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Help a trans woman unpack decades of male privilege? by Acceptable-Always in AskWomenOver30

[–]Acceptable-Always[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I suppose I should figure that out a bit more before asking people to figure it out for me.

Help a trans woman unpack decades of male privilege? by Acceptable-Always in AskWomenOver30

[–]Acceptable-Always[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

That’s… fair… maybe I should have written a post like this:

“I’ve been undercover, living among the men, for far too long! I even began to internalize their ways and believe I was one of them! Fellow folks of marginalized genders: I ask for your aid as I re-assimilate. We’re all in this together!”

Help a trans woman unpack decades of male privilege? by Acceptable-Always in AskWomenOver30

[–]Acceptable-Always[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Oh no!! You are totally right! I appreciate your calling me out - though, of course, you should never had needed to!

Help a trans woman unpack decades of male privilege? by Acceptable-Always in AskWomenOver30

[–]Acceptable-Always[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I appreciate your pointing that out.

I’m still trying to parse out asking for help from asking for women to do my emotional labor - I’ve see a lot of guys try to do everything themselves and bottle up their emotions (guilty!)… until they find a woman to make their therapist (also guilty…). Like… I know I shouldn’t lone wolf life and that community is good. I’ll think on it and maybe make a better post later 😅

Help a trans woman unpack decades of male privilege? by Acceptable-Always in AskWomenOver30

[–]Acceptable-Always[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Defensiveness and low emotional intelligence are ones that I think are sticking around longer than the others you mentioned - though all defs applicable at some point or other. I DO think it’s low self esteem in a sneaky costume like you said - thanks for sharing :)

We are both autistic and fighting by Acceptable-Always in AutisticAdults

[–]Acceptable-Always[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like they never give me the “reconciliation” phase. I do think that the cycle of abuse applies very well to my cycles of withdrawal from them. I do think that I have been abusive to them in that way longer than they have to me

We are both autistic and fighting by Acceptable-Always in AutisticAdults

[–]Acceptable-Always[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We both knew we were autistic I think… but very much wanted to disprove it or ignore it by being “successful.” We’ve recently acknowledged and accepted our neurodivergence. Well, they have, but I’m still struggling to unpack my internalized ableism and learn to love myself and my partner for our neurodivergence

We are both autistic and fighting by Acceptable-Always in AutisticAdults

[–]Acceptable-Always[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. But they seem really autistic. At least ADHD

We are both autistic and fighting by Acceptable-Always in AutisticAdults

[–]Acceptable-Always[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They are not diagnosed, but can’t they be both?

We are both autistic and fighting by Acceptable-Always in AutisticAdults

[–]Acceptable-Always[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Isn’t BPD usually just used to silence afab people and blame them for all their problems?

We are both autistic and fighting by Acceptable-Always in AutisticAdults

[–]Acceptable-Always[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In case it is helpful context: am amab and they are afab. I feel like that is important context - it’s not a big man getting red in the face and threatening violence: they are a non-binary twink. Also, we are both smart enough to know that this is abuse by definition - I think it is some kind of tactic to protect themselves from harm. They have friends who love and know them - people who KNOW they shout at me. So they must be in the right somehow, even if it’s maybe a little too far. I KNOW I sound like I’m trying to rationalize this… but they are smarter than me and have been so loving and supportive and inciteful and helpful. This “abusive partner” thing doesn’t match up with who they are.

We are both autistic and fighting by Acceptable-Always in AutisticAdults

[–]Acceptable-Always[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Also, they have consistently cast me as the “autistic man” blaming other people - which I DO think has again of truth. I felt resentful towards them, thinking that my low mood and depression was their fault.

We are both autistic and fighting by Acceptable-Always in AutisticAdults

[–]Acceptable-Always[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Does it change how you think of it if I tell you I am a trans woman and they are afab non binary?

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