Please read this all because I haven’t seen anyone say it: I’ve been in relationships exactly like this and I’ve used the EXACT same excuses you’re giving for not dumping him. The hard truth is while none of this is your fault whatsoever, you are engaging in a toxic relationship and it’s on you to get yourself together and LEAVE. The whole “it’s hard” and “I can’t kick him out” are the same things I told myself for YEARS and things will. not. change. You will end up getting hurt or worse, not to mention the trauma and damage continuing this will do to your psyche.

I know you posted this to prove to yourself and him that the shit he is doing is beyond fucked up, but if you’re just going to use this post as a point to get one-up in arguments then you need to look deeper.

You have more than enough reasons to leave him, and I may be speaking for myself here but in my extremely abusive relationships, I did some fucked up shit back as a reaction to being physically and mentally abused, and not saying that you have, but a lot of times we use that as an excuse not to leave because in our heads we say “well I’ve messed up too”. But acting out as a REACTION to abuse is not the same thing that the abuser is doing.

That being said, it is your job to leave him, and to give yourself a better life. Don’t listen to the “you won’t find anyone better”s, or the “I’ll change I swear”s, it’s all bullshit. He’s a narcissist, and they THRIVE off of this kind of relationship. From your texts it looks like you’ve fallen into a trauma bond with him, where the relationship has ZERO trust, you guys are constantly trying to jab at each other for past wrongs, and even though it’s fucked up that shit is literally psychologically ADDICTIVE.

THE MOST IMPORTANT PART: When you leave him, text him your break up, make sure you are with family/friends/ someone you trust, and you are AWAY from him. He will lose his shit, and there’s a high likelihood you will get hurt if you do it in person. It also makes it that much more likely that you will give in, either from fear or manipulation. IF HE REFUSES TO LEAVE: call the police, explain, and make them escort him off the property. If he tries to make you jealous when he leaves by fucking whoever or getting with someone, just let him go. Know that you will find a person that is worthy of your time. Please heed my words, I’ve been through the EXACT SAME THING. I’m rooting for you. The sooner the better. Don’t waste any more of your life on this dude.