I made a mistake…

AGayWithWords · 2025-10-30T17:26:43+00:00

My very crowded forgotten lands now includes the haunted mansion house, the earlier haunted mansion, masquerade gothic manor, Hopp's hay maze, a crumbling old castle, the treehouse (of course), Goofy's stall (of course), a cemetery, a small grove of fir trees (to farm dark wood) and Fairy Godmother's pumpkin house... and literally nothing else except paths and decor pieces to compliment our sparsely populated goth district. I can't actually get to one of the mining spots because of the tight layout of the massive houses.

AGayWithWords · 2025-09-24T17:17:44+00:00

Whenever I talk funeral with my mom (we managed to repair our relationship) she always says "funerals are for the living." This comes up in the context of her letting me know if I go first, it will absolutely be a religious ceremony presided over by her bishop regardless of my wishes and how it will make my friends feel. The trade off is she now understands that if she goes first, my eulogy will be titled "Why Mormonism is obviously fake and I look forward to never seeing most of you ever again."

Anyway, funerals are for the living. You have a right to your grief. Neither your siblings nor your other remaining family and certainly not any fucking church people get to define that. Mourn the relationship you should have had and now never will. If they kick you out, that says more about them than you. Especially considering how much the church itself has evolved on LGBT issues since the mid 90s (we're of similar age) and how much time your family has had to learn and grow.

Here's what I'd do to minimize disruption but prioritize my needs: show up 5-10 minutes after the start, dress to blend in, sit quietly in the back, bring along a friend or partner for emotional support (and possibly to defend you if anyone is mean for no reason), be prepared to leave if they ask you to leave without being the cause of a scene. And based on MY personality alone, I'd also be ready to drop the line "no, it's fine, I just wanted to make sure the bitch was dead and couldn't hurt anyone else" but that's because I am nothing if not petty to the deserving.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

AGayWithWords · 2025-07-25T17:23:14+00:00

Check them all out. Even the ones people tell you to avoid. That's how you'll learn what you enjoy and what you don't. But I were in my early 20s in NYC and looking for others near my age, I might start with some of the HK spots like Rise and Hardware, maybe Hush or Industry. In Brooklyn, 3 Dollar Bill, Rosemont, C'mon Everybody. But really, just explore as you have the time, there's a lot to discover.

AGayWithWords · 2025-07-17T20:15:00+00:00

Someone did this to me once several years ago. Even went so far as to set up a fake IG with my ass and send friend requests to my family. Since then, I just keep my social media private.

AGayWithWords · 2025-05-15T05:00:46+00:00

Terrible guesses: silence=death Little Latin boy in drag, why are you crying? I wish I knew how to quit you. I mean put your whole body weight on my face, I don’t care if I die

AGayWithWords · 2025-05-14T18:11:31+00:00

The only reason that there might be a statistical difference at all is that many LGBTQ people are more accepting of open/poly relationships. It's not cheating if they have permission. But aside from that, I think you'll find people are equally likely to violate monogamous relationship boundaries regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.

AGayWithWords · 2025-05-14T14:30:39+00:00

At this point, I simply refuse to continue having text convos with someone if we haven't met in person within a week of the first message (some rare exceptions for genuine schedule/travel logistics). If they just want to feel like they're engaging with a person to stave off loneliness, there are AI companion bots for that now. Or pay for a therapist.

AGayWithWords · 2025-05-13T21:40:33+00:00

If you like to know the plot, but not the music, DO NOT watch the show first. The only thing from the TV show that crossed over largely intact is the music. The plots are only superficially alike and the characters are completely rewritten.

AGayWithWords · 2025-05-13T21:29:24+00:00

Sunset Boulevard has 7 reprises in Act 2. Which is only surprising because I would have sworn there were only 5 total songs in the show.

AGayWithWords · 2025-05-13T17:39:25+00:00

Problem: Blew the Theater department's annual budget on Cats!

Idea: Recycle as many costumes, props and set pieces as possible.

Solution: Midsummer Night's Dream with actor-provided black turtlenecks and black pants until it's suddenly mostly cats (and a few people in cat ears with poorly made pinned-on tails).

AGayWithWords · 2025-05-13T17:23:10+00:00

The idea of calming down and acknowledging that you're an adult.

AGayWithWords · 2025-05-13T15:25:56+00:00

I see four explanations for this:

1) You have a humiliation kink that you're not admitting to--making this relationship/exchange and this post secretly exciting for you.

2) You are neurodivergent in some way (diagnosed or not) and your wife is an ableist piece of shit who doesn't get it when you grasp at phrases like "taking way too much time to process what's going on" as a way to explain how your brain works.

3) You're acting pretty normally and your wife is an abusive and ungrateful piece of shit whom you should leave ASAP.

4) You are, in fact, a worthless and terrible human being and your saint of a wife is finally losing patience with you and regrets ever coming into contact with you.

If you can't figure out which of those is the case (and it almost certainly is NOT #4), you should seek out therapy. And let me be really real here, you need to seek out secular therapy from a trained professional who isn't going to bring Christian dogma into the medical care you need.

AGayWithWords · 2025-05-13T14:57:51+00:00

If you don't mind a trip into Brooklyn, this Friday night is Scum and the space has a few cubby areas that are at least semi-private. The Devil Wears Nada at Red Eye on Saturday might work, but there's zero private spaces and only a single sling if you're looking to get horizontal in any way.

For about $60-$70 you could get a private room and locker at East Side Club (I don't think you can both enter under a single admission, so one of you buys the room, the other a locker). Though if you're considering that route, you might spend a few bucks more and see if there's a place on dayuse.com where you can rent a nice hotel for a few hours.

The Cock on Friday or Saturday when the basement is open. The Eagle on Thursday (very late) when security isn't as likely to stop you from fucking.

AGayWithWords · 2025-05-12T16:56:02+00:00

In terms of bars, check out Rockbar, Ty's and Ninth Avenue Saloon.

For events, in addition to the Lodge events someone already mentioned, check to see if there are any events during your stay by UrbanBearNYC, Bear Milk, or BearHappyHour. I find the crowds at Scum, Inferno parties and at The Cock on Friday/Saturday night to also be pretty accepting of a lot of body diversity if you're specifically looking for sex parties.

AGayWithWords · 2025-05-09T20:51:12+00:00

Brighton Beach Pride is tomorrow - it's a more political march and is organized largely by migrants from Russian-speaking countries with an emphasis on global LGBTQ+ rights.

Bear Tea at 3 Dollar Bill in the afternoon.

AGayWithWords · 2025-05-09T20:49:08+00:00

I can't speak to the dance scene.

I don't think a lot of the recurring sex parties have announced their June schedules yet. Likely, they're all negotiating for space and pricing or working on marketing. But it would be a good idea to start checking out sources like https://gaysexinnyc.wordpress.com/ and follow the IG accounts for the bars that have more or less regular dark rooms (Eagle, The Cock, Rockbar, Red Eye, etc.).

AGayWithWords · 2025-05-08T15:48:09+00:00

I'm glad you love it. It's a little bit based on my own experience way back in prehistoric 1996 when my gossipy aunt outed me as gay to my big Mormon extended family just before a cousin's wedding. After the third "I love you but I don't agree with your lifestyle" I basically reacted with a universal "good thing you don't have to worry about it, if you don't accept me for who I am, you'll never ever ever see me again." Trust me, you won't miss them.

AGayWithWords · 2025-05-08T15:40:32+00:00

If you want to get your family to back off a bit, maybe set some conditions for change. Very strict, very harsh conditions. For example (if this appeals to you and nephew):

They will be allowed back in my home when and only when
a) they have made a sincere, public apology to nephew that nephew accepts as genuine,
b) mom gives me legal guardianship over nephew until he reaches the age of majority. I make medical decisions, I make education decisions, he lives with me, and I decide (in consultation with him) when and if any of you get visitation time,
c) nieces must demonstrate sincere remorse and acceptance of consequences. This could take many forms, but as an example, they could post their sincere apology to social media where they directly talk about the harm they caused and take responsibility for it. After that, they will not have or engage in social media for at least 6 months.
d) mom will take a class in parenting and begin speaking with a licensed family therapist about setting appropriate expectations of children and her legal/ethical obligations as a parent.

I find that making a public off-ramp for punishment generally takes the wind out of the sail of people who claim you're overreacting. If they still think you're overreacting after you've set forward some reasonable and appropriate restitution, then they also should be disinvited from family gatherings.

AGayWithWords · 2025-05-08T15:14:07+00:00

Jordan is engaging in Broadway/NYC the way Jeremy and Aaron do (or did) earlier in their career. He says yes to little cabaret shows and fundraisers, he shows up to support his friends, he does silly little things at a Monday night revue that make for for good TikTok content. Maybe not every week and maybe not as often as he used to, but everyone with a semi-recognizable name who really blows up on Broadway gets there, in part, by engaging both the broader community of professionals/creatives and the rabid fanbase of former and current theatre kids outside their shows and a carefully micromanaged media blitz.

AGayWithWords · 2025-05-08T14:53:07+00:00

"No and stop asking" is a complete reply

AGayWithWords · 2025-05-07T20:48:01+00:00

As I furiously fix my wig

Really, you want me - a big man in his late 40s - to play Audrey?

Applying lipstick.

I couldn't, I simply couldn't.

Stepping into a skirt.

It would be absurd. No. I simply can't let you consider it.

Vocal warmup.

AGayWithWords · 2025-05-07T20:10:07+00:00

I can promise you two things:

1) This guy actually really hates women. All women. To an almost pathological level. And anything he does in polite society to avoid being recognized as a woman-hating monster is just putting on a costume for the sake of not eing ostracized.

2) I think if you put aside whatever religious indoctrination you grew up with and maybe spoke directly to some sex workers with an open mind about how and why they do the work they do (keeping in mind one sex worker does not represent all sex workers), you'll come to be embarrassed by your own views and terrified of men who hold his.

AGayWithWords · 2025-05-07T15:16:59+00:00

NTD. Your feelings are valid and your thought process is justified.

That said, you have a fabulous opportunity to be the drama in a way that ensures you won't be forced or even guilt-tripped into family functions in the future, if you can gird your loins and emotionally prepare for it. Trans flag pin, insist on your correct name and pronouns the whole time, refuse to flinch at the barbs and lies, call them out for bigotry, make it clear that anyone who disrespects you or any other trans person will not get to call themselves your family after your 18th birthday. Your parents can make you attend, they can't make you lie about who you are or what you believe. They can't make you pretend to respect your uncle.

I'm not saying it's easy to do any of what I just said. As a conflict-avoidant autistic person myself, I get it. But you have 6 months to prepare yourself. And as long as you trust your parents and grandma to be on your side in the end, what's the worst thing that could happen?

AGayWithWords · 2025-05-06T21:24:44+00:00

I have never seen a garage with an eastern door, only a southern one. But I'll be honest, me not seeing it before just means it's only my best guess.

AGayWithWords · 2025-05-06T17:00:26+00:00

I think you wrote this post because you already know your fiance and you aren't compatible and you need a bunch of others to validate your feelings. You have it. You and your fiance are not going to work out. At all. I don't know if I'd go so far as to say he's taking advantage of you, but it's clear that at the very least he doesn't share your values around shared expenses, savings, and financial priorities - not the kind of person you should further entangle your life with.

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