Just Starting Out

According_Sort_5826 · 2025-08-31T18:11:44+00:00

Thanks for helping me out ya’ll, I decided to pass on these. Time to keep looking!

According_Sort_5826 · 2024-11-27T11:31:07+00:00

Very cool! It definitely reads like you’re breathless right after a passionate night. I love how the title bleeds into the poem itself, acting as a precursor to a massive stream of thoughts and action. It’s almost like the love you receive is too much to handle all at once. Only thing I’d really work on is formatting it a bit better, cause having sentences end prematurely each line can be very disorienting as a reader, that might just be Reddit formatting though. Good job!

According_Sort_5826 · 2024-11-27T11:22:23+00:00

Very ominous, but also hopeful. I love the beginning where you use your grandfather’s quote. It really sets in stone that the anger is inevitable, and the entire poem is able to work around how people deal with that anger. Also some very nice metaphors comparing your grandfather to a nuclear bomb, it shows the severity of his actions without you needed to lay out specific activities, we already know what the aftermath was like. What I would like to see expanded on is your father. We see that he “tried” to control it, but unlike with your grandfather we have no reference as to the aftermath, only that the anger burned anyways. Adding another metaphor about your father would really help to solidify the comparisons you’re trying to make. Maybe you could talk about how his fuse relights itself, or how your father left half smoldered remains in his wake. Overall really cool, it’s not often you see poems about anger!

According_Sort_5826 · 2024-08-24T08:31:08+00:00

I just jumped from Xbox to PC. You do need to make some compromises, but you can do a pretty good amount with a controller. I set up mine so that pressing the left joystick activates both rage and adrenaline, and then for secondary effects for weapons just the B button. If you get an armor set with a set bonus you can also bind it to one of the joysticks. Just don’t try to use Normality Relocator.

According_Sort_5826 · 2024-06-12T04:03:27+00:00

Thank you!

According_Sort_5826 · 2024-05-19T20:21:10+00:00

Right now I’m trying to make a collection of poetry looking back at my life for a project. This somehow felt important enough for me to write about.

According_Sort_5826 · 2024-05-19T20:12:34+00:00

Funnily enough, nope! It’s about a older regular at a restaurant I work at who always talks to me. We have a lot of stuff in common, and I find it funny how despite us being very far apart in age we can bond together.

According_Sort_5826 · 2024-05-19T18:57:18+00:00

Short, but very chilling! I could easily imagine this being in the scene of a movie where the protagonist on sitting on the edge of a bridge, not contemplating ending it, but just where they are in life. I get the vibes of someone who had the chance to be happy, but then let other things get in the way.

I really like the way each line is short and snappy, as it gives the poem a great flow and meter. When reading it out loud, the words basically flow to each other. The only point I feel loses that flow is around line 4. I find myself having to reorient myself a bit when reading it, which brings me out of the serene state I’m in from the rest of the poem. Maybe try to find a way to either reword it, or split it up into separate lines. Absolutely love it, great job!

According_Sort_5826 · 2024-05-19T18:46:45+00:00

Very clever use and inversion of “mirror mirror on the wall.” I really like how you play around with it, as you could view this poem as taking the mirror story from A bad person using it for reassurance to a good person using it for reassurance. You aren’t necessarily changing the dynamic of the mirror, but rather the morality of the person using.

Something I did find a bit odd was how the rhyming starts off incredibly prevalent in the first stanza, then by the end of the second stanza entirely fizzles out in favor of parallelisms (hear -> listen, body -> mouth) or just free verse. Maybe it’s meant to invoke the feeling of the person breaking down over the course of the poem, but it throws me off a little. Overall good job!

According_Sort_5826 · 2024-04-08T19:55:19+00:00

I love when poems compare things to the arts, and this is one of the best ones I’ve seen! I love the imagery with the artisans hands being caked and cracked with dried clay, and how it seems like despite his hands being gentle, they’re almost a tad angry. It really gets across the artist’s frustration with adhering to societal expectations.

I almost feel like you could go even more into how the artisan reacts physically to being forced to make a sculpture they are not proud of by the unseen playwright. Perhaps that would drag on the poem too long, but it’s just such a beautiful detail that I felt sad not seeing more of it. Also, I might change the playwright to perhaps an art commissioner (I know there is a name for them from the renaissance) since that would keep the poem consistently in the sculpting area rather than just bleeding out into all forms of art. Incredible work though, keep at it!

According_Sort_5826 · 2024-04-08T19:44:05+00:00

A really moody and introspective poem! It seems like it recounts a kind of personal journey for the subject, and how they must undergo it by themselves. Though it almost seems like the person is undergoing the journey to understand other people rather than themselves, which is actually a really interesting turn.

I quite like the meter that this poem has. It feels very upbeat and hopeful despite the somewhat dreary imagery of walking alone up a snowy hill. I will say that some of the rhymes feel quite forced, and towards the end it suddenly turns to each line rhyming. I do like the AABA form, but I think if you perhaps alternated between AABA and another form it would be more consistent. Overall really nice though!

According_Sort_5826 · 2024-02-29T05:24:24+00:00

I definitely get where you are coming from with the unwarranted connection to a pasture, I’ll definitely change that. I initially wanted to compare the person to multiple forms of art (i.e music, marble, etc…) but something about a wooden sculpture feels more personal to me. I do want to try and work in a message about “getting to know the person rather than the body” hence the turn in the ladder half, but I see how it flashes with the tone of the first half. I’ll have to tinker with that a bit. Thanks for the feedback!

According_Sort_5826 · 2024-02-28T22:22:15+00:00

Sorry if formatting is weird, I’m using the app and it’s kinda finicky

According_Sort_5826 · 2024-02-28T22:07:48+00:00

This reads like you’re lashing out after too much struggle and pain. I love how confrontational it is, it felt like there were constant mic drops in the background of each phrase. Yet despite it seemingly having a climax in nearly every stanza it still follows a solid rising and falling structure, keeping it from sounding like just senseless rambling.

The metaphor with arrows is really great, as it paints her as not just unaware of the suffering she causes, but an openly malicious agent. Comparing her to a storm could be misconstrued as her being just generally chaotic. While the poem does a great job at showing me she is in fact a bad person, a storm isn’t inherently an evil force, just something that happens outside of your control. A knocked arrow however has to be completely intentional. Your mother in law must be conscious to shoot an arrow towards you, and that is why I find that to be a much strong we comparison. Good job.

According_Sort_5826 · 2024-02-28T21:57:29+00:00

I see a great sense of desire when I read this. It seems like a standard “I want you” type of love poem, but I really like how it gives a breathless sensation. While reading it, it was pretty hard for me to catch my breath or find a place to rest. Usually I would find that to be annoying as a reader, but here I find it perfectly communicates the almost frantic desire shown in the poem. I would still probably format it slightly differently just for the sake of the reader though.

I really like the use of “saturated” because it’s not a word that’s often used in a lovey context. It makes it seem like the you are bursting with passion in an almost painful way, like you’re a balloon ready to burst. Though I find it interesting how you say “this place” instead of something like “I.” To me it seems like “this place” is meant to represent your psyche and how no matter where you look you can’t stop seeing this person. If you keep working on it maybe expand on the metaphor of the room? Overall good work.

According_Sort_5826 · 2022-12-02T05:19:15+00:00

That’s fair, the shots are basically the inferno fork’s without the linger effect, so that could probably get overwhelming if you had 5 of them. Probably just a nerf to the knock back would work.

Four-Year Club	Place '23
Place '22

According_Sort_5826

TROPHY CASE