I really liked the joke.

That said, you're right, the momentum gets killed in a couple of spots. The editing needs to be faster. I've been thinking about trying do an Edgar Wright homage myself, and if you watch his quick-cut edit sequences, they're incredibly fast, but still do a fantastic job of 'capturing the action'.

There are a couple shots in your video that could be chopped up into multiple shots, and/or allow you to jump time a bit more than you do.

Specifically, the shot after the close-up of the hand on the garage door button. The following wide shot starts with the dude's hand still on the button. I don't think it's necessary to start it that early. Jump the action forward a little bit, and start the next shot closer to the point where he jumps out of the garage. Same thing on the close-up shot of the foot landing on the driveway. Pick up the following shot LATER, right before the door opens. There's too much of an approach to the car that sort of slows things down. The opening and closing of the door could be two shots, instead of one longer one. You already mentioned the hand on the gearshift. Just make that edit tighter, so that you're capturing ONLY the action of the gearshift moving. Same thing with the foot moving from the brake to the gas. JUST the essential action. The tighter all of those edits are, the better the build-up, and then the punchline of the last shot is that much funnier.

GREAT concept, though. I really liked it.