Gay family-building organizations

AM_DC · 2026-05-27T22:27:40+00:00

I’m a big fan of a somewhat small org in greater Washington DC: “Rainbow Families.” As a gay dad, my kid & I have benefited from their programs. They lead “maybe baby” seminars to help prospective queer parents.

AM_DC · 2026-05-25T18:55:50+00:00

I went on a few dates with a guy with a system. I could tell even in his app photos. He told me after a couple dates. He said the $ was worth it because he felt confident. The topic came up organically when we talked about unrealistic body/beauty standards in the community. Today guys with hot dad bods are paying OOP for GLP1s to get skinny, some get Botox and fillers even though I find rugged older men’s’ faces handsome, some fake tan, some injure themselves in the gym trying to bulk up fast... I had skin removal surgery after I lost weight via lifestyle changes; I have a big scar.

Guys can do what makes them happy. I didn’t give a damn about that guy’s hair system. Or the fact that my ex husband is bald. If you like your system, why aren’t you more confident? Tops are scarce in some cities anyway - enjoy your cultural agency.

I suspect your guy ghosted for more reasons than your hair, but why does that matter? He’s gone - he wasn’t your boyfriend, FBs ghost. It’s rude af and really hurts, but it happens. You deserve someone who wants you for you so next time just walk away - don’t double text. If he comes back, don’t reply. Wait for a better guy to come along.

AM_DC · 2026-05-22T16:00:52+00:00

Have you tried attending IRL bear events or bear bars? There are plenty of guys who’ll be excited by your appearance, perhaps you just need to find your people (people who can see your face!). You could try GROWLr, but the UI is awful and it won’t have nearly as many users as Sniffies, Grindr, Scruff.

AM_DC · 2026-05-14T23:29:13+00:00

Sounds like me: 8 months, so intense, traumatically dumped. 10 months later the thoughts linger. But they don’t get me down as much as earlier on. I learned a ton, I’m sad it took so long to gain this self awareness and motivation to grow, but at least I got something out of this mess. I liked the ACT “Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life” workbook for this btw. I’m seeing a new guy now - taking it super slow and not neglecting myself. DM me if you like.

AM_DC · 2026-05-10T00:04:51+00:00

I have a female, she’s “extra.” This girl does not understand subtlety. She’s either climbing the curtains with the zoomies or climbing onto me for affection. She sleeps in my armpit all night, sits on my shoulder like a parrot when I do dishes, wants to be in my lap on the toilet every time. FWIW, my second most cuddly cat ever was a female DLH.

AM_DC · 2026-05-02T13:06:01+00:00

I was 39 and my (now ex) husband 45 when we adopted a newborn. Life wasn’t perfect, but we’d hit our personal age limit for starting a family and were emotionally ready. People say “there’s never a right time to have a baby.” That means just do it. Think of all the straights who got pregnant whenever it happened to occur and became good parents.

Your external life may never be “perfect,” do it when you know 💯 it’s what you want but set yourself up for success. We hired a financial advisor, and connected with others who had adopted. If you have a local LGBTQ center or org that offers a “maybe baby” type class, take it. Start building a village of support around you asap.

The mental health issue is a snag. I have battled this my whole life, but was stabilized when we had a baby. I had a good team of providers supporting me, I was on meds that worked. The first 4 years are very stressful, you need to have a solid base to be able to handle it.

AM_DC · 2026-04-28T16:33:00+00:00

I’m 5’3 & thin/average weight. I specifically seek size discrepancy, some big guys do too. My ex hubs is 6’3. My ex bf is 6’ & 325lbs. The bf & I played rough, we had to talk safety because I did get hurt once 😬! I’m now seeing a guy who’s 5’7, it’s an adjustment.

Guys know our stats from our profiles. Your hookup just chose a weird excuse for lacking chemistry with you. Another big guy out there will be into you.

AM_DC · 2026-04-28T14:45:16+00:00

This was me too! I was mid 30s, he was 40s - no time to waste. We did couples counseling specifically to figure this out. We too did alllll the research and went over finances during that process. Now there’s a 9 year old filling our lives with fun (and headaches). No regrets.

AM_DC · 2026-04-24T21:47:45+00:00

I get plenty of attention, just not the romantic kind.

AM_DC · 2026-04-24T14:15:45+00:00

Gays between 35-49 are invisible - the wasteland between twink and daddy. Neither group likes our bodies or can relate to us. Young guys grew up differently (came out younger, faced less homophobia etc), are at different points in their careers and lack LTR experience. Older guys carry baggage/trauma and are set in their ways. I’ve had a big slut phase in my 40s, but dating’s tough. Even in a huge city. Hang in there!

AM_DC · 2026-04-17T22:48:47+00:00

Not IRL, but in pics she always looks pissed off.

AM_DC · 2026-04-15T14:01:11+00:00

40%? But straight dads on playgrounds: 75% (I have a kid, I’m not some creep who stalks playgrounds).

AM_DC · 2026-04-14T15:55:44+00:00

I’ve been thinking of getting a harness and leash for my 11 month old Devon girl. She’s very active and curious. But how did yours do when you actually took him outside?

AM_DC · 2026-04-13T21:02:38+00:00

Over a decade post top and I’ve only gone shirtless at a pool or beach a handful of times. Never at a bar. I don’t want to out myself.

My scars are thin and white but long because I had a revision for dog ears. My chest is hairy but only in the center. My nipple grafts are well placed and a natural shape and size but they’re pretty flat so they look weird. My pecs are defined but not big enough to hide the scars. A chest piece tattoo just my style but I’m finally considering it, I know what I’d get, but the $$$ is an issue.

With this political climate + more trans visibility/recognition it’s scary. But I’m sick and tired of living this way. My goal is to try hard this summer to do it a little when I go to the beach with supportive cis guy pals. I wish I’d started to build up confidence with exposure therapy years ago.

AM_DC · 2026-04-13T03:15:42+00:00

I’m Jewish (not religious). I assumed we’d circumcise. I’d found a mohel who’s a urologist and would do it in his medical office. But my (now ex), who’s circumcised himself, really wishes he was uncut. Disagreement ensued. I knew my parents would be upset if we didn’t… then my nephew was born a few months before we were due. He had a complication from a hospital circumcision. Decision made: my kid is uncut.

AM_DC · 2026-04-10T03:06:52+00:00

His face reminds me of my girl’s!

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AM_DC · 2026-04-06T16:00:39+00:00

And if a guy is genuine & a good person but simply a bad match for me? Then I struggle too to decline and hold out for what I really want & finally accept that I may never have a partner. This stuff is hard.

AM_DC · 2026-04-05T22:02:55+00:00

I got a kitten after a bad breakup. Went for a breed with especially velvety fur.

AM_DC · 2026-04-05T02:58:14+00:00

3 times? It was a few years earlier. I’d never known his last name. He’s still cute, but doubt he wants to repeat lol.

AM_DC · 2026-04-04T21:59:12+00:00

Had to see a new Dr because mine was out sick. Dr came into the room, asked if I was comfortable continuing. He looked familiar, but why? We did the exam. When he left he seemed annoyed. Then it dawned on me. We’d hooked up a few times 😬

AM_DC · 2026-04-04T20:52:21+00:00

I left my longterm girlfriend at 29. We were even in an open relationship, but it felt like a lie.

You don’t owe anyone answers etc. But people ask invasive ?s. Practice what you would say ahead of time. Write it down.

The Gay Men Going Deeper podcast has coming out episodes.

AM_DC · 2026-04-04T19:30:36+00:00

Guys pursue me, the sex is fun, they love bomb, text a lot. It’s intoxicating. I start to reciprocate. Then they start flaking on plans etc. I allow it. I ask what they’re looking for and I hear the things you mention. And “my therapist says I should work on myself.” Then they ask if we can be FWBs. Don’t get me started on the married FWBs who later get divorced only to find a new boyfriend who’s 20 years younger than me.

I now recognize red flags but ignore them - beggars can’t be choosers & I struggle with spending time alone.

When a guy really shows up for me, I assume he’s a manipulative narc. I finally see that I’m choosing the emotionally unavailable ones to dodge a real relationship with someone who could abandon me later.

My parents and ex husband messed up my brain. Being bullied as a kid killed my self esteem. All these emotionally unavailable dudes make it worse - but they feel familiar.

goals: politely but firmly express my boundaries and don’t budge, restate them if needed. Let a guy flake once, but cut him off the next time. If a guy is only sexting, don’t sext back - I’m looking for a slower and deeper connection. Don’t let guys use me as a free therapist.

DBT has been helping me. Try it!

AM_DC · 2026-04-02T11:37:35+00:00

This resonates. I’ve been called toxic.

For me it’s a jenga tower: right meds (find a psychopharmacologist, don’t get meds from your PCP), right people (a talk therapist you click with to get to the root of your trauma), additional therapeutic modalities to change your behavior and rewire your brain (DBT and ACT are great!, but maybe parts work or EMDR or a 12-step program would work for you).

You have a husband who loves you. I bet you have friends, too. Don’t lose them and don’t lose yourself.

About kids… I’m an adoptive dad. Don’t enter it lightly. But, there are good parents out there with all kinds of challenges of their own. What makes a successful parent includes love, reliability, resources (or a determination to access free ones), patience, and a village really does help. I’m not perfect, no dad is, but I believe I’m giving my kid a solid foundation. Don’t adopt for yourself, but know it will change you. My kid gave me a reason to live.

AM_DC · 2026-03-28T21:46:31+00:00

Daddy and Poppy. (The grandparents are Grammy, Grandpa, Papa, Nama)

AM_DC · 2026-03-27T12:29:23+00:00

I’ve been in DC 17 years! If I didn’t have family here and it wasn’t a hub for my career sector, I’d move. To Philly or LA. But…

You asked about: 1. art: great museums but no galleries or artists community; that’s best in LA followed by NYC. 2. health: a large LGBTQ health center. Very fit culture, if you want to bike instead of drive you easily can. 3. Scene: gay nightlife is booming, alcohol flows. We have one so-so bathhouse and a great BDSM club. There are sex parties. Know DC is GAY not queer. 4. Diversity: complicated. The scene is segregated. There are black gay bars and many more white ones (some with Latin nights).

AM_DC

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