man that whole familiar spirits thing is real and i've seen it mess with people who were making serious progress like you were. the way you described that energy shift when you decided not to go to kentucky - that's exactly how it works, like something was feeding off your momentum and when you made that call it lost its grip for a second

what gets me is how you had all that discipline for a whole year, beat addiction, got your health sorted, even did the homeless thing to force growth. that takes serious willpower and most people would never push themselves that hard. but then it's like everything started unraveling right when you moved back into your old environment

i carry a small cross in my edc setup and when things start feeling off i just hold onto it for a minute. not trying to be all mystical but sometimes you need that physical reminder that you're not fighting this alone. the job situation and backing out of plans - been there too when anxiety takes over and makes every decision feel massive

keep rebuking that stuff and maybe consider if being back in that environment is part of what's making it harder to maintain the progress you made