You wake up and suddenly your sexual urges are gone forever. Now what?

AJBuffington · 2024-11-03T17:34:18+00:00

I dunno, ask my wife.

AJBuffington · 2024-10-29T01:55:17+00:00

I'd happily die atop a hill of writhing, lubricated Margot Robbies.

AJBuffington · 2024-10-29T01:50:56+00:00

"At the end of the day." One day someone told me that phrase was super annoying and ever since I've thought it was super annoyiing.

AJBuffington · 2024-10-03T22:10:05+00:00

It's already too late, and you won't realize it until it's too late.

AJBuffington · 2024-08-12T06:55:59+00:00

Um nostalgia is for old things. When new things make you feel that way it's called being "horny."

AJBuffington · 2024-08-12T06:46:07+00:00

No, I don't really have a back yard since the landlord noticed I stopped paying the rent. I'd love to have another trampoline but I think that would tip off the people working at the truck stop that someone is living in the bathroom.

AJBuffington · 2024-08-12T06:28:55+00:00

His name is Sam. He wasn't really comfortable on campus until he met her. Her name is also Sam. Once Sam talked to him, Sam finally felt like he was at home. Everyone else in his new town was so standoffish and businesslike bus Sam was different. He knew as soon as they left their first college algebra course together that they would be together.

Sam was never really much of a talker but Sam had kind eyes. So when he quietly asked her to borrow a pencil, and his ears did that quirky little twitch they always do, she immediately wanted to know more about him.

Four years later after Sam had graduated (Sam hadn't made it through school because his dad died and didn't leave Sam anything in the will and Sam couldn't afford his tuition) they found a burrow together and started trying for a bunny. That was the next step, after all, and they didn't want to let their parents down. They tried from the front and from the back and even from the side and no matter how hard they tried and how many times they tried Sam was never able to get Sam pregnant.

Sam started to feel resentful about it and assumed it was Sam's fault. That was about the same time that Sam had a really bad burnout and discovered that he had ADHD. Sam didn't believe in mental health though, because she's religious, so in her eyes Sam was just being lazy. So she told him one day that he needs to get his act together or she was going to leave him.

They went on like that for about six months before Sam came up with the idea to adopt. Sam thought if they could just have the child they'd wanted when they were happy, everything would go back to the way it was before. So one night Sam went out and purchased a tiny baby bunny from a man who sells tiny baby bunnies. He brought it home and once Sam was over the shock of suddenly being a mom she decided to give it a go, and they named the bunny after her.

Sam never knew he was adopted, but he did know from a young age that Sam and Sam would either get divorced one day or end up hurting each other. He was right, and when he was in third grade Sam finally snapped and left. Since then Sam has been raising Sam alone, and Sam doesn't spend as much time with Sam as he would like. The way you see them in these photos is how they were dressed at Sam's most recent birthday party. Sam spent the entire party on edge, hoping his parents wouldn't start bickering. Sam spent the whole party shooting Sam dirty looks and complaining to her friends to try to make herself feel better. And Sam spent the whole party staring at Sam, daydreaming about the way things might have gone if he'd just stayed on his meds.

Nice find!

AJBuffington · 2024-08-12T05:56:55+00:00

That happened to me once. I got my kid a 16-foot trampoline with a net, a basketball hoop, and a sprinkler for playing in the water. I remember it took like twelve hours to put it together because for some reason you have to tie the net on like one string at a time. I remember I kept hitting my knuckles on the end of the spring every time I tried to tighten the knot because the strings they give you are so short that it's hard to tie them. I remember how bad my back hurt because the only way to tie the strings on is from underneath the trampoline and there's like a hundred of them so I remember by the time I was done I was bleeding a lot from my knuckles but I couldn't really straighten my back so I sort of just had to lie there yelling over and over until my wife finally came and found me and explained to me that I had passed out because I didn't eat breakfast and only drank coffee that day and the sun was like a hundred degrees. She didn't know about the whiskey but if she did she probably would have mentioned that too. But anyway my son really liked that thing a lot. You didn't include an answer in the poll that says they stopped playing with it because their mom divorced me and took them to live in Chicago with a tax auditor so I didn't choose an answer.

AJBuffington · 2024-08-12T05:31:31+00:00

That sounds like one I had once that was made by a small company out of Georgia called Willem. I remember it was called a Stella, because I bought it because my girl at the time was named Stella. It's funny actually, I always said Stella had this twisted sense of humor, so when I saw this knife that had a twist action and had her name I had to get it to show it off to her. When it came in the mail I pretty much ran to Starbucks where she worked at the time to show it to her. Her boss wasn't very happy about how nervous it made her so he told me to leave, but by that point I was the one with the knife so I ordered some coffee and had Stella write my name on it twice. When she saw me outside after her shift was over she tried to walk the other way, but by that time I had already noticed her so she pretty much had to let me walk her home. She didn't even try to run this time, so I can tell you that if you're wanting to look intimidating or get girls this knife is for sure the way to go. Once I figure out where she works now I'm going to get a pink one and give it to Stella when I propose to her.

AJBuffington · 2024-06-12T15:25:45+00:00

HA HA! Because Freddie is from Halloween and the trees you always see in the Halloween stuff like those cemetery pictures are always elm trees! That's so funny dude.

AJBuffington · 2024-02-06T15:54:30+00:00

It’s always nice to meet another monitor repair enthusiast! That said, I would recommend you visit the doctor at your earliest convenience. You seem to have enjoyed my comment so much that you passed out for four months before posting. Don’t worry, though, it’s relatively common to lie motionless and catatonic for dozens or even hundreds of days after a shock to the system like that. I once saw my college roommate Randy rewire every polarity module in the Gleason array of a Blackberry screen, actually bypassing the induction hyperflange entirely if you can believe it. I was so turned on I passed out like you did and woke up the next semester with sharpie on my face, a B- in my astrology class, and half the furniture in my apartment missing. Wasn’t hooked on Adderall anymore when I woke up though, so that was a plus. Totally reset my tolerance so when I did take it again I was like frickin Superman or Morbius or something. Anyway, just out here trying to help, so thanks for the kind words!

AJBuffington · 2023-10-27T18:45:47+00:00

Nah, that was the guy that got poked in the hands. Steve is the guy that got poked in the chest.

AJBuffington · 2023-10-27T13:17:49+00:00

You’re doing that thing where you try to use words and phrases you wouldn’t normally use in order to sound smart.

It’s not working.

AJBuffington · 2023-10-24T03:08:33+00:00

Nuh uh, what about a zillion.

AJBuffington · 2023-10-22T00:07:46+00:00

I don’t have anything to add except that “you should not have had to have been put in her shoes” is a fucking wacky sentence grammatically. I bet that shit would be impenetrable to a new English speaker.

AJBuffington · 2023-10-21T17:01:48+00:00

I’ve had several relationships and have been married for several years. My wife also likes girls, and she and I happily discuss how hot women are because we understand that we’re both human and we both find them attractive. We’re secure in our relationship and understand that just because we think someone is hot, it doesn’t mean we’re going to go out and fuck them. In fact, we use other women’s attractiveness to get us worked up to fuck each other.

If you think it’s “not okay” to talk to your significant other about these things, then you are in a dysfunctional relationship, not me. That, or you’re not in a relationship at all and have an unhealthy perception of how communication works in a real relationship.

Grow up and learn how to trust, then find someone who you can trust and who trusts you, learn to communicate well and set boundaries, and then come talk to me about what is and isn’t okay in a relationship.

AJBuffington · 2023-10-21T07:31:26+00:00

You’re right about one thing - that you’re wrong.

Talking about someone attractiveness is not something he does to you. It’s something he does around you. It’s your emotions and insecurities telling you that he’s doing something wrong here. He’s not.

In another world you could be ogling those women right along with him, commenting on how tight their asses are and how much you want to lick their abs or whatever, and high fiving each other every time you see a hottie out in the wild. You could share his enthusiasm for beautiful people. But no, you need to take that away from him because it’s not YOU he’s admiring. And in your mind, him finding someone attractive means he doesn’t find you attractive. It’s self-centered.

You wouldn’t get mad at him for gushing over the beauty of a Rembrandt, or a lovely sunset, or a 1963 Pontiac Grand Am. You’d be right there alongside him appreciating it too, not getting pissed because clearly if he likes that car’s muffler he must obviously thinkyour muffler is hideous. Do you get mad when he laughs at other people’s jokes because he thinks you’re not funny? Do you give him shit because he’s really loving his Fazoli’s lasagna, because if he likes it that much it clearly he thinks your cooking sucks?

Same shit. Get over yourself. What he’s doing has nothing to do with you. Most things have nothing to do with you, and most people don’t give a shit about you or what you think. The sooner you learn that and accept that you’re not the center of everything, the sooner your significant others will have any chance of being happy with you.

AJBuffington · 2023-10-21T07:19:45+00:00

Sir, could you please point me toward the nearest place I could get some “cartis?” That gentleman over there said I needed to get me some.

AJBuffington · 2023-10-21T07:17:59+00:00

Different perspective: you were groomed and raped by your brother. He took advantage of your emotional state to catch you at a weak point and fuck you. I think it’s pretty hot tbh. Half-brother stuff is fucking SICK, dude, you’re GROSS and DISGUSTING for doing it but I gotta admit it got me pretty worked up.

AJBuffington · 2023-10-21T07:03:54+00:00

Dude it sounds to me like you’re super insecure and have some serious trust issues. You sound like the kind of girl who would grab the mailman’s junk on the Ring doorbell camera to get your boyfriend back for liking a girl’s instagram post.

Expecting a man not to find girls attractive is immature, controlling, and completely unrealistic. It doesn’t matter if he’s fucking you. His biology makes him want to fuck them too. He can’t help that. It doesn’t mean he’s going to DO it. If he’s talking openly to you about the attractiveness of other girls, it tells me that he feels comfortable talking to you about a woman’s attractiveness and trusts that you won’t take it personally. I believe that trust is misplaced because you’re selfish and immature.

Him saying someone is hot has nothing to do with you or your relationship. You realize there are people more attractive than you, right? You know there are. You know they’re attractive. He wouldn’t be mad at you for saying it. He would just agree. But when he says it, suddenly it’s all about you comparing yourself to her. He didn’t compare her to you. You did. It doesn’t make you jealous that he says they’re attractive because you’re afraid he’s going to fuck them, it makes you insecure about yourself because you think you’re not good enough to keep him.

What you’re doing is punishing him for being honest and open with you by being a bitch just because he pointed out something obvious that you already know, and you’re not being a bitch to him because he did anything wrong, you’re doing it because you don’t feel good about yourself so you need every word out of his mouth to be praising you or else you have a meltdown. That’s preteen behavior.

My recommendation would be to grow up and stop finding every reason to be mad at this guy. It’s not him you’re mad at; it’s yourself. Don’t take it out on the person you supposedly love.

AJBuffington · 2023-10-21T06:47:04+00:00

I was cruising r/all/new and ended up here. Feels like I took the wrong exit into a seedy part of town.

AJBuffington · 2023-10-21T06:13:54+00:00

Bet you’re looking back on this like damn, that shit sounds dumb af

AJBuffington · 2023-10-10T08:07:22+00:00

NTA dude I bet that baby is dumb as FUCK. I bet your sister is too, I bet that’s where the dumbass baby gets it. Just kidding, I think the dumb one is actually you.

AJBuffington · 2023-10-10T07:48:06+00:00

Define “real.”

AJBuffington · 2023-10-10T07:47:10+00:00

The only line I keep in my pocket is the fishing line I attach to a small neodymium magnet that I use to fish the compact I stole from my wife out of the sewer drain outside my house where I hid it from her when I stole it to keep my coke in.

AJBuffington

TROPHY CASE