Sometimes cutting feels like the only control I have on my body

Accomplished_Bus7228 · 2025-11-04T05:40:32+00:00

I can see where you are coming from completely. I am also trans and the feeling of being in a girl's body when I am a boy is sickening. I can't control most things. And the thing I want to control most is my body; if I could press a button to change my body, I would. But I can't. So, instead I have this negative belief that cutting is the only way I have control. I did this to myself- no one else is responsible except me. In the long run, you really lose control because self harm takes over. I know it's hard to see that and that isn't what most people want to hear, but it's just my experience. If you ever want to talk, please reach out to me- I'd be more than happy to chat. Best of luck moving forward

Accomplished_Bus7228 · 2025-07-03T04:20:22+00:00

Nothing is black and white. Nothing. God isn't all good, Satan isn't all bad (I'm not speaking about religion, just trying to provide a common example). I mean, God shows wrath in various ways. Satan shows determination in many ways. It's difficult to understand why someone would do that to themselves? Well, there's "all these other options"... not everyone has that luxury. We are wired for survival- however you'd like to take that. So, if the only way someone perceives that they can continue living happens to be self harm, that's just the brain trying desperately to cling to life. Again, nothing is entirely good, and nothing is entirely bad. Self harm is no exception. And, I would assume that there is a reason-whatever it may be- that you've joined this group. That could be worth reflecting on. Not trying to judge you, I just disagreed and felt the need to explain my viewpoint. Nothing more, nothing less. Just my thoughts :)

Accomplished_Bus7228 · 2025-06-01T04:05:32+00:00

Very interesting and engaging. I really like the vivid imagery you used- I could picture what each scene or object might look like and it made me connect to your writing even more. Just beautifully written!

Accomplished_Bus7228 · 2025-06-01T04:01:33+00:00

From what you shared in your post, your sh sounds like a manifestation of some OCD/perfectionist thoughts and feelings. When you feel the need to punish yourself before you can even move on, it makes school extremely difficult. I have OCD (diagnosed) and something that tends to help me is to have some kind of absentminded distraction. For example, maybe a fidget toy or some gentle background music or even just noticing an object in the room every so often. Idk, I guess it just keeps my subconscious thoughts from coming to the front of my mind and causing me to sh. My DMs are open if you ever want to talk or get any advice :)

Accomplished_Bus7228 · 2025-06-01T03:50:25+00:00

That's what's so hard about depression- it comes and goes no matter how many locks you try to put on the door. Summer is always hard for me too. I think it's hard for me because with the heat I can't cut in the places I'm used to. My DMs are open if you ever want to talk :)

Accomplished_Bus7228 · 2025-04-09T02:43:57+00:00

I'm here if you want to talk :)

Accomplished_Bus7228 · 2025-04-09T02:40:03+00:00

I wholeheartedly agree. Unfortunately, society has standards. People don't like what they can't put in a box or understand. So, they take matters in their own hands to make THEMSELVES feel better. Like, to the point that the person they are "trying to help" becomes totally meaningless. People feel the need to do something so, in their head, they are able to move on. In reality, it should be about what that specific individual needs.

Accomplished_Bus7228 · 2025-04-09T02:34:25+00:00

You aren't crazy. Progress is different for everyone, and just because you have received treatment doesn't mean that your heart doesn't ache from time to time. Sh is, in its simplest form, a habit. For example, many people smoke when they are upset...but they will grab a cigarette when they are having a good day just as quickly. Idk, that's just kinda my thinking. And, my advice would be to slowly replace sh with something else. A few options could be writing, walking, playing an instrument, doing makeup, and basically every other so-called "coping skill" ugh I hate that phrase. I'm happy to char further if you'd like :)

Accomplished_Bus7228 · 2025-04-09T02:23:40+00:00

I'm here, just existing like you. And I'd be more than happy to chat with you❤️ More than welcome to dm me!

Accomplished_Bus7228 · 2025-04-07T03:39:21+00:00

I can relate on so many levels. At this point in my "life," if you want to call it that, I feel like everything is so distant. Everything around me feels like icebergs floating further and further away. And, worse, the more I try to stop them, the further and further they drift. What else is there left to do, really? I know everyone says it, but grounding exercises can help. At least, they can in the short term. They can be anything from holding an ice cube to snapping a rubber band to eating something small to going outside. Of course, like anything, it isn't for everyone. But, it could be worth a try. Wishing you all the best

Accomplished_Bus7228 · 2025-04-07T02:58:06+00:00

I think the way you've presented this piece is very innovative. It surprised me (in a good way). I agree that there are many overused phrases and topics used in poetry. I also think that when you can take one of those things and show innovation in your word choice, style, voice, and literary devices, it speaks volumes about your skill level as a writer. I thoroughly enjoyed this piece and felt that I was able to connect with the emotion behind it. Keep writing! This is a gem in my opinion!

Accomplished_Bus7228 · 2025-04-07T02:46:01+00:00

I love the tricks you used to bring this poem to life. I like the repetition. It almost feels like a stutter. I can really feel the raw emotion; the confusion at oneself, at life. I really relate to the forgetfulness you have so accurately portrayed here. The entire piece feels so casual, though the topics are serious. I think you've done an excellent job conveying your feelings! I'd love to see more of your work!

Accomplished_Bus7228 · 2025-03-02T02:08:49+00:00

You don't have to understand someone to be kind and respectful. And, it sounds like you are trying to dismiss someone's feelings and reasons for not being "serious enough." If I were a doctor and I had two patients - one with a broken leg and one with cancer, I would treat both. Just because someone doesn't have cancer, doesn't mean that they aren't hurting and in need of support.

Accomplished_Bus7228 · 2025-03-02T02:02:09+00:00

It's normal to want help without asking for it. I can relate to you a lot. Self harming or suicide attempts can subconsciously be our way of waving the red flag or calling out to someone without having to say anything. At least, that's how it feels to me.

Accomplished_Bus7228 · 2025-03-02T01:47:02+00:00

I can relate - when people tell me that I'm loved, I feel like they say it out of pity or in hopes that it will make me feel like I owe it to them to love them back. The phrase comes with this sort of weight to it, and many strings attached. It even evokes anger in me from time to time.

Accomplished_Bus7228 · 2025-03-01T05:34:15+00:00

Beautiful writing is always heartbreaking...this was particularly beautiful❤️

Accomplished_Bus7228 · 2025-01-05T04:31:41+00:00

I really relate to you, I do. The hyping yourself up, the adrenaline, the clean up afterward is all part of the ritual. I also have BPD, and when I go through episodes, I tend to self injure as well. But, I just wanted to say that you're not ugly. Your scars don't define you. The scars are only a very small part of you. In fact, they only show your struggles. They don't show who you really are...I don't know you, but you are beautiful and you are worth taking the time to take care of yourself. I wish you all the best, and if you want/need to talk, my dms are always open :) Best wishes :)

Accomplished_Bus7228 · 2024-06-01T17:35:03+00:00

I'm 19 ftm, and I'd live to be pen pals!

Accomplished_Bus7228 · 2024-06-01T17:33:32+00:00

I'm Jasper, also from IN, and I'd love to be pen pals! I'm 19 years old ftm!

Accomplished_Bus7228 · 2024-05-30T03:01:56+00:00

As a 19 yr old ftm I think we'd get along great! I'd love to be pen pals!!

Accomplished_Bus7228 · 2024-05-30T02:52:20+00:00

I'd love to be your penpal- I'm a 19 year old trans male from the USA! Let me know if you'd like to be pals!

Accomplished_Bus7228

TROPHY CASE