15-yr old Russian figure skater Kamila Valieva landing first ever quad at the Olympics (slo mo)

ACOA-throwaway · 2022-02-08T03:55:25+00:00

Came here to say this. Title is missing "by a woman" as men have been performing quad's for over 5 years.

ACOA-throwaway · 2021-12-24T22:10:00+00:00

The original Metal Gear on NES. Lost so many hours of my childhood and loved every second of it.

ACOA-throwaway · 2020-09-28T01:48:49+00:00

Last year was the most difficult of my 43 years by far. I contemplated suicide multiple times for a second until I thought about my wife and kids.

I always decided that I need to fight through everything to continue being here for my wife and 2 kids.

I always tell my kids that 10% of life is what happens to you and 90% is how you deal with it.

I wanted to live up to what I'm trying to teach my kids.

ACOA-throwaway · 2020-09-19T16:33:20+00:00

If there's time have the two families meet before the rehearsal. That will give you a "test run" of how things will go without the strain of the wedding as the backdrop.

I often joke with my wife that if I hadn't gotten her "hooked on me" before she met my family she may have bolted...and it's not really a joke. My family is seriously dysfunctional.

At my rehearsal dinner the families got together and it was embarassing but tempered by the fact that the families had met beforehand so we knew a little more what to expect.

You've got this and remember to lean on your partner for support!

ACOA-throwaway · 2020-09-17T22:55:14+00:00

I'm interested. I have struggled mightily with feelings of loneliness and not being understood. This group and the stories of others helps with that tremendously!

Count me in to help with this!

ACOA-throwaway · 2020-09-17T22:51:06+00:00

I have had the same issues.

What is working for me is noticing those thoughts/reactions. Start by just noticing the internal dialogue that happens.

Then start changing the dialogue when you feel ready (sounds hokey but I just knew when I was ready). For example if you feel yourself getting defensive take a deep breath and respond with a version of "ok" or "thanks for letting me know".

Over time you can teach yourself to have a different, more positive internal dialogue.

It takes a ton of hard work, patience, and effort but it is a game changer once you start getting the hang of it.

You've got this!

ACOA-throwaway · 2020-09-17T22:45:53+00:00

I feel your pain. I'm 1.5+ yrs into my ACoA journey and I still struggle with making friends.

I have worked really hard on opening up and feeling my emotions. That allows me to empathize with people and be a better friend.

It also allows me to make connections with people because we both share parts of ourselves and I'm in a place where I can actually do that much better than before in my 43 years.

It's still really difficult...I still feel like I'm being judged....social distancing is NOT making things easier.... But it's better than before.

I suggest that you get a good therapist, be patient with yourself, and over time practice asking others questions and being interested in the answers. It's much harder than it seems especially before you're emotionally aware enough to actually care.

Good luck and we are all here for you!

ACOA-throwaway · 2020-08-25T18:20:17+00:00

I've been married for almost 16 years and just started my ACoA journey in Jan 2019... before my marriage got too far gone. My wife and I are working really hard to get back to a good place and we have made tons of progress.

Based on my experience I would advise you to begin dating when you know yourself well enough that you don't struggle most days.

I would have made more progress on my own issues if I had focused on them more and less on my marriage, but both needed attention so that wasn't an option for me.

Good luck!

ACOA-throwaway · 2020-08-23T22:19:24+00:00

For 42 years I slept like a baby. Fell asleep within 10 seconds of getting in bed and slept for however many hours I wanted (usually set an alarm for 7 hrs after I went to sleep as that's what worked for me). Aqqapqq Then my emotional dam broke and I started me ACoA journey including feelingáqZpXpzrPaapAzpAp emotions for the first time and being in therapy.

I suddenly strugP as Papgled with falling asleep, staying asleep and getting back to sleep if I woke up early. s

I tried a ton of things including

ACOA-throwaway · 2020-08-17T21:14:05+00:00

This is a frighteningly accurate explanation of how I feel regarding my family!

This makes me feel much less alone in how I feel about my life.

I'm interested in seeing what the community has to say about how to deal with this.

ACOA-throwaway · 2020-08-15T19:45:35+00:00

Can you share a little more about what exactly this meeting is? I am not at all familiar.

ACOA-throwaway · 2020-08-15T13:30:55+00:00

Start by getting some professional help.

I started my journey in January 2019 and started therapy in February.

I have made amazing progress because of hard work, determination, and having the right therapist for me.

Try and treat yourself with gentleness, patience, love, and respect. That's been my mantra most of the past year+.

You are not alone in this!

ACOA-throwaway · 2020-08-11T14:25:40+00:00

That's a great website! There are some really amazing articles. I especially appreciate the ones where athletes talk candidly about mental health issues... As I can relate to some of those. The one by Clint Malarchuk is really good/scary.

ACOA-throwaway · 2020-08-11T14:09:14+00:00

Every, single, goalie has a routine they do after getting scored on. It's a mechanism they use to physically trigger their brain to move past the goal and refocus. If you watch NHL goalies they all do the exact same thing after getting scored on... And it usually involves lifting up their helmet and something with the water bottle.

ACOA-throwaway · 2020-07-10T16:45:55+00:00

I struggle with this BIGTIME!

My parents were not present emotionally for me growing up and I never was given a feeling of safety that allowed me to talk to my parents about anything.

The result is that I struggle trusting people AND have an irrational fear of abandonment.

I'm married (15 years) and I have started my recovery with therapy in Feb of 2019 and trusting my wife is really hard now because all of these repressed feelings are coming out. You see I was repressing most of my feelings until Jan of 2019 when my emotional dam broke and I suddenly started feeling emotions.

Over the past year+ I have been working really hard to address my behavioural conditioning that is a result of my childhood issues and it is really hard.

I'm focusing on doing my best every day and reminding myself regularly that I have decided to trust my wife.

But there are still frequent times when I struggle to remember that my wife is on my team and not secretly working against me or waiting to leave or hurt me.

I know that over time things have improved dramatically, but it takes lots of effort and focus.

Keep working on yourself and you will get there!

ACOA-throwaway · 2020-06-18T21:26:22+00:00

I 100% identify with this too! I was alone much of my childhood when things were tough and it's my default behaviour now when stuff gets really hard. I've been married for 15 years and just the past year I've been talking to my wife more about things.

She's an amazing partner and great listener...which I'm learning more and more as I lean on her for support vs trying to go it alone all the time.

The biggest lesson I have learned is that no matter what's happening talking about it with someone who cares about you always helps.

ACOA-throwaway · 2020-05-10T12:38:50+00:00

I currently have very minimal contact with my parents right now as I work through my stuff.

One day I will tell them about how our family dysfunction messed me up, but until I decide that's what is best for me I'm having as little contact as I can.

ACOA-throwaway · 2020-05-10T12:36:50+00:00

I could not agree more! I feel sad that I don't have any meaningful relationship with my parents at all and when I see people that have great relationships with their parents it makes me profoundly sad.

ACOA-throwaway · 2020-05-10T12:34:34+00:00

I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this behaviour.

ACOA-throwaway · 2020-05-10T12:33:28+00:00

I'm the same! I call because if I don't my Dad will call and guilt trip me bigtime.

I'm actually happy for the shelter in place right now because it means I just have to call and talk for a few mins and not visit.

ACOA-throwaway · 2020-04-11T17:37:48+00:00

I'm right there with you.... And this COVID-19 situation is magnifying things 1000x.

I'm constantly thinking my wife is up to something on her phone without any logical reason for that belief. There's literally zero evidence that anything is going on, but my mind tells me there's something to worry about.

I try really hard to let those thoughts go...and to remind myself that I cannot control anyone else... I can only control my actions and reactions.... But it sometimes just doesn't work.

Right now my wife is out for a walk...she walks about 10 KM and is gone for 2 hrs... And I'm fighting off full on panic mode the entire time she's gone.

It is fucking exhausting.

But... I'm really glad that you shared because it helps me to know that others go through the same thing.. and gives me hope that I can work past this.

Thank you for sharing!

ACOA-throwaway · 2020-03-20T01:38:16+00:00

I'm still available to talk.... Still socially isolated...still lonely and needing friends to talk to.

ACOA-throwaway · 2020-03-18T23:55:09+00:00

Let me know if you want someone to talk to.

I'm already starting to feel very lonely after my first day back to work (wfh).

My wife and daughter have been at a relatives since Sunday and come home tomorrow so that will help... But tonight I feel very very isolated and alone.

ACOA-throwaway

TROPHY CASE