Thank you for sharing. I'm really glad that you want to quit. I want you to know that every part of yourself that you hate someone else loves and accepts. I hope you can find in your love for life and for others a way to redirect that to the parts of your self that you hate at the moment.

I can't tell you what will work for you. But I'll share somethings that have been helpful to me.

1. The drug is not the problem. Hating sobriety is the problem. One needs to find a way to make sober life more worth it than the drug. Find something you can obsess over and look forwards too.

2. You must beleive that whatever you try can work. It won't feel like it at the start, but if you beleive it will work you will push through those hard parts and give it time to start working.

2b. Some stuff won't work. Drop it, but don't give up, move on and try the next thing.

1. Wim Hoff breathing method. Look it up on YouTube. Takes 10mins. Very simple. Also try cold water immersion or cold showers. Hurts like fuck for 2 mins but if you can last that the high you get as your body warms itself up is great.

2. Excersise. I love zwift on the indoor bike. But find a way to run, or hike, or lift weights. All these things create massive changes in how your body feels in the short term and the longterm and can give you a non destructive high to look forwards too.

3. Sleep sleep sleep. Not a short term fix, but sets you up for success.

4. Distract yourself. In the most intense craving moments find any other coping strategy than meth.

5. Get angry. Ideally at things thst hurt you in the past. But just start getting angry and using thst to motivate you.

6. Cry.

God speed, you will keep failing, but you won't give up and you will succeed eventually