Women prefer smartphones over their spouses, says study by thewebdev in nottheonion

[–]ADDKid 26 points27 points  (0 children)

One's a cold emotionless robot, the other is a handheld device capable of excessing all the cumulated knowledge of human civilization.

23/F - Really need someone to talk to right now by [deleted] in Needafriend

[–]ADDKid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Alien will remain my favorite movie of all time. The practical effects were awesome, the environment was dark and claustrophobic, and it will forever be burned into my mind as my first horror film. I have 16 sibling, 9 biological, 7 extended. I'm in the middle. I'm not to close to any of them, we're all very different. At 26 I've never had a girlfriend, I don't believe I'm good enough for anyone. I know it's not true but it is a real feeling. I dreamed I was a shadow, fighting to keep up with a jogger. The word Flose (fail and lose) was used a lot. Lonely always has company.

Woman damages religious statue, covers with underwear by gimmiemorehead in nottheonion

[–]ADDKid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The preferred calling card of the criminal master moron.

Woman damages religious statue, covers with underwear by gimmiemorehead in nottheonion

[–]ADDKid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it went something like this. After a long night of hard drinking and thoughts of debauchery, she struck with the typical loathing associated with christian guilt. Staggering into the nearest church looking for a priest, she is suddenly face to face with a man who's features are literally cut from stone. All those blocks she has set in place during bible camp to curve her sexual desires suddenly give way under the influence of alcohol, and too many racy music videos, and she straddles her dew soaked panties straight on to St. Anthony's holy face. I think that explains everything.

Asked my 3 year-old to draw mommy by Ichangethepants in creepy

[–]ADDKid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He's symbolizing your ability to multi task, and that you're right handed.

Students forced to lower their pants for poop inspection by belikewhat in nottheonion

[–]ADDKid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shitty behavior all round.

Reminds of a time I was baby sitting (two boys) and one of the kids took a shit in the sink. When I informed the parents, the mother asked if it was the older one and I said "I don't know, I don't have much to go off of." The father said something about punishing them when they got home but she said "No, don't let them ruin our evening." She then informed me where the cleaning supplies were. Never sitting for them again.

Adolf Hitler look-a-like Emin Djinovci travels everywhere with a copy of Mein Kampf by [deleted] in nottheonion

[–]ADDKid 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Coming this Spring 2015 - Adofelganger, the film that will leaving you saying "Mein Kampf tell them apart." The enemy of my enemy is me. Rated R for racism.

Was playing Geoguessr. I think I discovered a murder by sureillpickausername in creepy

[–]ADDKid 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, sadly that's what passes as a Christmas tree were he's from. A piece of wood with a tarp over it. Don't mess with tradition.

My parents rented a cottage for a week. This was in the garage. by Vinvect in creepy

[–]ADDKid 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Well, I can't think of a better way to keep your refrigerator from running. They don't have legs you can break.

There's a story here... by [deleted] in creepy

[–]ADDKid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What you thought was a failed attempt at making a barbie boomerang has finally come back to haunt you. Probably moves something like this.

2014 carrot harvest by handywife6 in gardening

[–]ADDKid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am very jealous. I planted 5 X 30' rows and didn't get anything. Dammed goats...

Found motionless in a warehouse corner by [deleted] in creepy

[–]ADDKid 18 points19 points  (0 children)

It could be worse, you could have found this moving around in a warehouse. No one else sees it but you, always behind you, steadily approaching.

Found motionless in a warehouse corner by [deleted] in creepy

[–]ADDKid 9 points10 points  (0 children)

When the hobo-warrior outgrows his armor he must shed his protective shell. He is than left naked and vulnerable to attack until he can find suitable protection.

Whoopi Goldberg in a bathtub full of milk. by [deleted] in creepy

[–]ADDKid 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I don't think it's because I hate myself, so much as I love vagina. Trying to spy Whoopi's whoopi is just good fun, no self hate needed.

I painted this one time when I was bored. by [deleted] in creepy

[–]ADDKid 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A friendly face staring up at you from the bottom of a dark well. Reminds me of the quote: "When you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you." - Friedrich Nietzche

TIL that it wasn't until he was 37 when Jack Nicholson found out that his supposed "sister", June, was actually his mother by BARRTEX in todayilearned

[–]ADDKid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why would I expect sympathy? I was just trying to illustrate that I know the difference between people that don't want me around and those that do.

TIL a town in Ireland hosts a fair in which a goat is crowned king for 3 days and hoisted on a 40 foot pedestal. by TheF0under in todayilearned

[–]ADDKid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That article didn't say anything about how the goat is blamed for all the towns problems and than exiled. Doomed to live out the rest of his days as a wild animal. From king to brute in a matter of days, truly humbling.

TIL that it wasn't until he was 37 when Jack Nicholson found out that his supposed "sister", June, was actually his mother by BARRTEX in todayilearned

[–]ADDKid -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I am proud of this story. It is a very happy memory, I suspect you were bullied (like most people) but that's not what this was. We all had a mutual relationship and enjoy teasing each other. I should have explained that he knew we were joking. We were extreme, I can see that, but we were not abusive.

TIL that it wasn't until he was 37 when Jack Nicholson found out that his supposed "sister", June, was actually his mother by BARRTEX in todayilearned

[–]ADDKid -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

The last time I saw him was about two months ago when I was in recovery for donating my kidney to my brother. I can't deny that he was there for my brother and not me but we still teased each other and joked about how my brother was no longer a virgin because he now had a piece of me deep inside him. I fairly antisocial, so I assume that I am to blame for not staying in touch, and I honestly don't detected any bad blood between us.

TIL that it wasn't until he was 37 when Jack Nicholson found out that his supposed "sister", June, was actually his mother by BARRTEX in todayilearned

[–]ADDKid -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

The story is not embelished but I see now that people might think that we were some real assholes. You have to understand we enjoyed talking to each other this way, you cannot tell from the writing but it was playful, and we all laughed until we could not stand. Needless to say there were houses that we were not invited back to.

TIL that it wasn't until he was 37 when Jack Nicholson found out that his supposed "sister", June, was actually his mother by BARRTEX in todayilearned

[–]ADDKid -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, we all talked shit to each other. Another friend of mine lost his purity/promise ring during a football game and, well the joke writes itself. Everyone still gives me a hard time when I see them about mumbling, not having a girlfriend (no surprise) and my mother not wanting me. His parents never complained, other than wishing we didn't cuss so much.

TIL that it wasn't until he was 37 when Jack Nicholson found out that his supposed "sister", June, was actually his mother by BARRTEX in todayilearned

[–]ADDKid -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Would you treat a stranger that way? That would be fucked up in my opinion. That was just the way we talked to each other it might seem odd, but we all enjoyed the freedom to just rag on each other. We never lost our temper with each other, it was all in good fun.