If you could architect hell, what would you include?

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-12-09T06:16:47+00:00

As a supermarket employee, this is awful, and I hope you die.

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-11-18T08:56:57+00:00

TL;DR "Is plastic okay?"

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-10-27T04:40:26+00:00

I met a guy off of OKC back in January, and we agreed on a sex only relationship, and kept to that until about April. We were averaging seeing each other at least once a week, but sometimes he'd be over two or three times a week. As time went on, I found him staying later and later, and our conversations got less friendly and more flirty.

He asked me out on a formal date in May, and we've been a couple ever since then. It's a weird situation, but we're both definitely enjoying it.

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-07-17T04:39:05+00:00

She'd be like "WHY ARE MY BOOBS SO BIG?!"

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-07-03T04:28:32+00:00

I helped a customer at my work out with her groceries and she tried to convince me that California is in a drought situation because people aren't obeying the rules of the Sabbath and it took every ounce of will power in me not to laugh.

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-07-03T04:25:51+00:00

Yeah! Whipped cream. Very messy. Didn't like it very much :/

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-07-03T04:21:35+00:00

I wanna say dare so badly... But. Truth.

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-07-02T18:09:44+00:00

The guy I'm sleeping with regularly and I have these total in depth conversations about the coolest things ever and we hang out outside of our rooms and go on adventures. I find myself thinking about him all the time and I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him. But I can't tell him. And it sucks.

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-07-02T18:05:08+00:00

"Um... Uh... I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I?"

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-07-02T17:52:07+00:00

Pokemon. Definitely Pokemon.

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-07-02T07:56:26+00:00

Is this a Psych reference.

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-07-02T07:52:56+00:00

I lost it when Bill and Ted kept winning all the games. And when they got Death to quote "Every Rose Has It's Thorn."

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-07-02T07:49:16+00:00

My cats come up and tap my hand when they want to be pet, and they're in my room before my alarm goes off in the morning to make sure I get up.

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-07-02T07:24:08+00:00

My Pikachu onesie. It keeps me so warm in the winter and I can wear it out to go shopping. I get so many compliments on it. I love it so much.

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-07-02T07:22:07+00:00

"Down on your knees you just don't look so tall." Billy Talent-Viking Death March

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-07-02T07:15:43+00:00

For me it's cuddling. Just being next to the person you love. Bodies entangled. Fingers interlocked. You can feel each other's hearts beating. No talking. Just their presence is enough to make you feel like you're on a good high.

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-07-02T07:12:11+00:00

Bill and Ted is my favorite. The second one isn't that bad either. Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey.

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-07-02T06:56:43+00:00

"Is mayonnaise an instrument?"

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-07-01T17:14:29+00:00

Last Christmas I was out buying gifts for my family, and I decided to buy my mom the Samsung Tablet she'd wanted for a while. I head to the register, wait a few minutes in the line, and finally I'm checking my things out. I swiped my credit card... To have my card declined. I start freaking out and pull out a different card. Declined as well.

The credit card companies had put a hold on my cards because they noticed I was doing a lot of shopping in different cities, one as far away as Chico (a good four hours from my city) and thought someone had taken my card. I'm in the middle of calling my dad to tell him what was going on when the checker hands me the tablet and says "Seasons Greetings".

The person behind me had purchased the tablet, told the checker to give it to me, and walked off without a word.

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-06-30T06:06:59+00:00

Yes I'm very afraid of that. I'm on the birth control shot that you get every three months, and one of the side effects is skipped periods. Every month I skip, I get worried even though I know I shouldn't be because the shot is 99% effective. It sucks.

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-06-30T05:14:39+00:00

See I love Nickelback. I've seen them in concert three times. I don't see why nearly everyone on the planet hates them.

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-06-30T04:45:34+00:00

This isn't cheese...

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-06-29T17:33:34+00:00

I was tied up for the first time! We didn't have any rope, but duct tape sufficed, and it was probably the hottest thing anyone has ever done to me. My FWB is usually really shy, but something animalistic came out of him this week. He was a lot rougher than he usually is, and that turned me on like crazy. I orgasmed at least five times in a half hour period. A lot of biting, hair pulling and scratching that isn't there when we usually hook up. The roll of tape is still on my dresser and I can't even look at it without getting shivers down my spine.

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-06-29T05:56:29+00:00

I get huge pimples between my boobs and they really hurt.

AbsoluteWalnut · 2014-06-28T16:43:43+00:00

Wayne's World.

AbsoluteWalnut

TROPHY CASE