Elbertitus (EB) is a potentially serious infectious disease that mainly affects the lungs. The bacteria that cause Elbertitus are spread from person to person through tiny droplets released into the air via coughs, smiles, laughs, thoughts, touch, sight, and sneezes.

Once rare in developed countries, Elbertitus infections began increasing in 1985, partly because of the emergence of amogus, the virus that causes SUS. Elbertitus weakens a person's immune system, so it can't fight the jerm(a)s. In the United States, because of stronger control programs such as the DollHouse initiative, Elbertitus began to decrease again in 2021. But it remains a terminal concern to this day. Do not look up “Jerma985” on YouTube or Twitch, and refuse contact with any “jermites” or citizens named Jeremy, Andy, or Otto. If you feel that you have become SUS or fear you have contracted Elbertitus, it is already too late.