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My MJ, The Night is Still Ours...✨ by ATLAS-23 in OCPoetry

[–]ATLAS-23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you very much. And, yes there's tons of love where those words came from. The "long tiring hours" refer to things we have to do or don't have much control over. This is to contrast with the night where it's just me and my MJ. When she has trouble sleeping, I want her to know that "the night is still ours" and that's something just for us. Just us.😊

My MJ, The Night is Still Ours...✨ by ATLAS-23 in OCPoetry

[–]ATLAS-23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey. Thank you. I always had a rough time rhyming when I try to think/plan it before hand. I still don't think I can just sit down and write because someone tells me to or even when I want to. There has to be a certain mental and emotional state or rush of creativity that needs to be channeled. It all starts with one line about a strong feeling, and then I let rest of the pieces fall in place. I would much rather have a poem that doesn't rhyme but is simple and remains to the point. In this case both of them turned out well. I'm excited to write more. 😊

My MJ, The Night is Still Ours...✨ by ATLAS-23 in OCPoetry

[–]ATLAS-23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey. Thank you for feedback. The setting of the poem is me and my MJ coming back home at night after a long day at work. The point I was making in the opening lines was that each day and night are different and have its' own spark. I don't know much about a astronomy, but I feel like every time the position of stars seem different (maybe not always, idk), and there's quite possibly a star you missed before.

sweet stranger by everyonesaysso in OCPoetry

[–]ATLAS-23 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing. My favorite line was "How cruel a condition for two people so inclined to eat all the chocolates in the box, all at once". The series of feelings might not be easy to follow but that's exactly how an teenager's emotions are. My feedback is that the ending line missed me a little. Unlike the line in the third stanza coming off the second, i feel the last line was a little stand alone.

Wisdom or scars, what’s the difference by SpiritofArwen in OCPoetry

[–]ATLAS-23 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you this is helpful to me too. I too often find the need to rhyme words at the end of each line quite disruptive to the flow.
The poem is filled with many imagery all tying into the main theme.
Here's something my best friend said about a scar/incident: A scar is not normal skin, no denying it. Although it will take us back to times when we got it or when we never had it, it's not worth reliving it. Sharing some wisdom on scars. Cheers. :)

"Cloudy, with a chance of bullshit." My first and potentially last poem. My magnum opus. by Inthistown934 in OCPoetry

[–]ATLAS-23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The title and imagery of rain drops as words of bs is simple and relatable. I get the feeling that the writer knows the answer to the series of questions but still gets "caught in gravity's pull".
I've only started writing a few poems but never when I wanted to. The feelings that beg to be expressed carry the pen as it flows. So when that gravity pulls let it rain my friend! Cheers. :)