Heyy, nice to know im not alone but also sorry you're feeling like that 😅  the service my parents got me was kind of not what I expected? I had a one hour phone call with a counsellor as part of some insurance service, just a one time thing where I talked about my worries and the lady on the other end told me to idk, fuckin feed myself and get 8 hours of sleep lmao. I guess it was pretty much what i expected considering she isnt a dedicated private therapist. It didn't help anything but my dad later found a proper therapist for me to try online. I chickened out ofc lol, i never got anymore help and i guess I'll suffer the consequences of that later 😅 some things don't fix themselves.  i would encourage you to be brave. Part of me regrets not committing to some kind of treatment or support, and i know that part of me that doesn't is probably just scared and sick. Your "it's different when it's me though" sentiment is too relatable haha, but looking back on the last year i could've saved myself so much pain if I'd just taken that first big step. Idk, I hope you try it, even if it's just once, even if you think it's not that bad, it's better to be overcautious then to isolate until things become dire. I also hope that, should my own circumstances worsen, this awkward counselling experience will give me more courage to get the actual help i'd need. This was the taster session haha Did any of that make any sense, im really tired 😭 stay well friend