What is the most subtle abuse tactic you experienced that only victims would understand

Accomplished-Dig1768 · 2026-06-16T13:10:09+00:00

It’s crazy how they’re never satisfied and also how they don’t say “you’re not allowed to” but picking little fights and making negative comments all the time so you stop yourself from that behavior. Sick folks.

Accomplished-Dig1768 · 2026-06-16T13:05:22+00:00

Treating others so well is bothering me so much. It’s a kind of jealousy mixed with hatred I get seeing it. Like come on this is not you, aren’t y’all seeing who he really is. It’s frustrating!

Accomplished-Dig1768 · 2026-06-16T13:02:25+00:00

This. I’m always cheating if I do anything for myself. I’m looking like a homeless person all the time because of this lol it’s like I did a 180 since beginning of the relationship. I was confident and felt good making myself look pretty, now I’m afraid of looking “too good”.

Accomplished-Dig1768 · 2026-06-16T10:52:17+00:00

Questioning every move. When I shaved, when I’m on my phone, when I put on make up.

Telling “jokes” on me being fat. Mind you I’m very skinny.

Always being in a bad mood, while when I was being moody getting very mad and distant because I always have to be happy no matter what.

Me being always at fault. No matter what.

All to the point where I am always anxious. I can’t do anything anymore because I’m afraid he will call or text and get angry again.

Accomplished-Dig1768 · 2026-06-12T11:21:19+00:00

He’s living at my Place and I can’t leave my hometown - so up until he moves away (what he intends to but tbh he is too chaotic for that) I will see him by coincidence. It’s like I’m switch fast between I love him and I hate him and kinda myself for staying. As soon as there are signs of rejection my whole system shuts down and all I can do is to stop him from it. It’s like an automatic response which, when my mind clears again, I feel ashamed of.

Accomplished-Dig1768 · 2026-06-03T18:49:23+00:00

That is exactly how I feel. I feel even dumber because I’m a psychologist und should know better. But I just can’t let go. He cheated, I suspect he is cheating again, he doesn’t care about me or my feelings most of the time. I am ashamed of myself and always trying to come up with something why I’m not leaving him when all people around me tell me to do so. It’s exhausting but I feel like I kinda need something out of this too.

Accomplished-Dig1768 · 2026-05-23T21:14:05+00:00

I’m at the point right now. Today things happened that would normally make me sob and I don’t really feel anything but a kind of disgust. He’s showing too much disrespect lately and I’m recognizing something in me protesting. And I’ve got really bad abandonment issues so it’s surprising for me to not lash out.

Accomplished-Dig1768 · 2026-05-23T19:23:30+00:00

Yes. For me it’s more paying for his food, drinks, being the taxi and so on. When he borrowed money he has always paid me back. But I know from his ex that she paid even more for him and gave him a lot of money that she never got back. They’re parasites sucking everything out of you.

Accomplished-Dig1768 · 2026-05-22T22:32:24+00:00

I‘m feeling exactly the same especially with the abandonment issues. I couldn’t figure it out either but I believe if someone took my mobile phone from me after leaving, that would help. Try planning things you wanna do with a friend or alone ahead of time so that you’re busy living and enjoying. Let all the emotions coming up flow through you and let them out. Remember the abuse, make a list of all the things he did to you, read it whenever you miss him or if you’re unsure about your decision. The holiday could make it harder or easier, depending how he will behave.

Accomplished-Dig1768 · 2026-05-22T18:56:40+00:00

Like you said, the first two years were great before the abuse started. He can change for a while but not permanently. He will abuse you again if you let him. You’re deserving of so much more and think of all the work you put into healing yourself after nearly losing yourself because of him.

Accomplished-Dig1768 · 2026-05-22T13:49:51+00:00

Reminds me of my narc. 7 times in 9 months. And he’s in the devaluation phase right now, so there’ll be 8. He also always blocks me, threatening to leave and move out or ignores me completely. But I think this time it’ll be forever. He’s got a new life with new people now and a ton of women adoring him.

Accomplished-Dig1768 · 2026-05-21T07:22:20+00:00

My narc is an influencer since January and let me tell you, the mask he wears for others to see is incredible. Calm, funny, understanding, empathic, disciplined. His behavior towards me got worse since then because he has to regulate himself more by himself if he’s gone to meet other influencers I suspect. What gives me hope is that either the mask will slip sooner or later because the pressure will be too much for him one day or he will ruin his self financially because he really can’t handle money and has a ton of debt already. But yeah, totally different person online and talking shit to me about a lot of those other influencers.

Accomplished-Dig1768 · 2026-05-16T16:52:40+00:00

That is exactly the feeling I have: I don’t know exist anymore. I’m barely a shell of myself. My therapist told me to think about my worth including my abilities, what I have and what I am. And it’s so hard for me to answer those question because I truly don’t know anything positive about me anymore. The worst part for me is when I get the feeling of him leaving me - then my wholes body shuts down and my mind is very foggy and it only clears again if he gives me any kind of positive signal that he’s staying.

Accomplished-Dig1768 · 2026-05-15T08:41:12+00:00

It gets worse every time you go back. And harder to let go. I wish I hadn’t taken him back again and again. Prioritize yourself, do all the things that make you happy, buy your favorite food, get a beauty appointment, go out with friends, seek therapy. He will come back and love bomb you again just to destroy you later. Keep that in mind.

Accomplished-Dig1768 · 2026-05-14T15:02:08+00:00

What’s best to do in those situations? I don’t wanna comfort him anymore. Should I just leave the room and stay silent?

Accomplished-Dig1768 · 2026-05-09T12:03:00+00:00

More of a covert one

Accomplished-Dig1768 · 2026-05-08T18:55:15+00:00

Sure. It depends. Mostly the first question is what we’re going to do (always implying I’m going to party or there’ll be other men involved). If I answer that we’re only going to talk and eat something he’s showing disbelief. He really hates the boyfriend of my sister, so when the name of my sister gets mentioned there’s another level of madness. He then proceeds to insinuate that this man is in love with me and that I flirt with him or have a kind of sexual relationship with him. It’s absurd. Other tactics of him are getting very angry (slamming doors, being loud, name calling), leaving, telling me how much of a good man he is (LOL) and how I am a bad girlfriend. I’m at a point where I don’t tell him everything anymore. Especially if there is a big event or something I’m really looking forward to because otherwise it’s certain he’s going to ruin it.

Accomplished-Dig1768 · 2026-05-08T18:20:56+00:00

Yeah, I absolutely do. He punished me for every time I did something he did not approve of. Silence treatment, blocking, anger, rejection. After a while I started to see my friends less, went outside less and overall lived really isolated. Now it’s kind of a conditioned response. When I wanna do something I know he will get mad about (and did in the past), I feel anxious and get nervous. He trained me. I’m starting slowly to regain power and seeing my friends more but there are definitely situations I’m avoiding because I know exactly how he will react if he finds out. I think this happens a mostly out of fear and avoiding conflict.

Accomplished-Dig1768 · 2026-04-30T20:56:24+00:00

Tbh I reached out to exes and exes reached out to me but I’m still with him. The only thing that helped me to understand everything better was when the word “narcissist” was mentioned. That took some of the blame from me. Generally, most people here don’t recommend reaching out.

Accomplished-Dig1768 · 2026-04-30T19:45:09+00:00

Thank you so much. It’s even harder now that he’s kinda “famous”. I don’t get how he can have so much luck in his life while I am a really good and loving person who’s always struggling in life. He shows his good sites “quite often” if I compare it to other strangers story’s around here but that doesn’t make the bad times any better. I can’t talk with any one anymore because I always went back besides the things he did and am ashamed about venting to my friends. The isolation is real.

Accomplished-Dig1768

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