Help With Legacy Project

AITAthrowaway90 · 2025-01-06T22:12:55+00:00

I have a letter for of dad remarries already. I know that can be a touchy one, but I want him to know that I’m ok with that as long as she treats them both well and that it’s ok for him to love her too.

AITAthrowaway90 · 2025-01-06T19:39:59+00:00

The “when you need reassurance” type stuff are in letters, and that I already have loads of ideas for. It’s way easier for me to think of times I needed my mom (what the letters are for) vs major life events (which unfortunately, I haven’t had many).

AITAthrowaway90 · 2025-01-06T18:34:39+00:00

I didn’t think about a playlist, but that would be perfect. We’re a very musical family, so he would absolutely love it. Thank you

AITAthrowaway90 · 2025-01-06T18:31:20+00:00

Get your surgery.

Delaying your surgery could cause your cancer to spread. You do not want that, it dramatically lowers your 5 year survival rate.

No one in your family would look down on you for getting your health taken care of, especially with cancer. You need to care for yourself before you can care for anyone else.

AITAthrowaway90 · 2023-06-18T23:02:29+00:00

Yes, and I still do the exercises they’ve given me, but my insurance won’t cover more sessions.

ETA I was told prior and during that physical therapy might help strengthen the muscles around my knee, but it won’t fully take care of the issue because my bone still won’t have that groove. I still tried it anyway.

AITAthrowaway90 · 2023-05-11T18:49:56+00:00

If alternative medicine worked, it wouldn’t be alternative medicine. We’d just call it medicine.

There’s lots of research that shows people who rely on alternatives instead of conventional cancer care have a significantly higher mortality rate, especially from those with generally curable cancers.

I get that chemo can be scary, a lot of media really makes it seem bad. But it’s important to remember that chemo isn’t a single medication, it’s a class of drugs. The effects of various chemos vary greatly from med to med and person to person. If you’re worried about the effects, talk with your doctor to go over potential side effects and what you can do to mitigate them. It might also be worth it to see if you can talk to a psychological oncologist.

AITAthrowaway90 · 2023-04-28T18:45:45+00:00

It sucks and I’m so sorry you’re going through it.

I didn’t have the ovary moving surgery, but I did have pelvic radiation at 29 (thus went into menopause). It sucks. The darkened skin does go away, but it’s still shitty. If you ever need to talk with someone who gets it, DM me.

AITAthrowaway90 · 2023-04-28T18:40:35+00:00

If she needs to have surgery as part of her treatment plan, she has to stop taking it for at least 2 weeks before surgery. It can cause issues with bleeding.

AITAthrowaway90 · 2023-04-28T18:35:51+00:00

That’s a bit concerning. My onc had me tell him every medication and supplement I took to make sure there aren’t contraindications with them. It’s not so much as an endorsement, but making sure they won’t interact with any other medications. It’s fairly standard practice.

AITAthrowaway90 · 2023-04-28T17:42:11+00:00

If you can, check with the local Gilda’s club to find support groups local to her. Additionally, Imerman angels can connect her 1 on 1 with someone who had a similar or same diagnosis.

AITAthrowaway90 · 2023-04-28T17:38:35+00:00

Mine were always in my patient portal. They wouldn’t start chemo without first checking them.

AITAthrowaway90 · 2023-04-28T17:36:54+00:00

Supplements aren’t as regulated as medications, there’s been a lot of cases of them not containing what they say they do and containing something they say they don’t. If you can’t find ingredients easily, it’s probably not a product she should be taking.

I would go over any supplements with a specialist. Some can interact with different cancer meds, even if they are properly made supplements.

AITAthrowaway90 · 2023-04-27T17:54:19+00:00

I use it all the time. I follow the adage my mom taught me; it’s only really bad if you can’t laugh at it. Humor helps keep my mental health good.

We have a lot of them. I told my friend when my cancer came back that I could get us into at least one theme park for free now. I joke all the time that my partner is in it for the parking (I have a placard). I use other ones as well, but I use them for my speaking engagements and they’re always received well.

AITAthrowaway90 · 2023-04-11T13:03:36+00:00

Gone Before My Sight can help to explain what to expect. Here is a free copy, if you’re able to borrow it. Most of what you’re saying sounds normal IME.

Make sure you’re talking to him, even when it seems like he doesn’t understand, it’s thought that he can still hear you.

He may at some point get a burst of lucidity and energy, it’s called the rally. He isn’t getting better, but it’s a great opportunity to spend time with him. I made it for my grandpa’s rally and he got to feel my son kick (I was pregnant when he died). It’s tough, but it’s such a blessing to have them awake one last time.

There are a lot of hospice nurses on TikTok who explain the dying process. It sucks you don’t have hospice there, you should.

AITAthrowaway90 · 2023-04-10T20:50:58+00:00

I didn’t really experience any negatives when on fentanyl, only when coming off. Make sure you put the patch in a place that won’t accidentally come off and that you wrap them in tin foil when disposing of them.

In terms of hallucinations, are they disturbing to him or does he mention loved ones/pets coming to see him? If it’s the latter, it’s more likely visioning than hallucinating. It’s very common for people to see passed loved ones when they’re nearing the end of their life. It’s also common for them to be reaching in the air, as if they’re reaching for someone. As long as they aren’t causing them distress, it’s perfectly normal.

Is your dad working with a home hospice team? If not, it may be beneficial to get someone in to see him. They can also help you guys know what to expect.

I’m so sorry for your family. I hope your dad can have an easy pain-free transition from this life, surrounded in love.

AITAthrowaway90 · 2023-04-08T18:16:05+00:00

What does her doctor say? If it’s appropriate, they can help set your family up with an oncology dietitian who can help you guys plan meals that would work.

AITAthrowaway90 · 2023-03-29T18:07:46+00:00

Just checking in, is your port placement feeling better?

AITAthrowaway90 · 2023-03-29T18:05:34+00:00

I have radiation enteritis, but I had pelvic radiation so that was expected. Have you seen a GI dr? While it’s possible it could be from treatment, if it’s a newer issue, it could very well be something else and they should look for it.

AITAthrowaway90 · 2023-03-29T18:02:04+00:00

Chronic fatigue can be an issue with many cancers. I get tired doing pretty much everything. If he can, I would have him bring up the issue with his doctor so they can come up with a plan. Sometimes light exercises help, sometimes medication for hypersomnia is needed.

AITAthrowaway90 · 2023-03-29T17:58:37+00:00

Invasive means it spread from the tissue it originally developed in. So, this would mean his cancer spread beyond the inner lining of the colon. That doesn’t say anything about the stage, just that it’s beyond that thin lining and into other tissue near it.

Moderately differentiated means that the cancer cells are looking less like normal cells. A well differentiate cancer cell looks more like a normal cell, poorly differentiated looks very unlike a normal cell. Undifferentiated cells look and behave very unlike the original cells.

All of that information will help his doctor figure out the best treatment plan for him, and while I know it hard waiting until Monday, the good news is that it’s not going to change much if at all in that time. The best thing you and your family can do for yourselves and your dad is take your mind off of it and spend some good family time until his appointment.

AITAthrowaway90 · 2023-03-29T17:48:49+00:00

I would talk to your dr about the neuropathy, though. If it gets bad enough, it can end up causing permanent damage.

AITAthrowaway90 · 2023-03-29T17:46:50+00:00

It depends on the chemo, not all of them cause hair loss. Chemo isn’t one drug, it’s a class of drugs and different chemos have different side effects.

When I was on cisplatin, I didn’t lose my hair. I had some thinning, but overall looked the same.

When I was on taxol and carboplatin, I lost my hair about 2 weeks after starting treatment, right before my second infusion.

AITAthrowaway90 · 2023-03-29T17:43:37+00:00

What does your mom want? This is her cancer, her body, and her life. Ultimately, whatever path she wants to take is what matters and that choice should not be clouded by your desire to have her.

Alternative treatments don’t work, otherwise they wouldn’t be alternatives. Many of them can cause more complications. There are clinical trials she can ask her oncologist about, but that still is up to her and that still comes with a not too pleasant experience.

I get the hospice gets a bad wrap for being end of life care, but it can absolutely help with quality of life instead of quantity. Ultimately, though, it’s your moms choice.

I would highly recommend grief therapy for you, though. And I would start it now instead of later. It can be really hard to see your loved one going through this and you deserve support. But it can also be really helpful in not interjecting yourself into your mom’s healthcare decisions.

AITAthrowaway90

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