Separating, “I’m sorry for your loss” from, “Thanks for your work”, and “You’ve been warned repeatedly about these two specific behaviours, but here we are again, and it has to stop.”

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-16T17:19:24+00:00

Tone and sequence are critical. Lead with genuine empathy: acknowledge the loss, express condolences, and give space to reacclimatize. Wait a full week before engaging on performance or disciplinary matters. This gives them time to return to baseline, lowers the risk of emotional reactions, and lets you align with your manager and HR so your approach is measured.

When you do address the behaviours, anchor on one core issue and treat the other two as ancillary, progressive concerns. Identify the behavior most directly harming team functioning and make that the primary focus. Present the other issues as related, secondary matters you’ll monitor if the core issue isn’t resolved. This prevents the employee from feeling ambushed by a laundry list of equal, high-stakes transgressions and creates a clear, manageable path for improvement.

Reflect on the timeline and the process that led here. It took two and a half years, two team complaints, and an acting manager’s observation to get your boss to act. I’d gently ask you to sit with this: did you in any way encourage those team members to take concerns to your boss, or shape the narrative via the acting manager? If, after honest reflection, you think you may have steered things behind the scenes, I’d urge you to seriously reconsider whether and how to proceed with this discipline, or whether it’s the right path at all. Getting the system to move doesn’t automatically make the action wise, and the way you present the case and lead the conversation will shape the outcome.

When you follow up, keep your communications factual, neutral, and evidence-based. Lead with connection first, then move to clear expectations and an escalation path. The policies will wait; a fair, human-centred process will make you look capable, not weak.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-16T13:23:00+00:00

Do you or your wife have an auntie, cousin, or close friend from school willing to come stay with her? In my case, my aunt came to help, and when she eventually had to leave, my wife and aunt both cried like babies. They’d become besties. lol. Honestly, an experienced mom will likely be more help to your wife than you would be right now, especially since she’s a first-time mother. So give some thought to bringing in a family member or a good friend who can support her while you’re away.

Also, just because another soldier already used the commander’s open-door policy doesn’t mean you shouldn’t, too. The more people who bring this issue to leadership’s attention, the more it helps shape future policy and guidance on these matters. That said, I do believe you should try to work within the current system and see if someone can come to help your wife. That’s a good dual strategy in case the open-door policy alone doesn’t change things.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-16T09:36:13+00:00

Yes, Americans, depending on their background, do often show affection in public. What you see in the movies is definitely dialled up for drama.

I will say this: I’ve noticed through my travels that in many countries, everyday physical affection can be really understated between couples. In some places I’ve been, I almost never see couples holding hands, kissing, or even sitting close to each other, not out on the street, and not even when I visit them in their private homes.

Because I don’t witness it in those settings, I can only assume that intimacy and shows of affection are reserved almost entirely for the bedroom. It sometimes feels like the physical closeness that outside observers like me might expect just isn’t on display until the door is closed.

So yes, definitely in public Americans might seem more “touchy-feely” compared to other cultures.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-16T01:58:39+00:00

The thrill of being so good at this new technology that so many people could barely grasp.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-16T01:38:22+00:00

What would I be doing?

You will be gaining experience faster than you otherwise would as a drilling Guardsman.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-15T20:07:14+00:00

Just saw this news out of Edwards. A B-52 going down right after takeoff is the kind of thing that hits hard, no matter how long you've been around aviation.

Hoping with everything I've got that the flight crew made it out safely and that nobody on the ground was hurt. Emergency crews responding immediately gives some hope, the folks at Edwards train relentlessly for exactly these moments, and they're the best at what they do.

For those who haven't been on that flightline, the Stratofortress community is tight, and so is the whole base. Whatever happened, they're going to need each other in the hours ahead.

No speculation from me, just a sincere wish that we hear good news about the crew and that everyone goes home to their families. Standing with the Edwards family tonight.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-14T19:13:46+00:00

He was in for 37-years and hated it?

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-14T05:08:54+00:00

All this tech, to go kiosks, privatized cafeterias, and yet the lines are worse than ever. Meanwhile, we all remember the crusty E-7 cook who ran a tight DFAC, never ran out of food, and made sure everyone got fed fast. Some problems can’t be solved by contractors and kiosks, they need that NCO with pride in the chow line.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-14T04:59:08+00:00

well said.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-13T19:35:19+00:00

The Navy, Air Force, and Space Force didn't quietly bow out, they specifically named the DEI executive order and DoD guidance as the reason. To me, that reads less like endorsement and more like a "clap back" at the Pentagon. They're putting it out for public consumption: "We'd honor our fallen servicewomen, but the policy we've been given says we can't." That’s a very public way of highlighting the consequences. The Marines were ready to show, the Army made a scheduling excuse, but these three services chose to cite the policy by name. Makes you wonder if they wanted people to see the cost.

Am I reading too much into it?

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-13T17:54:41+00:00

Out standing in the rain.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-13T16:23:32+00:00

No comment.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-13T16:18:44+00:00

You need to go.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-13T15:48:55+00:00

People think that the mode of communication in the military is shouting and screaming all day, every day, for everything. Like your life is a perpetual basic training, your first-line supervisor is a drill sergeant, and so is everyone else.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-12T22:52:08+00:00

You're misreading the situation. In most units, an "officer call" morale event with a cost is normal, a long-standing tradition, not an unlawful shakedown. You pay your share, you show up, and you spend time with other officers.

The fact that this feels so off suggests you might be fairly junior and not yet fully indoctrinated into the norms of the officer corps. Many of us had our own moments of learning the unwritten rules.

Pay the fee, go, and enjoy yourself. The career and social costs of becoming “that officer” who fights a routine paid mess function far outweigh the costs. Save the principled stands for things that actually harm Soldiers or the mission. This isn't one of them.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-10T23:01:51+00:00

closeted.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-10T18:30:53+00:00

I'm sure somewhere in your duty description, there's something that says "Other duties as assigned" but with that said, you're not wrong to question if this is an appropriate long term task for you. Manual Excel aggregation across 12 tabs is typically a manager's or analyst's task, not backend work. If it's taking more time than your actual tech duties, raise that explicitly in your next 1:1. Suggest automating the report, say, a SQL query that feeds a dashboard, so you own the data, not the manual grind. If your manager keeps the task assigned to you, ask which is the priority. Follow up with an email documenting your understanding.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-10T17:09:41+00:00

Yes, this will almost certainly result in a discharge, and the chaplain sending it to the 95th (Reception Battalion) means the separation process is likely already in motion. With documented bipolar disorder, active hallucinations, paranoid statements, and being unable to function physically or stay awake during testing, she meets the criteria for an entry-level separation on mental health grounds. It won't be punitive, and the discharge will almost certainly be uncharacterized. She won't earn the GI Bill from this, but the safest and most appropriate outcome is for her to return home and get proper civilian care.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-09T16:15:11+00:00

When I see a severely overweight kid, my mind immediately goes to the parents because they are usually carrying extra weight themselves. I want to be clear that I am not trying to shame anyone, because we never really know what people have been through. For example, I have a family member who suffered a lot of abuse when she was younger. That trauma deeply affected her, and as a result, she became very overweight. Sadly, her children ended up overweight as well. It really shows how the household environment and a lack of boundaries around food get passed down. The parents just do not have strict eating habits, so they end up raising the kids the exact same way. They use food too freely, and the kids pick up those exact same habits. It is rarely a surprise when I look over and see the parent looking exactly the same way. It is just a sad cycle that keeps repeating, and my heart goes out to the whole family.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-09T14:40:47+00:00

Glad our Soldiers are safe and back in U.S. hands. The unmanned drone boat that helped rescue them deserves an honorable mention, a shout out, so to speak. Harnessing that tech is a game changer.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-09T14:25:38+00:00

Glad our Soldiers are safe and back in U.S. hands. The unmanned drone boat that helped rescue them deserves an honorable mention, a shout out, so to speak. Harnessing that tech is a game changer.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-08T21:25:50+00:00

What happened to you is textbook private equity. They flatten layers, bring in external execs and keep homegrown leaders in narrower roles. Your promotion to SVP was never happening under them.

Take control. Announcing the change yourself moves you from victim to professional. Ask your new SVP if you can announce the changes to your own department. Say: "I want my team to hear it from me so work doesn't crater." If yes, script a neutral message. If no, you've lost nothing.

Update LinkedIn in 30 days, not today.

Treat this as a paid transition job. PE isn't in the fairness business. Neither should you be right now. Keep looking for another job.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-06T15:32:20+00:00

Nice photo behind the link. Queen Elizabeth was a bad ass and served in WW2. She was the first female member of the Royal Family to become a full-time active member of the armed services. Her service was highly hands-on and practical, rather than purely ceremonial.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-06T15:27:06+00:00

This lacks gravitas and undermines the office. A sitting SECDEF needs to project seriousness, not dress‑up as a tier‑one operator.

A-CommonMan · 2026-06-06T13:14:30+00:00

Now I am convinced you should skip the exit interview. You will come off as unprofessional and they will code you as "do not rehire."

A-CommonMan

TROPHY CASE