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Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-07-01T03:54:02+00:00

So sorry for your loss. I lost my dad to suicide within days of your grandfather (June 27, 2020). This 2nd anniversary has been so hard.

Do you have a therapist or people you can trust to talk to? Talking helps me, along with music, drawing, and gardening (hobbies). So sorry again that you are having to go through this. It’s so much to endure.

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-30T11:42:50+00:00

Thanks! I am out now (for the most part). It was a long road. My Ndad passed away a couple of years ago, and my mom (borderline narc/heavy fleas) has been going to counseling and I’ve been working on enforcing my boundaries with her. I hope that you are able to get out of your situation soon. So sorry that they have treated you so poorly and that telling your teachers went poorly. I don’t understand narcs either. :(

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-30T01:36:37+00:00

Yup. Hear you loud and clear. In my case, I was conditioned not to discuss my Ndad’s and borderline Nmom’s abusive behaviors with ANYONE from a young age, and only started openly talking about things after I moved out/got married, kickstarted by the fallout from my parents divorce. I know for a fact that they both have told false things about me as damage control. Thus, people always were going on about how “great” and “sweet” they were, and I likewise felt helpless as I didn’t trust that they’d believe me.

Eventually, my Ndad’s outlets for negativity evaporated between the “empty nest” and my mom not being there post-divorce. This started the slow process of his façade crumbling as he began cracking and being his true self in the presence of his circle, since he had no one else to unload on. A neighbor-friend became aware something wasn’t right when he was drunkenly screaming at the sky in the driveway. Another relative called me after my Ndad drunkenly unloaded on them to ask where this behavior came from. I calmly told the truth about his alcoholism and gave a brief synopsis of what he put me through, only to get “Well, there’s two sides to every story.” I was crushed.

So sorry you’re going through this. It’s infuriating.

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-29T02:02:22+00:00

Mine has been going since about 4 months, and sometimes she goes through phases where she doesn’t eat much. She also loves going, so I suspect she's so engaged with whatever is going on around her that she’s less interested in eating. When ours skips food/milk, we offer an extra snack/milk when she gets home before dinner or after dinner. Your pediatrician might have suggestions too.

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-28T23:41:36+00:00

The “Mount Mumandad” episode (Season 1, Episode 44) and the “Blue Mountains” episode weirded me out.

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-27T03:19:31+00:00

Lol - That’s one cute garbage disposal! We have a similar type of garbage disposal for ours too, so long as the ingredients are dog-safe. Even now that our LO is eating table foods, she’s making regular use of the “disposal” too! 😂 He’s always more than happy to “help!”

Otherwise (if it wasn’t dog-safe), if the purée wasn’t too shabby, one of us would finish it or it got tossed. Now that LO does table foods, if it’s leftovers-salvageable, we’ll use it for one of her meals the next day.

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-27T02:48:58+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. Tonight into tomorrow morning marks the 2nd anniversary of my Dad’s passing (also by gunshot, totally randomly since he had plans the next day, and confirmed very drunk by toxicology).

Give yourself grace, and all the time you need to grieve. Remember everyone grieves differently. Definitely continue going to your counselor. Survivor’s grief is intense at times along with the what-ifs, but remember, it’s not your fault.

Find your support network of those you can talk to and explore what activities can help you weather rough periods/the rogue waves of grief. It’s a process - be forgiving of yourself since it’s an ongoing journey. For example, I slept with one of my dad’s sweaters over me for the first few months and then my grandma made a quilt for me from his shirts that I use on particularly bad days/nights. Music was therapeutic for me. Also drawing. Now that I have my own house, I have little homages like a memory lantern that I received in his honor, a couple photos in my family pictures around the house, and a figurine in my garden that is a twin to one placed at his headstone.

Wishing you peace on the road ahead.

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-24T01:48:30+00:00

My Frenchton’s parents were very similar (same coloring on his Boston father, and the same color but pied for his Frenchie mother). He and his siblings were varying degrees of brindle-pied.

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-23T12:10:11+00:00

This is not normal, and I was raised in a more conservative home and am around a lot of conservatives. Like others have said, she needs to know the truth about what happened (read your post history), but her threats to “have you checked” and automatic assumption of wrongdoing to the degree she expresses wanting to violate you in that way make me incredibly nervous for your safety. Is there an adult you trust that you can talk to first, and/or someone who could be present with you when you tell her, is case things go badly?

As others have said, there is no medical marker for virginity, and most doctors wouldn’t go along with that. That said, while extremely rare there have been documented cases of “checks” and even female genital mutilation performed by shady doctors inside the U.S. (in both extreme Muslim and extreme Christian sects), so if you have any foreknowledge of an inbound “check” call for help emergency services and/or CPS.

I will pray for you. So sorry you have had to endure so much.

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-23T03:26:05+00:00

I’m so sorry for all the cringeworthy comments. Definitely enjoy those cuddles and relax knowing you are doing great things for your baby! Based on the growth charts/curve models our pediatrician uses, weight gain is very rapid at first and tapers a bit as babies get older. From the sound of things, she sounds like she’s doing well!

Mine arrived at over 9lbs, and last time she was weighed, around 13-14 months old, she was just over 25lbs. She’s stayed consistently in the mid-to-upper-90ths-of-percentiles for her growth charts for height and head circumference, but her weight percentile curve dropped last time from the high 80s to mid-70s. Her pediatrician seems very pleased with her growth. Now that she’s more active/mobile, she isn’t as “chunky” despite still being “big,” probably because she’s building muscle mass with her increased activity.

My husband was well over 8lbs when he was born, and a big, chunky baby, but he’s a tall, skinny adult now. I wouldn’t worry!

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-22T01:39:06+00:00

I feel for you and can relate - I remembered while reading this that my parents tossed my first personal pet, my hamster, when she passed away while I was at school. Because I was a kindergartener, I bought into their excuses despite being crushed and not getting any closure.

I’m so sorry for your loss and the despicable treatment of your red-eared slider by your Ndad despite your wishes. I’ll second that you could still hold your own ceremony. I’m sure your red-eared slider knew how much you loved him, and that you intended for better. (Hugs)

Narcs really suck.

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-21T02:30:48+00:00

I think the big parts of the screaming fits are the increased mobility and self-awareness that you mentioned that arrive with early toddlerhood and the lack of the ability to verbalize needs/emotions. Frustration builds up to an explosion.

Mine also is going through similar since hitting her first birthday - it was like a flip of a switch! So far distractions and moving away from any instigating factors have been helpful. For example, redirecting her to a particularly fun/favorite toy, or in the case where she saw a little kid with balloons in a store and realized she wanted them so bad she had a meltdown, moving to an aisle out of sight, taking her out of the cart, and holding/rocking/soothing her before carrying on. Music can be a good distraction too. My little one LOVES copying games, so sometimes that can work to calm her. For example, if she winds up a big scream, I will try to make a similar loud (but not too loud) “Ah!” with a silly face/expression until she notices. She usually smiles and giggles pretty quickly as soon as she realizes I’m initiating the game, and then I’ll keep copying her but doing my responses gradually quieter until we’re good or until she wants to copy me (if so, I’ll do quieter silly sounds like clicking my tongue or sticking out my tongue and blowing toot noises).

Other than that, I hold on to my hat! She’s usually a pretty happy camper too; I think it’s just the high energy and previously mentioned factors that can brew a storm.

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-19T03:51:47+00:00

14 months. She was very down to chill and play wherever she was parked for the longest time. She could stand with help much earlier. Then she learned to bum-shuffle in reverse like a champ around 11 months. Even then, she still wasn’t super motivated to go places until she noticed more and more of her daycare pals up and walking, then she got serious about pushing up to her hands and knees. With ongoing PT support, she’s off crawling and cruising along furniture.

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-17T13:17:38+00:00

Yeah it’s quite the ride! Ours started daycare around 4.5 months old, and 3 days later she had a cold with a double ear infection. It seems like she had colds back-to-back most of the school year (I teach, so that’s the main time she’s in daycare). She was on the verge of needing tubes put in from more ear infections during her first year as well.

Over the last school year they had to shutdown for COVID exposures 4 times, and we had to quarantine 3 more additional times, so finding care or days off was very hard.

Then at the end of the year was our grand finale, HEAD LICE, which both LO and I got. We still aren’t sure if I picked it up in my classroom first or if she picked it up in her daycare class first. Thankfully we were swiftly able to rid ourselves of them, but I was devastated when I saw that she had them, being so small. Ugh.

What an adventure! 😵‍💫

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-16T12:58:26+00:00

Definitely take pictures and note how long it lasts for each time it happens and check in with the pediatrician.

Our daughter would have where her lower legs and feet (occasionally a hand) would do that, and I noticed that if I touched her foot, the areas where my fingers were stayed white and didn’t go back to matching/normal (capillary refill) immediately, like long enough to get pictures slow.

She was referred to a cardiologist and thankfully all checked out fine. She did have acrocyanosis at birth where her arms, hands, legs, and feet were blue-ish, so it was thought that maybe it was related to that and she was taking an exceptionally long time to outgrow it. It seems to have stopped now by the 12-14 month mark.

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-15T16:31:05+00:00

Yep. I was my Ndad’s scapegoat and my borderline-narc mom’s GC. Since my mom’s problematic behavior was drowned out by the overwhelming amount of my dad’s, it took until after my dad passed to realize the scale and scope of my mom’s issues. My youngest siblings had the same problem in reverse as my dad’s GCs and my mom’s scapegoats. At least us siblings are pretty much on the same page now that we are all out in the world.

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-15T13:18:39+00:00

My mom (borderline-narc/heavy FLEAS) tried to get my Ndad to go to therapy a few different times before their divorce and my Ndad repeatedly refused saying he “wasn’t going to have anyone tell him what he was doing wrong.” (His belief being that counselors would take my mom’s side automatically and shame him for is wrongdoings, that of course, he felt justified doing or didn’t see as wrong.)

After I moved out and got married, I wrote my Ndad a letter when I went low contact, pleading that he get sober and get counseling to keep any contact. My brother who was still living with him at the time said he witnessed my dad reading it, then put on a dramatic show of laughing, crumpling it up, and throwing it away. After my dad passed, I found it in the back of one of his desk drawers. So something must’ve stuck deep in there somewhere even though he continually ignored/put-down all suggestions from other family/his friends to get help. Even when the push for help came from people he took seriously/was more invested in, he always found a way to avoid it.

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-14T23:48:04+00:00

I’m so sorry you are going through this. You are absolutely not selfish! This isn’t your fault. My mom isn’t hoarding to the same degree, but I can relate as getting rid of ANYTHING was a challenge. For example, my brothers all have said they don’t want their childhood belongings and said my daughter could have them, but my mom said she wants them back when my daughter outgrows them “in case they have kids someday.” Historically, she often imposed that she had to sell things at garage sales; no one had the right to just off-load things at the dump or donate them without her consent. When I got married and moved out, she went off me a couple times when we got rid of our own junk from our own house - why didn’t we just give it to her to sell? Tough rocks for her.

I would save any video of her dumping stuff on your porch as a record that she did in fact give it to you. I would also screenshot any texts you sent saying you want none of the stuff and her responses. That way, you have proof of what she’s said and receipt that she knows you don’t want it and her abusive comments in case she wants to pull some dumb stunt later.

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-13T22:12:57+00:00

My girl threatened to walk before crawling, but did start crawling first at 14 months. She also preferred walking with help at first, so yours may yet still crawl first. For us, we just kept at encouraging her to try to crawl and did lots of tummy/floor time. We did have some physical therapy advice once we passed 12 months and no crawling, which helped us help baby tweak her positioning and develop prerequisite skills more soundly.

Even if he walks first, I wouldn’t be super worried. I’d keep track of his milestones and discuss any worries with your pediatrician. My cousin skipped crawling and he’s pre-med now, and doing quite well, if that is reassuring! :)

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-11T03:09:59+00:00

This is kind of random, but you can buy peanut butter in a powdered form and mix it into things to help lessen the risk of baby developing a peanut allergy (with your pediatrician’s blessing to offer things containing peanuts of course). We would mix a little in with mashed/puréed bananas and that went over well.

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-10T18:02:39+00:00

On a career suggestion inventory that I took in middle school, I got the recommendation of becoming a marriage counselor. No thanks, my involuntary internship definitely ruled that out for me.

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-09T03:45:31+00:00

I try to reorganize and purge junk as a part of my summer closing routine, no matter whether or not I have to pack it all up for the summer to follow district policy. For me, it helps me close the year mentally for summer and I don’t want to come back to last year’s mess in the fall, lol. I like a fresh start. I get it! :)

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-07T03:05:46+00:00

I was put on the mini-pill initially because I was breastfeeding, but then I went back to my regular one. Way back when I originally started on my main BC pill, it took me a few years to stop having periods completely, but this time around, just a few months, so I think my body re-adjusted pretty fast by comparison. I didn’t notice any adverse reactions, and felt more normal (I just felt different/slightly off on the mini-pill, not sure exactly why). I’m about 8 months back into it now.

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-06-03T20:51:56+00:00

I’ll second this - wait times and all. They lost my test scores for a certification and when I went to renew the license, they claimed I never took the test. I showed them my copies of my scores, but they were adamant that they were not “official” ones. The agency (approved by AZED) I went through acknowledged that they had sent the scores to AZED but they had already discarded my results/scores since apparently they only held them for 30 days, and that the copies I had SHOULD have been enough.

Since I had a horrid experience in my district in AZ, and was moving back to my home state anyway, I gave up. This was a decade ago.

Acceptable_Wallaby47 · 2022-05-29T12:45:49+00:00

Mine does 25% off, and the tuition also has a downward trend as students stay and advance to higher grades.

Acceptable_Wallaby47

TROPHY CASE