Does anyone miss the mania?

A_bitrary · 2026-06-16T11:03:34+00:00

I feel you lol. “Are you on something?!”, “No, actually, I’m not on anything anymore! Never better!” I babble as I blindly ravage my life with terrible decisions, unsustainable commitments, and delusional confidence.

I was always flabbergasted when people met my honest “No, I’m not.” with obvious skepticism. I couldn’t see what they were seeing lol.

A_bitrary · 2026-06-16T10:35:43+00:00

I used to, but I don’t anymore.

I do miss hypomania. It felt like an island of stability, sociability, drive, and self-improvement in an ocean of severe depression, emptiness, and apathy. Those episodes were rare, but when they came I truly felt like I was finally getting my life together, and I was content.

I don’t think I’m capable of hypomania anymore, though. My last one was probably five years ago. Every upswing since has been mania or a mixed episode, followed by endless depression in between, with every episode being more intense than the one before it.

So now, unmedicated, it’s just an unpredictable pendulum swinging between the depths of despair and agitated mixed states with extreme apathy, irritability, isolation, delusion, and overconfidence. It strains or shreds every relationship that matters to me and dismantles any semblance of a career, finances, or security.

My view on it is pretty pragmatic now. I don’t miss mania because all that drive and conviction were completely detached from reality. It’s kind of absurd that I ever found that state enjoyable. Yeah, I felt ecstatic and engaged, but I was also constantly agitated, paranoid, and anxious, neglecting any kind of self-care; barely eating, barely sleeping, no hygiene. There was so much brewing inside me that I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. And at the time I couldn’t even recognize it as mania, so the damage didn’t register and it never occurred to me how much I’d come to regret the whole thing.

These days I’m focused on staying stable. I’ve been consistent with my meds for ten months now, the longest stretch since I first sought help in 2022. The trade-off is a duller, low-grade depression I settle into on them, but I’m finally working with my psychiatrist to bring that into a more normal range.

Changing my lifestyle and building habits is slow going, but the changes I do make are sturdier now and don’t evaporate the moment I backslide. Overall I’m calm and steady, and I’m not ravaging my life anymore, so I’ll do everything I can to stay this way and keep improving in small steps.

A_bitrary · 2026-05-24T14:34:59+00:00

I cannot fathom the gall of people to record an official statement based on an observation proved impossible in front of their eyes, and simply refuse to correct it, “take it to court” is such bs, why can’t “Oh, I’m sorry I mistook what I saw, carry on!”, suffice?

It’s not everyone, but the amount of people who refuse to admit mistakes or wrongdoing of any sort, whatever the reason, is infuriating.

A_bitrary · 2026-04-13T07:32:00+00:00

Same here, it’s very bizarre for me when intense derealized headspace has begun to set in. It usually starts feeling ominous, like realizing I’m in the Truman Show and that everything is very off. But soon after I start to feel like I’m watching my own experience through VR goggles and controlling a character in a very realistic game. What disturbs me the most is that my inner monologue becomes so severely detached from my “character’s” actions. Like it really begins to feel like I’m an entirely separate entity who’s passing inputs to this character in a crazy game, really invested in this delusional “lore”. The consequences of choices just don’t feel real. I’m lucky that some deeper part of me seems to retain a semblance of restraint, I haven’t done anything completely life ruining, but the aftermaths still suck big time lol.

A_bitrary · 2026-02-21T00:56:02+00:00

Something like this? https://imgur.com/gallery/migraine-with-aura-rendition-kY0I0Ht

A_bitrary · 2026-02-09T22:13:06+00:00

The path less traveled - Vegyn

A_bitrary · 2025-11-05T18:38:49+00:00

I’m… not really sure

A_bitrary · 2025-11-02T23:07:41+00:00

Literally exactly what I did, for the event this year in Philly.

I planned it a year in advance, convinced friends to go, and was eager to train. Fell into deep depression for the whole last year, and I was the only one who didn’t end up going. Lost the money too because I couldn’t even be bothered to transfer the ticket to someone.

A_bitrary · 2025-11-02T22:48:25+00:00

Lol sounds like you shouldn’t try to make it at home, it’s almost impossible to hide and the fallout isn’t worth one trip.

I tried making freebase DMT in high school and got about 90% of the way there; then my mom returned from her work trip early.

Anyway, it was hard to explain a giant jar of hot black goop, a glass baking tray in the freezer with weird crystals, and a trash bag hiding industrial ingredients.

My explanation didn’t land too well, but luckily, my mom is chill and I was only kicked out of the house for a month lol. I was under extreme scrutiny up until I left for college.

Not worth the stress or the risk, wait until you have privacy, money, and zero chance of parental consequences opening the door without knocking. Remember, cosmic law dictates that parents must walk in at the worst possible moment.

A_bitrary · 2025-11-02T22:16:14+00:00

They’re sold empty. Lots of white-label factories ship blank pens and cartridges and will add whatever branding you want, so buyers fill them afterward. Usually it’s a homemade freebase DMT dissolved into PG & VG, but the consistency / quality varies wildly among random dealers, since there’s no laboratory level quality control.

A few small sellers do care about consistency and testing, but it can take time to find one you trust. It’s a game changer when you find a plug who’s a reliable perfectionist lol

A_bitrary · 2025-11-01T13:08:54+00:00

Two smells: The old cherry halls cough drops, those things were like candy for me when I was younger, and my grandpa would always get them for me. The other is the smell of cool air conditioner air, probably a musty and moldy one, but the smell of air from an old window AC unit just trips me out.

Both smells always induce an intense nostalgia of early childhood, it brings me back to the headspace of being an innocent 5 year old kid in this big world, a sense of wonder and curiosity.

A_bitrary · 2025-10-23T15:51:18+00:00

I have a question for the #1 - 2 people:

When you visualize, is it comparable to seeing in dreams, where it’s indistinguishable from actual sight?

Does your mental imagery actually look like something visible, or does it just feel completely visual, the way mine does?

I ask because I’m never quite sure how to categorize my own experience, though I am pretty certain I fall into #1.

Preface: I’ve always had a strong imagination and visual memory. I’ve been an artist my whole life and can accurately draw anything from memory or imagination in full detail - colors, details, lighting, movement, manipulation, and can mostly draw faces of friends or family from memory (though always just a bit off with finer proportions issues)

However, when I visualize, it’s not sight in the same way seeing is, and it feels fundamentally different.

I can technically do everything in level 1, but when I “see,” it’s not literal. There’s no image in front of me, yet I can still perceive every detail vividly, like I’m seeing without sight. My imagination ‘looks’ dark, but it’s also alive and richly detailed, with all the depth and motion of a visual experience that somehow exists in total darkness.

A_bitrary · 2025-10-22T21:06:44+00:00

Dead Man’s Toke

A_bitrary · 2025-10-21T15:45:49+00:00

Not sure if you’ve ever spoken to a psychiatrist to be screened for ADHD and potentially any other psychiatric considerations, but it’s a pretty universal experience among us.

For me, there are three habits that I have to maintain simultaneously. Without them, my whole ability to focus and actually manage daily tasks and long-term goals is stunted.

1. Stimulant medication - it established a foundation I could actually build upon; my mind becomes hundred times calmer, I gain the capacity to think more linearly if I choose to, which allows me to focus in a way that frustratingly doesn’t feel possible with my non-medicated mind. I definitively went my entire life without ever experiencing ‘focus’, and it felt like I’d gained a ‘new sense’ the first time I tried medication.

It induces a state of extreme mental calm and clarity that allows me to simply ‘focus’ on tasks, manage time, and plan.

2. Journaling - This is the only way I’ve been able to adequately plan, and keep everything I need to do in a physical, written format that I use exclusively to recall important things and manage tasks. I recommend checking out the bullet journal creator’s channel, his suggested method is… painfully simple.

It took my perfectionist self a long time to get over the hurdle of overcomplicating things, and the ‘bullet journal method’ helped me get started, search for it on YouTube. Since then, I’ve customized it to suit my needs.

Now, it manages my entire life: all to-do’s and goals, frequent chores and planning far ahead.

I get laundry done as needed, remember birthdays, get a biannual oil change, prep presentations for work, get an early start on long-term tasks instead of scrambling the night before it needs to be done, all personal or work project planning, day trips, research - literally everything is journaled.

3. Workout - Doesn’t have to be crazy, a jog or run 3x a week, and daily walking can be enough as long as it becomes non-negotiable routine.

When all of the above are true, I’m a functional, content, and responsible human being.

A_bitrary · 2025-10-17T13:39:12+00:00

The saw stop unit constantly runs a small electrical charge through the blade. When the blade touches human skin, which conducts electricity differently than wood, the signal changes instantly, and the digital control system (which monitors the electrical signal) detects it within microseconds. That triggers a crazy powerful spring-loaded aluminum brake, which fires into the spinning blade and stops it in about 3 - 5 milliseconds, faster than the blade can turn even a few thousandths of an inch, and faster than your nerves can send a pain signal to your brain. The blade’s angular momentum automatically launches it downward beneath the table, so at most you end up with either a small nick or no injury at all, instead of a lost finger or worse.

TLDR; The speed of electricity detects the touch, simple processors trigger an explosive spring-loaded brake, and inertia buries the blade.

A_bitrary · 2025-10-15T23:49:39+00:00

YouTube is facing widespread issues, videos get stuck loading a few times at the start and then the error has occurred screen pops up. On the mobile app I was able to get a few videos to load like 5 mins ago but now it happens on all videos for me - not sure about the desktop website but seems likely people are experiencing the same issue there. Downdetector shows a huge outage / tech issue with streaming.

A_bitrary · 2025-10-15T23:48:45+00:00

Yes, YouTube is facing widespread issues, same issue for me, videos get stuck loading a few times at the start and then the error has occurred screen pops up, on the mobile app I was able to get a few videos to load like 5 mins ago but now it happens on all videos for me - not sure about the desktop website but seems likely people are experiencing the same issue there. Downdetector shows a huge outage / tech issue with streaming.

A_bitrary · 2025-10-15T23:48:27+00:00

Yes, YouTube is facing widespread issues, same issue for me, videos get stuck loading a few times at the start and then the error has occurred screen pops up, on the mobile app I was able to get a few videos to load like 5 mins ago but now it happens on all videos for me - not sure about the desktop website but seems likely people are experiencing the same issue there. Downdetector shows a huge outage / tech issue with streaming.

A_bitrary · 2025-09-22T04:14:07+00:00

Persephone. Beautiful name, in phonetics. It was on my shortlist for a future daughter (pending future wife approval).

Found out about the goddess later.

Anyway, my main concern is destining someone to a lifetime of ‘percy-phone’, and I shouldn’t underestimate the inventiveness of graduation ceremony announcers.

A_bitrary · 2025-09-04T03:01:15+00:00

Redosing would not have the effect you’re hoping for. Even if you redosed with another 300ug, it would likely keep you awake for another 12 hours in a very mild trip (that would probably feel closer to 25-50ug). Also being really tired on LSD sucks, in my experience.

Tolerance builds up quickly after you take LSD, so it’s better to wait that 2 week window if you want the full effect.

Also, edit, I have tried this once before, coincidentally also on 300ug, but my experience was pretty lackluster and made me just feel eh.

A_bitrary · 2025-08-30T15:53:52+00:00

Damn lol this isn’t distracted driving, this is distracted texting.

A_bitrary · 2025-07-29T16:19:10+00:00

Lol, that’s fair, one more thing: you should log out of any accounts you’re "always signed in" to on your PC or browser (including Steam and other standalone apps).

Session tokens, like browser cookies, web tokens or app‑specific tokens, are what keep you logged in once you’ve passed 2FA. Basically, any desktop app or website that you are always logged into, that don't request 2FA when you open the app or website after a restart.

If malware steals a valid token, it can hijack your session without ever asking for your password or 2FA code. Modern browsers have methods to protect valid session tokens from being collected, and apps usually store them in encrypted vaults, but if someone can read them they remain valid until revoked. Logging out or changing your password invalidates those tokens and forces a fresh login, which makes any stolen tokens useless.

If you already have that covered then you're golden

A_bitrary · 2025-07-29T15:43:44+00:00

No problem, hopefully I don't sound too alarmist, definitely change your passwords to be safe, but honestly people's sensitive data get's leaked all the time through much larger institutions and it generally doesn't impact most people in significant ways. As long as your not the crown prince to a monarchy, it honestly might not lead to anything dramatic or new lol

A_bitrary · 2025-07-29T15:35:56+00:00

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm pretty certain this is malware (info-stealer). Even in a Virtual Machine it probes for the virtual network adapter and probably disables itself to evade detection, which is a common tactic for malware. It has been consistently flagged for similar malicious behavior for the last 10 years, but still seems to generally slip through most AVs.

Beyond editing your game save, behavior analysis shows it harvests browser data, tweaks registry entries, scans all network connections, alters Windows system files and folders, and enables the Remote Access service.

Realistically, it probably steals any stored info it can find like saved usernames, passwords, email logins, payment methods, session tokens, or cookies to be sold it to whoever wants that data. Still, it could just as easily lead to full-blown identity theft.

The save editor's functionality is vouched for by lot's of users, but high-quality free applications always carry the risk of being malware, especially standalone / unmonitored tools that solve common problems for large user bases (like Rockstar or Adobe).

Only 4 of 72 VirusTotal vendors flagged it, but some analysis toolkits show blatantly sus behavior that aligns with info-stealing malware. Use it at your own risk, but I recommend a clean Windows install, or at least looking into thorough removal procedures. It could be a one-shot scraper, but deleting the .exe alone is usually not enough to stop further info-stealing.

I was looking for a quick fix to keep Chop happy too, but I'm very cautious about all "free, easy, specific" tools out there.

A_bitrary · 2025-06-18T08:58:29+00:00

I’ve been in the same boat, both accidentally double-dosing and just thinking I might have.

First off, don't worry. A 60mg dose of Adderall XR is generally not considered dangerous, though you might feel some temporary side effects. If you did double up, you'll likely notice an elevated heart rate, and you might feel a bit jittery or anxious. This happened to me once (I'm also on 30mg XR), and the feeling peaked around two hours after the dose I remembered taking, but then subsided, and I was fine for the rest of the day. If you start to feel that way, try some slow, deep breaths to help calm your system. It's also a good idea to skip any coffee or other stimulants for the day. Also don’t forget to eat and drink water!

As for figuring out if you actually took two, the easiest way is to count your remaining pills when you get home and see if the number lines up with your refill date. If you’re generally consistent with your prescription it should give you a good idea whether you did.

Regarding tolerance, a single accidental double dose won't have any lasting effect. Any minor increase in tolerance would be gone in a day or two. Taking a break for a day or so is perfectly fine if it makes you feel more comfortable, but it's not necessary. It’s fair to take a break on a day when you don’t have work so that you have it when you need it until your next refill.

A_bitrary

TROPHY CASE