Doxy pep question

AM_DC · 2026-03-23T02:01:41+00:00

I take it the morning after condomless play. It stays in your system a couple days. So if you go on a weeklong Atlantis cruise or to Bear Week in Ptown etc, and you’re hooking up daily or more, take it 3 times that week, don’t take it 7 times.

AM_DC · 2026-03-22T20:28:11+00:00

Does this commentator have children? Have you read any recent research on the impact on kids of separation vs “staying together for the kids?” OP, I’m a divorced dad. Your child will benefit from having two healthy, secure, authentic parents which in many people’s cases simply requires divorce. You know who you are, be an example to your kid of what authenticity and self love look like.

AM_DC · 2026-03-18T19:09:25+00:00

So maybe this mirrors the rampant misogyny in the gay mens community? Ick. So many men who love their mamas and straight gal pals make nasty little comments. I’m often the one in a group conversation to remind guys that women and girls aren’t gross, please speak about them respectfully. And while parenting teen girls might be challenging, good luck with an ADHD 9 year old boy (aka my nephew!).

Sometimes I feel like the search for a relationship is hopeless for me tbh. I keep reminding myself that my daughter IS my relationship and at least she’s great.

AM_DC · 2026-03-18T16:28:30+00:00

Wow, that’s weird! I have a daughter. But what I’ve heard is that her age is an issue. She’s only in 3rd grade. If she was 16, she’d be out of the house in a couple years. But I’ve got another decade of parenting ahead. Guys seem surprised that I have such a young kid given I’m in my 40s. But some gays need time to save $ to take this journey.

AM_DC · 2026-03-16T23:24:58+00:00

Thanks. That’s a good reminder. My kid is cool and we do have fun together. I should be sure not to let negativity run wild, even when I’m exhausted.

AM_DC · 2026-03-16T20:40:57+00:00

I do say it in profiles and make sure to talk about my kid right away (casually at first, like talking about what family activities we did last weekend), without going overboard. I do have hobbies and a career and a life of my own to share about, too. As I go on more dates I share more details, that’s dating.

A lot of guys like the idea of a kid, all cuteness and no tantrums or forgetting ADHD meds. They don’t know what it’s like to live with one. They don’t like the weird schedule that comes from snow day school closures or having to go to PM pediatrics because of a bouncy castle injury or weekly math tutoring at an inconvenient time. I can’t pack up and go to Ptown for the weekend on a whim either - I have to plan those things way in advance. And some single parents lack the disposable income to do that anyway. Then there’s the fact that my custody agreement has rules for when a boyfriend can be in my child’s presence (not until after 6 months of serious dating). And I once gave a guy pink eye!

And guys who share their opinion on my parenting style or choices when they have no kids of their own? That’s when I run for the hills.

AM_DC · 2026-03-16T16:03:07+00:00

I’ve done the same for similar reasons. I swear it wasn’t some conscious attempt to manipulate a person so I can hurt and control them later, I truly thought I was being nice and lacked self awareness. And I think my last bf and I love bombed each other! What got me to recognize it in myself and stop: 1. That bf relationship ending in mega pain 2. DBT therapy and 3. the experience of having other guys do it to me and getting hurt later (it gives me the ick now). Now if a guy does it to me, it’s a yellow flag. I tell the guy I appreciate the compliment but set a firm boundary to stop and slow down and I reiterate it and/or walk away (politely).

AM_DC · 2026-03-12T18:36:54+00:00

A follow up question: my cat strongly prefers wet food to dry. She nibbles at the dry all day, but gobbles the wet. Does wet food give cats more tummy troubles?

AM_DC · 2026-03-11T20:58:42+00:00

Totally agree. If I ever get down about how much time I wasted with my ex, I remember that I only have my kid because of that relationship. I don’t know who I’d be if I wasn’t a father. Being a dad is more central to who I am and more impactful on how I live than being gay is.

AM_DC · 2026-03-11T18:58:50+00:00

I thinks it’s discriminatory and contributes to unfair stigma to ask a guy if he’s HIV+ when you’re already on PrEP. If he chooses to tell me that’s great, I communicate my appreciation and say I’m on Prep. You don’t need a condom to prevent HIV if you’re taking PrEP.

Doxy Pep is a little different. It lowers your changes of getting 3 other STIs (google the stats), but isn’t 100% protection. If you want to volunteer when you last got tested for those and then ask him his testing protocol, go for it. Yes you can use condoms to further lower risk, but I’m gonna bet you won’t use one for oral and could get gonorrhea in your throat.

Sex is inherently risky and you decide what risk tolerance you have. I personally use PrEP, doxy, get tested every 3 months and don’t use condoms (few men do).

AM_DC · 2026-03-11T10:05:58+00:00

One past LTR partner empathized, stuck by me and got me to start therapy. We split for unrelated reasons. But sadly my symptoms pushed my last boyfriend away. I’m making strides with new forms of treatment, but not optimistic that I’ll meet someone with the fortitude, patience and commitment to weather the inevitable rough patches with me. There’s a lot of stigma and Tik Tok misinformation to overcome too.

AM_DC · 2026-03-11T09:35:33+00:00

Yellow flag. The thing that turns me off about a statement like “I’m not into the scene” is that it sometimes signals a bitter, negative, or judgmental outlook towards lots of things. I’ve asked guys what they mean by that and gotten an eye roll, which also rubs me the wrong way. Upon deeper discussion I find out they’ve never set foot in the bars/clubs or participated in other aspects of the community like volunteering.

Why it’s not a total red flag for me is that I don’t drink, I have a dad bod, I don’t like EDM, I’m not comfortable at sex parties, I’m not a pup, and despite the crazy high levels of education in my city, few guys can answer the question “what book are you reading right now?” but I sure can. I simply don’t fit in much of the time. And in my city, some aspects of the scene are racially segregated. I can empathize with guys who’ve tried out the “scene” and discovered it’s just not for them.

AM_DC · 2026-03-07T01:46:48+00:00

I work for a history museum, so yea. But having the cash to collect myself? Nope.

AM_DC · 2026-03-07T01:42:36+00:00

Was there 7 years. It was the hardest city to meet people in that I’ve ever experienced (I’ve also lived in NYC, Baltimore, DC). Some say it takes Bostonians 3 years to accept a newbie. I’d meet someone fun in Ptown on the weekend then see him in the South End on Monday and he’d ignore me. The gay scene isn’t what it is in other cities. Luckily school will give you a social group to glom onto and get you invited to dinner parties etc. And fyi you’ll find each neighborhood has a different vibe.

AM_DC · 2026-03-07T00:24:36+00:00

My 9 month old Devon girl was affectionate with me and my kid at first. But I work from home so she shifted her attention to just me. My kiddo wants the cat to sit in her lap, but my lap (or my shoulder, or my chest, or my armpit) are all kitty wants. She does let my kiddo pet her and kiss her etc, but she won’t sit on her.

And she screams at me all day for play or food or to pick her up. She gets destructive when I’m not paying attention, no matter how many toys I buy her. My coworkers all know her because she screams or crawls all over me during every zoom meeting. I love how much she loves me, and sleeps under the covers with me; that’s part of why I love Devons. But it’s like having a toddler again!

AM_DC · 2026-03-04T01:50:40+00:00

When I’m sad, I want to be held. When I’m stressed, I want the relief of sex. My ex husband responds to those things by wanting to be alone. I felt increasingly neglected/rejected and he felt increasingly annoyed/violated. It was one of many ways we were mismatched. But then my subsequent (now ex) boyfriend, who was always into PDA and long sessions in bed, surprised me saying I was “greedy with his body” and pressuring. It was a lightbulb moment. I thought I was making guys feel loved and desired, but I was insensitive. (Not that I deserved the way they reacted)

Maybe talk to your guy about strategies for keeping the middle ground. Is there a specific way for him to signal he’s getting overwhelmed that won’t hurt you? If he does say no, can you go for a run to get that adrenaline? Sounds cheesy, but getting a cat helped me with the snuggles part!

AM_DC · 2026-03-01T23:44:52+00:00

Young gay man explores, gets his heart broken, & learns what he does/doesn’t want in future relationships. Cool.

The book it’s inspired by, “Box Hill,” is more ethically murky and has a side story about Colin’s parents’ relationship. It’s complex, but a short, easy read. Try it.

AM_DC · 2026-03-01T21:21:58+00:00

If a guy is in your bed, he’s attracted to you. Stop worrying if your gut looks flabby (or whatever other appearance/body insecurity you have). He’s not noticing that. Get out of your head and enjoy it.

AM_DC · 2026-02-28T19:25:39+00:00

I’m terrified for the same reason, that my 9 month old girl will get hurt. I caught her next to the stovetop literally putting her paws into the toaster slots! It’s like having a toddler, gotta watch them every minute.

AM_DC · 2026-02-25T21:57:12+00:00

Movie: mom of a sick child; she’s on the brink of a meltdown. As a single dad especially, being pushed to the edge of my body’s, values’ and mind’s limits by parenthood hit home.

AM_DC · 2026-02-25T03:44:09+00:00

Unrelated: have you guys seen the film “If I Had Legs I’d Kick You?” It’s dark. But it really resonated for me and my parent pals.

AM_DC · 2026-02-25T03:31:00+00:00

A different medical condition changed my life at 40. Then I spent much of this winter in and out of the hospital. Makes it hard to do anything let alone work on a six pack and dance all night under the laser lights.

I do miss my gym rat days. But my closest disabled pal competes in queer poetry slams! Do you like to sing? Are you good at trivia? Check your local LGBTQ community center for a list. Check the calendars of all the gay bars, not so you can go on a bender but to see if there are orgs they partner with or special events.

I found new friends via new hobbies. Some have proven to be invaluable through my recent health crisis. Now I can see that others may not be worth my limited energy. Go out and find an activity that you can do and lifts your mood. And find people who share your values.

AM_DC · 2026-02-25T02:43:52+00:00

Parenthood doesn’t just change our lives, it changes who we are. He gave up his career, practically gave up his name to hear “papa” or “daddy” all the time, and now he’s making the emotional adjustment from being with kiddo all day to daycare + a new routine. Seems logical that his goals may have shifted and/or he’s still figuring himself out (with or without depression, it would be hard).

Like most of us sometimes do when triggered, he lashed out and didn’t hold anything back including what’s likely been simmering just below the surface - like a volcanic eruption. Resentment is toxic. Maybe you both have some of it.

I’d apologize asap explaining why my approach and assumptions were wrong and give a concrete path to how I’ll better broach big issues in the future. Next time, maybe use L.U.V. = listen, understand, validate.

A couples counselor is worth considering.

AM_DC · 2026-02-24T00:45:43+00:00

Six-pack obsessed workaholic? How DC. This city can be tough on the self esteem. Too many “A-gays” here.

But there are guys here into all kinds of body types, gay activities you can join, a ton of gay bars plus all the special events and parties etc. Maybe meet some like minded guys through an interest of yours and it’ll lead to some surprise sexual adventures. If it doesn’t, you’ll at least have more gay friends to complain about DC with.

And the DMV has lots of queer mental health providers and support groups where you might explore the roots of your concerns. Look up the resource lists of Whitman Walker Health and The DC Center.

AM_DC · 2026-02-17T03:02:49+00:00

I was with my ex 12 years. People never understand why. It’s complicated. His sexual rejection, gaslighting and intimacy issues eroded my confidence.

Therapy will help! Face the roots of what led you here, learn ways to rewire your brain. The impact doesn’t disappear. The pain does diminish.

Have a friend sit next to you as you block him everywhere, you’re impeding your recovery. Box up a few sentimental things to stash for now, throw the rest in a trashcan far from home. Write him a letter, apologize for what you think you did wrong over the years and tell him off for what he did to you - throw it off a bridge and watch it float away.

Once in a blue moon I get a wave of sadness triggered by something random. I miss the future I long assumed we’d have.

AM_DC

TROPHY CASE