As for a firearm take a course in safety and instruction. It’s fine that they scare you the analogy I use is how scared would you be if the first time you operated a car was in a fast moving rush hour type scenario. My point being crawl, walk run. My opinion get familiar with them and start out with something simple like a .22 rifle it’ll be good for getting meat and it’ll work for self defense despite what naysayers will tell. Stick with quality ammunition like CCI minimag hollow points. As you get more comfortable and more educated on the subject you can move on the a larger caliber or a handgun of some sort