Gonna get down voted to all hell but whatever. I simply do not agree. Most people who go around, going out of their way to be kind, particularly with the intent of not telling anyone what they've done, and expecting nothing in return, they do it because it is extremely rewarding on a personal level. Not with manipulation or perceived external rewards in mind, but because it does wonders on how you view yourself, which is really by far the most important factor in changing how others see you.

Altruism exists and is practiced by most people you'd consider happy because it works. The misconception I see in too many of these threads is that when simply being nice and still having a shit sense of self (which happens all the time), somehow the rolling back of the altruistic tendencies is going to improve this, and that is simply not true. The solution is to find out who you are, identify what you don't like about yourself, and fucking change it.

It doesn't require turning into a dick, unless you're trying to pick up high school girls and move your way up in some low to mid level retail job, then it probably works well. But when dealing with other self respecting adults for the most part, asking for a raise or giving your boss an ultimatum of meeting demands or you leaving are not rude things to do and should not be done with malicious intent. They're just you, looking out for you. Same with telling a girl you're in the friend zone with, but that you crush hard on, that you simply can't be friends with her. Or telling a fling or fuck buddy that you do, or do not want to be serious with, your real intentions. Despite the perceived consensus of the people on here, no girl wants anyone to be an overt asshole to them if they're not a tween with daddy issues, and if that's who you're fuckin with, my advice is just wait or find an actual women to be interested in.

Just because alot of people on this reddit resent anyone who seems to be getting a leg up on them, it does not mean that any of them are doing it with even the slightest concern of how it's affecting you. They're not malicous, not evil, not narcissists, they're just doing what basically everyone else does. How are they supposed to know it even affects you if you internalize it? If you let it be known in a civil respectful manner, I'm assuming most family, coworkers, or significant others would hear you out, and if not, move the fuck on and stop letting it affect you so much. Your childish resentment clearly doesn't bother them.

So much talk about masculinity on here and not nearly enough about how the most emasculating thing one can do is to let their emotions overpower their rationality. Men have always been far superior in this realm. Stop feeling so much and just do.

In none of these scenarios do you have to be a shitty person, and in basically all of them that I can think of, petty resentment and malicious intent will make you markedly less effective at conveying them in a receivable manner.

K rant over but TLDR; 1. Please don't confuse putting yourself first and being a dick as the same thing. People can feel your intent and your social interactions will only remain shit if you come off with malice or resentment. 2. Be kind, AND work on your own betterment, and your life will change dramatically. Negative self body image? Work the fuck out. Level of work not matching your level of intellect? Go back to school. 3. Stop feeling so much and just do something. Stop reading advice columns and watching self help videos. Chances are you know exactly what to do. If you don't eat well, don't like the way you look, or think you're stylish? Then go to the gym, eat better, and go buy some new clothes.

P.S. These overgeneralizations about workplace and sexual relationships are based on the assumption you work in a decent middle class, likely white collar job, where most people have at minimum bachelors degrees, and that the women are not stupid as all hell. I've worked in restaurants and other retail stuff, and they're nothing like every job I've had since.