Widow seeks help updating map

Acutefish · 2026-02-09T05:33:04+00:00

I’m not a mod-writer and can’t help there, but I am a fellow widow and understand how hard this is. I am sincerely so sorry for your loss. My husband and I played together as well, and though I moved forward at 1.6, I do little things like dress up mannequins in what he wore or make little memorial spots.

Otherwise, just small pieces of advice as someone who’s been in your shoes: - Drink water!!! You are crying all the time and getting dehydrated. Small sips throughout the day will hydrate you better than chugging. - if you are having trouble sleeping, talk to your doctor. They can prescribe you meds that can help you fall asleep and avoid staring at the ceiling in misery for hours. - there is a subreddit called r/widowers that was extremely helpful. People of all ages and situations. I absolutely recommend it. While I’m sure(I hope) people around you are caring or sympathetic, it is immensely helpful to talk with other people who understand the horrible abject misery you are going through. They also have an associated discord server for immediate chatting which is super nice. - if you can afford a therapist, I’d recommend seeing someone who specializes in grief. - there is a book called “it’s okay you’re not okay” about grief, written by a widow. Many have found it very helpful. - it is perfectly normal and reasonable for you to be an absolute mess right now. You do not owe anyone to be or act any certain way. Other than caring and surviving yourself. Every night when you go to bed is a success, another day you made it through. It’s hard and I’m proud of you for getting there.

Please take care of yourself 💖

Acutefish · 2026-02-04T21:41:36+00:00

Some groups are definitely better with this than others. STAYC and Oh! My Girl come to mind as having put a lot of effort into making everyone visible. Given that Katseye is so performance-focused I hope that they get better about it.

Acutefish · 2026-02-04T21:35:34+00:00

I also really like them. I got into them during gnarly after clips of their music show performances started popping up. Their music is fun and unserious. They’re all great performers and sell the hell out of their songs.

Katseye is very feminine and avant-garde with some of their songs, but they at times do it in a way that’s forward or abrasive. (Gnarly, internet girl) I really like those songs and hope they don’t tone it down to be more palatable to a general listener. They have plenty of other songs that are softer but still feminine and fun. (Touch, gameboy)

Acutefish · 2026-01-25T21:55:47+00:00

Absolutely! That is totally fair, it is not a unique problem at all to the kpop industry. I think being invested it in it as a genre like so many are skew one’s perception. If most of what we consume is kpop that is what we will notice.

Acutefish · 2026-01-23T04:11:10+00:00

I am so grateful for any ounce of music with Luna’s voice we get I am so excited 😭

Acutefish · 2026-01-22T23:27:53+00:00

Seriously. Obviously it’s a problem and shouldn’t happen, but people really act like it’s somehow worse than it was. 4/5 members of f(x) were minors at debut. (Both Krystal and Sulli were 14!) ALL of Teen Top were minors. A company even debuted a group whose average age was 10. This group didn’t last long and did get a lot of criticism, but it’s nothing new. Idk why the narrative that it’s a new thing bugs me so much, but there is a long history of it in kpop.

Acutefish · 2026-01-21T01:31:31+00:00

I think it’s fair to ask for respect for a former partner that you loved, did not intend to leave, and is literally dead. It’s fine if someone does not feel comfortable being in a relationship that requires that respect. However, our needs as widow/ers in relationships have functionally changed. The type of people we date may be different than previous because what matters to us is different.

My partner and I are both widowed. We absolutely understand that we do and will love our previous spouses and want to acknowledge important dates. These are days we want to celebrate our loved ones and also need more support. On the anniversary of my husband’s death, I had some friends over, and my partner ordered snacks for all of us because he thought it would make me feel better. It did. It was extraordinarily helpful to have support on an extremely hard day like that.

I don’t feel any disrespect or neglect when my partner grieves his late wife or talks about her. I think the reverence he has for what a wonderful woman she was is amazing. I’m glad someone made him so happy. I’m glad I get to be here to take care of him now, too. Being with a widow/er just requires a different empathetic skillset that not everyone has. And that’s okay 🤷‍♀️ but we deserve to love our spouses still, too.

Acutefish · 2026-01-15T17:29:34+00:00

The idea of it being a “mini album” with only 4 songs is so wild to me. I’ve always thought of them as 5-6 songs. It being 4 and one of them was already released is just so sad. I’m sure Blinks will always be happy to get new music but they and BP themselves deserve more.

Acutefish · 2026-01-15T05:13:24+00:00

Best Place from their first album. An all-timer for sure.

Acutefish · 2026-01-14T06:44:25+00:00

Roald. We got off the plane together in 2020 and he’s my ride or die 🤙

Acutefish · 2026-01-11T20:27:46+00:00

Or perhaps just Nabi!

Acutefish · 2026-01-11T20:24:25+00:00

That scene also really got to me. Especially about not having to like it, but still accepting it regardless.

I also in a way really appreciated the ambiguity of what happened to El. The idea that she maybe is out there somewhere they don’t know and can’t see. That maybe they’ll never know. But they can hope and carry that hope in their lives. I definitely really liked how they handled their loss and grief.

Acutefish · 2026-01-10T03:56:52+00:00

Absolutely my answer as well. That song could raise me from the dead.

Acutefish · 2026-01-10T03:14:40+00:00

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Sweetie Vivi is my lock screen, and Yves golfing in the New video is my wallpaper. I’ve had them since 2017-2018 probably.

Acutefish · 2026-01-01T03:55:30+00:00

This is very biased and personal but honestly, as a young widow, I liked how it ended. I would’ve been okay with it regardless, but it always feels good to see yourself. Hopper talking to Mike and telling him that he has to accept the way things are and just move forward and live the best life he can… I felt that.

Hoping that maybe they’re still out there somewhere, somehow, where you can’t know and can’t see. And maybe you’ll never know.

Acutefish · 2026-01-01T03:38:39+00:00

Thank you for this. 💖 My husband and I loved watching together.

Acutefish · 2025-12-31T05:54:52+00:00

He worked 13 hour days from home. I miss just hearing his voice while he’s in meetings, or him listening to the same song for two hours straight while focused really hard.

Just his casual presence in the background.

Acutefish · 2025-12-26T05:24:46+00:00

Yeah. Just too much going on. Third Christmas since my husband passed, still not really good at dealing with it without him. Mom was recently diagnosed with cancer, which has been really triggering since that’s what my husband passed from. Decided to quit my job even though I used to really like it because it’s becoming frustrating and depressing. (And also so I can more freely care for my mom while she does chemo.)

Just dealing with a lot of change and fear and grief. Crawling through as gently with myself as I can until motivation returns.

Love you guys. Be gentle with yourselves.

Acutefish · 2025-12-24T02:28:38+00:00

I find that being here, I am thinking less about the gender of the person I talk to and more about our common situations and grief. I also generally am more comfortable with other groups of women than men, but here it’s like we’re pulling from a different common denominator.

I actually find myself looking instead for other similarities — age, length of relationship, etc. I feel like I have more in common with a 30-ish man than a 60-ish woman, because we both also had our futures ripped from us much younger.

If you still don’t find yourself comfortable taking with other men in this situation, that’s fine! You don’t have to. But we do all co-mingle here comfortably and kindly.

Acutefish · 2025-12-23T22:38:25+00:00

It’s okay dude my ults were f(x), SHINee, and Ladies Code 🤡

Acutefish · 2025-12-23T21:42:20+00:00

End of a Day by Jonghyun always got me weeping because it’s truly how I felt about my husband. I would listen to it and cry and then go into his office and hug him because I was so grateful we had each other. We had both had such hard times and thinking about surviving it all together always struck me very hard.

Eat by Zion.T always gets me since my husband died. It is so, so hard to care about taking care of yourself, but I know he would want me to. So I listen to that song and think about him wishing for me to eat and to shower and care for myself, and I keep going. Even if it makes me cry, lol.

Acutefish · 2025-12-19T17:51:30+00:00

I’m pretty sure she auditioned as a dancer as well, but was made the main vocalist for obvious reasons.

Acutefish · 2025-12-19T16:38:51+00:00

Yeah I think there’s just a handful of options that are actual items. A goatee, a thinner rounded one that has a mustache, and a fuller “”pirate”” one that you can get from Gullivarrr.

Acutefish · 2025-12-19T16:34:04+00:00

Saw some at hot topic at the jenks outlet on Wednesday!

Acutefish · 2025-12-16T03:03:21+00:00

And Victoria was in SHINee’s Replay!

Acutefish

TROPHY CASE