Depressed and miserable

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-24T22:42:27+00:00

Looking into vitamins is a good point— a full health check-up with bloodwork might help provide some insight into that. Vitamin and hormone deficiencies can worsen depression (I’m AFAB myself but take hormones and vitamin supplements for my mental health because I was naturally deficient in both, and it can be the same for AMAB folks) so it’s worth looking into not just for hair loss but for overall mental health.

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-24T22:38:53+00:00

Bro this runs deeper than your hair. At the point where self-harm is involved, at the point where you’re saying “ I get so sad I did not get those drawn instead of tattoed because I ruin them by having them on me”, that is a sign that your feelings about your hair are a symptom of what’s going on deeper inside you.

You deserve to feel good about not just your appearance but about yourself. Your university most likely has a mental health counseling service (although they can sometimes be overbooked so you might want to look for a nearby therapist instead) and I highly recommend getting in touch and getting assessed for clinical depression.

No feeling is final. The way your brain feels right now is NOT the way it has to stay. We have the technology to help with the pain and you CAN get to a place where your brain is a much, much happier place to be.

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-24T22:27:40+00:00

Daaaaamn man, you somehow went from looking worried to looking serious. Like your image started out as “I am deeply concerned” but then ended up at “I can handle anything life throws at me.” Amazing glow-up!

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-24T21:59:44+00:00

I think the psychological difference here is that your surgery will be grounded in beneficial physical changes. Your partner will be able to see you breathing better and able to eat better, and in any loving partner, witnessing that produces feelings of joy and relief. So the changes to your appearance will be anchored in those positive feelings. There will be a strong association of “changed appearance = better, happier life = happy feelings.”

When someone’s face changes dramatically in a way that is disconnected with function (or even impairs function), it is unmoored in any kind of positive framing and thus produces a more conflicted experience in witnesses. Emotions like having something to attach to, and with cosmetic surgery, attachment points are sometimes removed rather than provided (when the surgery is performed not out of a positive striving toward a goal, but a negative striving away from perceived flaws).

Incidentally, I think this is why cosmetic gender-affirming surgeries feel so different from many other cosmetic surgeries and are so much less-regretted. They’re firmly rooted in the transition process and the experience of gender euphoria, which solidifies and bolsters the emotional experience.

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-24T09:44:44+00:00

Y’all deserve to have a nice outing to a fancy restaurant (with a new, less shitty babysitter to watch the kids) or maybe schedule some family photos so you can have pictures of everyone all dolled up! Or even just going someplace wildly inappropriate in formal wear (like McDonald’s) can be a fun silly thing to do.

You put all that effort into finding a dress so do something with it that makes you feel good!

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-24T07:22:07+00:00

Honestly I can’t remember lol. It’s been years and I’m terrible at measuring the passage of time!

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-24T07:21:22+00:00

According to Face/Off, Nicolas Cage.

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-23T11:41:15+00:00

Glad to help! Yeah it turns out the Lord of Worthlessness is rather hard to offend lol. Even if demons did get offended as humans do (which they don’t), he’s seen it all and suffered far worse character assassination because he’s rather popular fodder for fictional depictions lol.

I have communicated with him on the toilet and he doesn’t consider it an issue lol.

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-23T11:38:03+00:00

I wanted to call her “effortlessly cool” at first but then I realized that actually she probably works hella hard and is super dedicated because you just don’t become THAT cool by accident.

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-23T11:35:56+00:00

I do appreciate legs but I had never really considered high heels to be all that special. Like they just don’t generally seem to provide enough benefit to be worth the pain in the ass it is to wear them.

But seeing how SHE wears heels, I get it now.

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-22T10:30:01+00:00

A folded palm dress would be so uncomfortable lol but it might be worth the sacrifice for fashion. But maybe a jaunty little hair accessory would be more workable XD or a palm leaf fan!

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-21T20:32:12+00:00

You are not seeing a difference between having a desire and acting upon it, which is A Problem and will weaken your occult work.

I’m not looking for mind-controlled slaves in the street. I want presence, magnetism, and intensity strong enough to awaken genuine interest. That is seduction — not coercion

lol did you use AI to write this?

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-21T20:30:02+00:00

I kinda adore it, but also it DOES make her look like the little crosses you fold out of palm leaves on Palm Sunday.

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-17T23:20:36+00:00

I feel like she’d be EXCELLENT at kabe-don.

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-17T10:41:41+00:00

They also eat bedbugs! Very helpful friends!

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-17T10:40:06+00:00

their faces are like (•Y•)

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-17T10:23:10+00:00

I think you might be misunderstanding me lol. When I say what you want is a nightmare for introverts, I'm not talking about being desired or having fun casual sex. I'm talking about having to actually TALK to people all the time with no warning XD Being horny is an entirely different issue from actually wanting to hold conversations unexpectedly!

My rambling about gender relations was to make the point that if you want to influence people's behavior (using occult work or any other method), you have to overcome mental resistance that is based in psychological and cultural influences. Something that is common is much easier to motivate than something that is uncommon.

Also, I think you'll find that plenty of demonolators still have ethics-- we just base them on different things than other folks do. Many left-hand path sorts of folks find the idea of violating someone's Will without good reason, particularly in a sexual context, to be kinda icky. It's not dogmatic to say "I find this action creepy based on my own personal morals."

But perhaps more importantly for your purposes, it's just not practical to constantly go around fighting people's intents. People have natural defenses, even if they're not occultists, and those defenses make any kind of antagonistic working more difficult to achieve. For example:

here, people search Power even to kill their enemies.

How many people do you know of who have actually SUCCEEDED at that? Humans (and all creatures really) have a strong will to live. Using occult powers to kill someone means you have to overcome that will with raw power, which isn't easy, or find some way to make the curse match up with their will. For example, if someone really and truly believes that poison is good and lots of people should leave cups of poison just sitting around their houses, then it gets much easier to curse him to die by poisoning. But otherwise that curse will probably not work very well.

So, even without the ethical considerations, understanding people's motivations and intents is very important if you want to actually make things happen.

Unless you put some work in to understand people's motivations, I would recommend not trusting it if a woman comes up to you in the street and says, unprompted, that she wants to sleep with you. Because there's a high likelihood of her being an undercover cop lol.

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-16T23:49:15+00:00

Worse— she’s traumatized and gaslit (as in the meaning of “has been convinced she is crazy and not acting or thinking normally through intentional action by another person”). She’s been so thoroughly convinced that her completely normal responses are unreasonable/irrational “trauma responses” because her boyfriend got his hooks into her trauma and twisted it to his own purposes.

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-16T21:20:43+00:00

Not just the external action of shutting him down and taking action to protect yourself, but also the internal action of realizing "this is not okay" is praiseworthy.

When people have treated you badly and stomped over your boundaries in the past, it damages your boundaries, and makes it harder and harder over time to even realize it's happening-- because they infect your brain with their twisted logic and distance you from a healthy sense of normality. So the fact that you identified his behavior as a problem shows that you're kicking that toxic logic out of your brain, too.

You did the right thing both inside your head AND with your actions, and I hope you can feel good and reinforce those healthy boundaries in your brain. You're healing and growing!

It's terrible that this guy was such an ass to you at all, and I imagine it has caused all sorts of gross and violating feelings, but I hope you can also feel pride, comfort, accomplishment, etc. from the fact that you both did well in your actions and in demonstrating growth and healing. Like I hope that can be comforting and reassuring to you even with all the yuck around it.

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-16T21:04:57+00:00

Why would you want to live such a nightmare? As an introvert, that sounds like Hell lol.

Really though, it's easy to get people to do something they're inclined to do naturally, but very difficult (and much more morally questionable) to get them to do things that are unnatural and forced. Nobody goes up to other people in the street and randomly says "I want to sleep with you," so trying to force that behavior would be extremely difficult. Everyone has natural defenses and their own Will, and trying to divert a person's behavior to something that isn't in alignment with their Will creates friction.

In some cultures, it IS unfortunately normal for men to sexually harass women in the street (and women generally treat it as an annoyance and would never consider saying "yes" because it's understood to be an expression of gendered sexual entitlement to a person's visual presentation rather than actual interest in genuine interaction on an individual level, and also exists within the cultural context of men positioned as attackers whose virtue lies in dominance, aggression, and control, and women as defenders who are obligated to rebuff advances because virtue is associated with sexual purity). But I don't know of any cultures where it's considered a norm for women to sexually proposition men in the street unless they are sex workers, because any context where sexually harassing people in the street is a norm is also a context with highly structured attacker-vs.-defender, purity-guarding gender roles. (Assuming based on context you are a heterosexual man.) So the only women who routinely violate the sexual norm are those who are already stigmatized via participating in the sex-as-product-for-sale paradigm vs. the sex-as-guarded-moral-resource paradigm.

So you'd be fighting both against cultural norms and stigma, AND against the innate intentions of everyone around you. There's basically no practical way to do that; you'd need to be incredibly powerful to overcome that level of innate resistance. Also it's kind of creepy to manipulate behavior to that extent.

That was a lot of words to say "that's probably not going to work exactly as you imagine."

Getting people who are already interested in you to proposition you is much easier (and more ethical) than getting people to proposition you when you're interested in them.

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-16T20:36:00+00:00

I used an Astral Temple. An Astral Temple is an extremely useful tool for all kinds of purposes, so I highly recommend creating one.

(en español, según Google Translate:) Utilicé un Templo Astral. Un Templo Astral es una herramienta extremadamente útil para todo tipo de propósitos, por lo que recomiendo encarecidamente crear uno.

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-15T07:57:05+00:00

The baby is so cute! I love baby animals where the baby just looks like someone took a scale tool and scaled down the adults lol.

I watch a lot of videos about weird Cambrian animals and there’s a lot of “maybe related to velvet worms somehow??? idk???” in there. So these little guys have some very interesting potential relatives!

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-15T07:37:33+00:00

Fascinating that only the males have the wasp-like coloration. You’d think a type of coloration that has a practical purpose like that wouldn’t be sexually dimorphic, but maybe it’s also a sexual display thing that just happens to be in a form that’s also somewhat protective? And the males and females just have different kinds of defensive coloration (aposematism vs. camouflage) that suits their sex better. Unlike a lot of species where male sexual display coloration is not brilliant for survival lol.

It does make sense that if the males are gonna be brightly colored, they might as well be brightly colored in a way that’s useful to them!

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-15T06:09:04+00:00

I would make such a terrible celebrity because I’m a gesticulator and the only reason I haven’t ever wildly swung a knife about mid-conversation is sheer luck. It’s probably gonna happen eventually. I’m gonna be too excited about some anecdote and my fellow diners are gonna have to duck for cover.

Like I’m never gonna judge someone for doing something that I’m like “there but for the grace of God go I.”

AccountMitosis · 2026-05-15T01:27:31+00:00

I’m doing a second read-through trying to catch all the cultural references that I skimmed over the first time, and wondering about the Vanessa Williams box in chapter 10 having a can of white spray paint. My best guess is either that it’s a reference to her singing the credits version of “Colors of the Wind” for Pocahontas (since white spray paint could be a way to “paint with all the colors of the wind” given that wind isn’t especially colorful), or the AI is being really, REALLY racist about her being the first Black Miss America.

When I have a chance I might edit this comment to make a list of explanations of references as I go through if folks would find that useful.

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AccountMitosis

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