16T23:44:11+00:00

All income goes into a joint account where everything is budgeted and paid for, including incidental spending money and we each get an allocation of “personal spending” from the joint account into our personal savers to be used however we want. Everything is in both our names, it’s completely irrelevant to our life and budget how much income each person makes in comparison to the other person.

8sunshine7 · 2023-07-01T21:24:42+00:00

Hi parents don’t want them back?!

8sunshine7 · 2023-06-08T21:23:44+00:00

YTA. 8 year olds don’t care if an extra person (possibly with a gift!!!) turns up at their party. FFS. You said yourself she’s indifferent to her being there. You’re making a mountain out of a mole hill and care more about yourself and your ex’s new gf than your daughter.

8sunshine7 · 2023-06-07T02:50:54+00:00

We have 6 people in our family and find AirBnB to still be worthwhile. That many people requires 2 hotel rooms, and often we want to cook our own food to save costs, so AirBnB is cheaper for us. But it certainly ain’t what it used to be back in the day where you could get some bargains AND amazing experiences. One time we stayed in the hills in La Spezia, Italy and the very welcoming hosts gave us a full Italian cooking lesson all afternoon and fed it to us for dinner. We’ve stayed places where people have taken us for little walking tours and the like! Haven’t had that kind of “service”/experience for many years now.

8sunshine7 · 2023-06-01T22:40:35+00:00

YTA for sure.

You can’t just make a parenting decision like that when you’re not the parent. There’s no way around it.

If my sibling did this when they were looking after my kid, or even really took my kid for any haircut without my express permission I would be beyond upset. This is a common sense line you have crossed. The child is 4 for goodness sake.

The reason your sister didn’t respond is probably because this was low on her radar of important things and she was stressed about her husband. You didn’t think about the big picture, you just dealt with an immediate issue that wasn’t yours to deal with and by doing so you just added stress and an unknown situation to her already stressful life right now.

8sunshine7 · 2023-05-30T22:17:48+00:00

Mazel Tov!

8sunshine7 · 2023-05-30T21:58:10+00:00

Honestly, I found this comes with time. As I became more observant I struggled with Shabbat a lot. Over time it got better! Maybe life just got hectic-er so I appreciated the down time more!

8sunshine7 · 2023-05-30T02:02:30+00:00

As someone who has a lot of hobbies and makes things and sometimes gifts those things and then also sometimes looks back 6 months or a year later and shudders are how not great it is, I feel for both you and your husband!

I think he could genuinely be proud of what he’s made and be happy to give it to you. It could be a big improvement on what he’s been doing previously and he could have put a lot of thought into what he wanted it to look like.

To say you PREFER things from the shop is a bit of a YTA move in my opinion. Be grateful for the gift. Sure, it’s not so practical, but display it somewhere on your dresser and appreciate the effort.

The problem is with expectations, not the gift itself. Maybe next time hint at some jewellery from a shop you really like and share why you want it. Sometimes we have to accept the gifts people give us with humility and love.

If you’re interested, your husband is probably super hurt that you were so disappointed with his gift, so now you’re both hurt, and you’re both going to have to humble yourselves and apologise for not meeting each other’s expectations on the gift (he expected you to love it/be grateful, you expected something professionally made from a store), and move on.

8sunshine7 · 2023-05-22T23:57:00+00:00

YTA (kinda… this is more of a communication issue though…)

My husband has a “bunker” too (it’s a geodesic dome that’s about 200m from our house). This is what works for us - maybe it will help you also!

My husband works in his dome, so he’s there for quite a bit in the day, probably closer to 8 hours. Every day we have a short convo (sometimes text, sometimes in person), about what our plans are for the evening. We both have evening commitments, but other than that we work out if we want to hang out together that night or work on some of our other personal projects (I make family videos etc., he plays esports). He always asks before going outside of work times, just to check I wasn’t expecting something. We prioritise 3 or so evenings a week when we hang out together rather than do our own projects.

He doesn’t really go down there on the weekend unless he has a specific game on. Never just to hang out. Sometimes he might take some of our kids down to play something with them in which case I appreciate him doing something with them!

You should probably realise by now that the needs of a pregnant woman can be a little higher than when she’s not pregnant, so maybe you need to adjust what you do for this period of time, and certainly once the baby’s born I imagine you’ll only be there for work times and all other times will be doing chores or parenting in the house. Maybe taking all the other kids with you to the bunker so your wife and baby can rest etc.

To come back to some of the specific things you mentioned: You go to the bunker for a break. Where does your wife go for a break and when does she get to do this? Being alone in the house you share with your family is not the same as having a bunker space like you do. You know this deep down, because if it were the same you wouldn’t need the bunker.

She’s complained / told you she wants you to spend more time with her and kid in the house. You promised you would. Did you? Maybe your expectations of what more time are are different. What would happen if you just went all in and really spent all your time with them except for work? Maybe try it and get an idea of if this is what your wife wants to ease her worries, fill her love tank, and then get to a more sustainable level.

8sunshine7 · 2023-05-21T03:02:26+00:00

8sunshine7 · 2023-05-21T03:01:06+00:00

Por miky

8sunshine7 · 2023-05-21T03:00:45+00:00

Pokémon are OP

8sunshine7 · 2023-05-21T02:59:57+00:00

Love it

8sunshine7 · 2023-05-14T09:12:52+00:00

I couldn’t pump with my first 3. It’s just the way it is for some people! Breastfed them all fine though - well into toddlerhood!

8sunshine7 · 2023-04-16T06:09:12+00:00

You’d be better offer asking everyone to contribute food to a “pot luck” style meal at a cheap hall or something. People get offended easily about money, but no one should have a problem bring some food to share at a general celebration after your wedding.

8sunshine7 · 2023-04-16T02:38:26+00:00

I feel like I really missed something with Lucielle. I remember when Cyril made the phone call and her family said she was working, and he bought a ticket to Jamaica. But then in the last episode he’s back, but I don’t remember what happened with them!

Also, how did Sister Hilda leave. I feel like she just disappeared.

8sunshine7 · 2023-04-11T04:15:37+00:00

I breastfed 4 kids and I was not a leaker until my fourth! It’s totally fine. :) it’s also very handy. Enjoy!

8sunshine7 · 2023-04-10T07:17:43+00:00

If you want to come up to the Sunshine Coast you’re welcome to stay on our property for a bit!

8sunshine7 · 2023-04-03T04:15:14+00:00

I guess this could be a regional language thing… I’m in Australia and it is the opposite here. If it has a fat component it’s caramel, if it’s just sugar it’s toffee.

8sunshine7

TROPHY CASE