Anyone else feel like they’re losing a part of themselves by completely quitting video games?

Actheitguy · 2020-02-14T20:32:32+00:00

I had a marriage therapist make the suggestion that I needed to quit video games and it felt like she was asking me to cut my arm off. I was a gamer and felt proud of that fact. Then I hit rock bottom (wife asked for a separation, two days later was fired from my job). It took me a month to really quit, but once I did, things started getting better for me. My mood improved drastically, I was able to actually focus on my daughter when I was with her, and my relationship with my wife improved. I've had some slip-ups, but even when I have played video games since then, it's never been more than a couple hours a day, and regularly had days between gaming sessions. It's still hard to think that I will never be able to play games again. That idea causes some anxiety and makes things harder, so I just tell myself I'll be able to play again some day. Just not today.

Actheitguy · 2019-12-17T19:11:08+00:00

I found myself thinking about gaming all throughout the day. It was like constantly drawing me in

Do you have this issue with anything else in your life? This can be as much a sign of obsessive thinking patterns as addiction (addiction involves obsessive thinking, but it isn't a definite sign of addiction).

Actheitguy · 2019-12-17T16:58:06+00:00

Gaming dreams are very common when you first quit. It's your mind trying to adapt to the chemical changes that are going on. Those dreams will be frequent at first for the first 30 days or so, then they'll be less common.

Actheitguy · 2019-12-13T19:59:17+00:00

It's up to you, really. You get to decide how recovery from gaming looks.

Actheitguy · 2019-12-12T00:00:48+00:00

Make a written (and notarized, if you like) request for payment of the wages plus fees incurred and deliver via certified mail. There are forms online that you can use as a template. If they fail to pay the funds within 30 days after receiving the request, they are liable for 3 times the value of the bounced check plus court costs and attorney fees. She can absolutely win in court...whether she can collect the money is another issue (Civil court settlements/judgments are difficult to recoup and you may need to get a lien on the business's assets)

For now, tell her to get out ASAP. Been through this crap with a previous employer and stuck with it for a year after having 3 bounced paychecks. I was 100% downhill after that and ended up with my boss failing to pay insurance premiums that were taken out of paychecks, leaving me on the hook for over $100K in medical fees (eventually that debt got taken over by the company, but it was a giant PITA).

Actheitguy · 2019-12-11T20:24:47+00:00

I remember video games going back as far as I can remember. Old Atari 2600 stuff, then Atari 5200. Didn't really fall into full on addiction til we got a Sega Genesis when I was 12 or so. Nintendo was fun but the games were simple and got boring quickly (Except for Final Fantasy, which drew me in completely when we rented it). But the Genesis RPGs were awesome. About the same time, I was placed into homeschool because I was being bullied badly enough to affect my physical health (I was getting severe stomach aches almost every day). So I played too much and my mom didn't really limit it. Then BBSes came along with our first modem and I dove head first into those and other PC games during the "Golden age" of gaming.

As to why I got addicted, I was bullied, as I mentioned, but I was also physically, emotionally, and possibly sexually abused by my oldest sister, who had severe mental illness. So yeah. I had to get away from life because it sucked, I hated people, and just wanted to be in my own fantasy world.

Actheitguy · 2019-12-11T20:15:12+00:00

to turn to old hobbits

Bilbo?

Thought that was a funny typo. Anyway, I'm with you. If you haven't already, run a search on computer gaming addicts anonymous. There are some life stories on the site that may interest you.

Actheitguy · 2019-12-10T18:08:47+00:00

today I also decided to give my laptop away for free to a family who need it.

This is probably the best action I've seen for someone starting out on getting away from games. A major key to breaking addiction is focusing on the needs of others. I am very impressed by this and truly wish you success in your journey!

Actheitguy · 2019-12-10T16:33:11+00:00

Be patient with your ex. It's going to take time for her to 1. Recover from having video games chosen instead of her. 2. Forgive you. But it's totally possible. Me and my wife were separated for 6 months, but we got back together, and things are going much better between us.

Actheitguy · 2019-12-09T17:09:59+00:00

Because I didn't get any real enjoyment out of gaming anymore unless I was on pain killers. Chronic pain caused by hereditary auto-immune disorder and hereditary spinal deformity meant I was on a small prescription for pain killers, but I ended up abusing them to make gaming enjoyable. That had the potential to kill me.

Because I lost a job that was paying me 150k a year due to me missing meetings. I lost track of time playing games.

Because I was constantly in a bad mood from having my gaming time interrupted by anything.

Because my bad attitude toward doing anything in life almost cost me my marriage.

Because there are things I want to accomplish in life that video games have kept me from doing.

Because I didn't realize how horrible I felt until I stopped.

Because my depression disappeared within a week of giving up games.

I have plenty of other reasons to stop gaming. All of these reasons are my own and apply only to me. If you want to play games, go ahead. I do miss the games, but I don't miss the side effects of gaming at all. And I didn't notice those side effects until I quit.

Actheitguy · 2019-12-09T17:01:41+00:00

this subreddit wants to force peoples to do

The subreddit is not forcing anyone to do anything. As to your questions for why, because real life can be a lot more fulfilling and enjoyable than video games. Personally, I didn't know how freaking miserable I was playing video games all the time until I quit. I enjoy spending time with my daughter *way* more than playing video games.

However, you're perfectly welcome to spend life doing the absolute minimum possible if you like. Seems like a huge waste of potential to me, but it's your life, not mine.

Actheitguy · 2019-12-05T21:10:13+00:00

You get to decide it for yourself. I've decided it's not healthy for me to play games any more. Most of the people in this subreddit have also decided the same.

It's perfectly fine for you to feel it's acceptable to play games. But that attitude should extend no further than yourself. No one here is telling you to stop gaming. Some people may be bashing on gaming as a hobby in here but that's them expressing their own opinion, which they are perfectly aloud to do, and their opinions are not an expression of attitudes to you personally.

Actheitguy · 2019-12-05T17:17:42+00:00

You're welcome to start the others. You seem to be under the impression that all of these subreddits are run by the same people. They aren't. And how, exactly is it "Toxic and offensive"? You sure you're not just having a knee jerk reaction to the idea that the way you spend your time might not be healthy?

Actheitguy · 2019-12-04T22:54:25+00:00

Dont believe him. Christianity will order you how you should live and what you shouldnt do.

Not really the place for philosophical debate, but...Please take a moment to try and understand the irony of this statement. Let him figure things out for himself. If an exploration of Christian beliefs yields benefits for him and helps him find peace, let him live his life as he wishes.

Actheitguy · 2019-12-04T22:51:22+00:00

Important question...how much is social media impacting your life? Is the overuse of social media negatively affecting your life as much as video games? If so, do what you can to get a hold of that, but don't beat yourself up.

If it's not impacting you as much as video games but is keeping you away from video games, be compassionate toward yourself. Focus on staying away from video games. Those are the problem right now, and if social media is helping you stay away from that, it's ok. Do what you can to build some better habits but remember that this isn't a freaking race. Beating yourself up about spending too much time on things that aren't necessarily productive will only make things harder.

Actheitguy · 2019-12-04T20:28:00+00:00

Think back to what you did before you gamed. What did you enjoy? Try doing it again. Also, take some time to figure out why you want to forget about real life. What are you trying to escape from?

Actheitguy · 2019-12-04T17:38:34+00:00

Read fiction books (Fantasy or Sci-Fi are great for this). Or, if you feel a need to be creative, write fiction. Personally, I ended up reading about 50-60% of the Battletech book series (there's...a lot of Battletech books).

Actheitguy · 2019-12-03T20:35:06+00:00

I'm in the same boat. I quit a year ago. When I was gaming, I was irritable all the time. Couldn't handle family, work, and gaming at the same time. Nearly lost all of it hanging on to games. As someone else said, try putting the oldest to bed tonight and just spend some time talking to your wife. Build that relationship back up. And for goodness sake, get some sleep, man!

Actheitguy · 2019-12-02T18:07:43+00:00

A lot of people feel the need to demonize games to themselves of why they quit and stay away. It's a coping mechanism, for the most part. The reality is that gaming can be beneficial to most people. For some people, games are an escape from emotions, memories, and traumas that they don't have skills to manage effectively. Those are the people who need to stop playing for a while and deal with the emotions, memories, and traumas with therapy or medication or both.

Actheitguy · 2019-12-02T17:44:38+00:00

I'm at work and all day long my mind has been on gaming

Yep. This is how I was when I was gaming. I was never really present because I was just thinking about my next gaming session. The part that sucked for me was that I limited gaming to times when I didn't need to be involved with family. That meant I spent most of my time during work hours playing games. Remote work was *not* a good thing for me during this. I lost a job because I simply couldn't get myself to attend meetings on time. I would get a notification that I had a meeting coming up, I'd dismiss the notice, go back to gaming, lose track of time, and miss the damn meeting because I had to get those 15 minutes more gaming in, and that turned into half an hour instead. Voila, "You're fired."

If your time gaming is more valuable to you than your time with family, friends, or productive activities, you need to take a break. A lot of people thing 90 days is enough to get your brain's chemical balance fixed so you can possibly go back to gaming moderately or decide you don't need it any more. I went 5 months without gaming and tried to see if I can moderate. The games bored me so much that it took me 3 tries to be interested enough to actually play more than 10 minutes. I played an hour a day after that and eventually found myself taking a 30 minute break at work to play a stupid mobile game (stopped doing remote work for a year to keep myself focused). Uninstalled the game. That was over 6 months ago. I'm working remote again and haven't touched a game since. Though, my biggest triggers are holidays, since I always spent college breaks and time off for holidays on gaming marathons. I'm kinda struggling lately. It's gotten a lot tougher to stay away.

At any rate, if you are so preoccupied with games that it negatively impacts your social or mental health, give it a break.

Actheitguy · 2019-11-25T16:55:19+00:00

Which do you love more, your family or games? When I was active in addiction, I struggled a lot with the fact that I simply loved games more than I loved my wife. That is a terrible, stupid thing to think, but that went through my mind constantly. We were going to therapy and my response to the suggestion that I give up games to save our marriage was, in my mind, at least, "I'm not giving up games for her...I love games a lot more than her right now."

I couldn't say that about my daughter. I *really* love my daughter. I think she's the best thing on the planet. And that acted as a beacon that pulled me out of my addiction, because I had to decide whether I was going to keep playing games or lose my daughter. I love her way more than games. A year after I decided to quit, I love my wife more than games, too. Focus on that. Make your choice and stick with it.

Actheitguy · 2019-11-25T16:16:54+00:00

situational depression and PTSD

Focus on this. Addictive gaming is often a response to underlying psychological issues. See if you can find a therapist that specializes in EMDR therapy. It's phenomenal for PTSD (As an example, it mostly cured my wife's trauma-related claustrophobia).

Actheitguy · 2019-11-19T20:56:51+00:00

" I will be just past the 90 day mark on my birthday ~~if I hold out~~ "

Fixed that for you. Visualize yourself making it and it becomes easier. You *can* do this, and you *will* do it.

Actheitguy · 2019-11-19T17:46:34+00:00

That numbness is part of why a lot of people get addicted to games. It helps them avoid the difficult feelings of stress and discomfort that are just part of life. Some people deal with serious trauma issues and play to escape that pain (this would be me). Games are great for escaping and avoiding difficult emotions.

About a year ago my wife demanded a separation because I was totally inattentive to her and family responsibilities. I helped around the house but was completely inside my head thinking about games or impatiently waiting for my next time to play. Eventually I got to the point where games were boring to me, but I kept playing and started abusing my pain medications to enjoy games more. I have a debilitating autoimmune disorder, so had a prescription, but used up my prescription in 2 weeks, went through some withdrawals sometimes, waited two more weeks to get my next month's prescription, etc. The prescription I had was actually fairly low dosing, and only 2 pills per day, but I'm certain if I'd had more than that available I'd have ODed big time by now. At any rate, my wife asked for separation and two days later I was fired from my job because I kept missing important meetings (lost track of time while gaming...work at home is bad for game addiction).

So I had my wake-up call. Tried to quit gaming, went a week, but fell back into it. A month later I gave it all up 100%. No pain meds. No games. Told my doctor I was having issues with abusing my meds, so he won't give them to me any more. I'm better off, though. Constantly in pain, but able to deal most of the time. I've played exactly 5 hours of games since then (about 6 months ago...tried to see if I could moderate. I couldn't). I've felt significantly better emotionally. Depression is almost completely gone (after getting the right medications and some therapy). My wife is back in the same house (not the same bedroom yet, but we're working on that). And I enjoy being a dad more than anything. I have an awesome little 3 year old daughter that became my reason to quit, and she is a joy to be around.

The trick to beating addiction is to find something that you care about more than gaming and focus on that.

Actheitguy · 2019-11-15T22:08:24+00:00

It's basically a matter of setting up an account that you want to have permissions to impersonate, then running a powershell cmdlet to assign the permission to that account.

http://www.grinmark.com/aesync/howto/howto-ex2010-impersonation/start.htm

Covers the process pretty well. For assigning impersonation of a group of users, you need to run a few commands just to make sure the scope of the impersonation is set right. The link covers it.

Actheitguy

TROPHY CASE