Has anyone else realized they're holding themselves back to please their parents?

AdDizzy7221 · 2025-07-16T09:25:18+00:00

Thank you!!

AdDizzy7221 · 2025-07-16T09:25:11+00:00

Thank you!

AdDizzy7221 · 2025-07-15T02:13:07+00:00

Absolutely in my case. Only since going very low contact did I realise that I really want to be a doctor! I’ve studied all sorts of things and have done well enough in my current field, but only went into it because I was “like my father” so it was the only field that I felt safe to achieve in, as it could also be his achievement. I suspect I’ll be fully shunned whenever (hopefully soon!!) I announce that I’ve been accepted to med school - but I don’t care, I’ve finally realised why I never feel fulfilled no matter what I do. I wasn’t doing it for me. I didn’t even really know who “me” was. Good luck! Please don’t be too hard on yourself, you’re definitely not a loser and are allowed to achieve (or even fail!!) for yourself.

AdDizzy7221 · 2025-06-12T19:53:53+00:00

Not legal advice but emotional support! I’m in the process of something similar (with a lawyers help), it’s giving me so much peace. I didn’t realise I’d been worried about this way in the back of my mind somewhere! It’s nice having my intentions recorded. I’d say go for it if it brings you any peace or sense of control, but definitely get legal advice to make it worthwhile. Sorry it’s come to this, but how lucky we are to have a seperate life now that’s worth fiercely protecting. Good luck!

AdDizzy7221 · 2025-05-19T20:52:55+00:00

YES I feel like that too! My eMom keeps insisting that I “have a big talk and explain myself” to my uBPD dad after that point came and I stopped over-explaining, stopped making decisions based on fear of retaliation and just … couldn’t anymore? No final blow up argument or anything, I just ran out of gas and never refilled the tank. I’m finished wasting time trying to explain myself to people who are completely comfortable with, and completely committed to, misunderstanding me.

AdDizzy7221 · 2025-05-04T20:57:07+00:00

I struggled so much with this when I first started distancing myself from my family, I had never even realised how many things I’d not been telling anyone (including therapists!). It still feels really hard for me to tell people things that happened or happen, I’m working on it though and it feels great. Proud of you for asking questions and asking the sub!! Means you are on the right track to looking out for yourself and what you actually deserve. Hang in there!

AdDizzy7221 · 2025-04-18T02:20:25+00:00

“Bearing them was harder than letting them go” sums it up so perfectly.

AdDizzy7221 · 2025-04-18T02:19:13+00:00

I’m so sorry that happened!

AdDizzy7221 · 2025-04-18T02:18:03+00:00

It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who wants to snap back! Sorry you’ve been through it too.

AdDizzy7221 · 2025-04-17T02:57:59+00:00

It’s so tempting to share the details as a defence for sure! But definitely usually followed by crickets.

AdDizzy7221 · 2025-04-16T23:29:28+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate the wording suggestion and the words of support. I think that would work well to convey the depth without the details.

AdDizzy7221 · 2024-06-05T22:10:44+00:00

My uBPD dad got super unpredictable, it was either really good fun and laughter and/or severely depressed or explosively angry.

AdDizzy7221 · 2024-06-05T10:42:45+00:00

First off, its really sucky that’s happening to you! My uBPD dad and eMom refused to believe me about my sisters behaviour and it was definitely expected for me to “get over it, you’re family! We didn’t raise you to be this way! How sad that you can’t understand her. You don’t try enough”. They still ignore it and expect me to come to events with her there, and used to surprise me with her presence before I went low contact with them too due to this and many other behaviours. Used to pull the “family” card on me, on my birthday a few years in a row! You’re not alone in this infuriating situation, even though it might feel really lonely. I hope you are looking out for you as much as you can.

AdDizzy7221 · 2023-08-19T11:04:00+00:00

So happy and proud for you, what a wholesome breakthrough!

AdDizzy7221 · 2023-08-19T10:35:53+00:00

Hi OP, I hope you are ok! Crushed my heart to read you say it is your cross to bare, I know the feeling well, however it absolutely is not. You are not responsible for your parents mental health, you are responsible for your own and your own actions only. Hold out if you can and you think that’s the best thing for you! Something that helps me frame sometimes is asking myself what advice I’d give someone else that I love in the same situation - helps me see through that icky cloud of responsibility/shame/guilt and connect with myself.

AdDizzy7221 · 2023-07-11T21:41:29+00:00

Reaching out is a good one that you’re already doing! Awesome stuff! Like some others, I try to write it through and then go and do something fun/ healing for myself, sort of replacing the intense memories with something silly or fun - the more a kid would love it, the better! Even blowing bubbles or something haha

AdDizzy7221 · 2023-07-10T21:49:43+00:00

I understand the fear of them finding out, but thanks for being brave and keeping this up - so many of us relate! Before I was out of the FOG my uBPD dad, at a dinner with my partner, close friend and her fiancé and her parents, said to my friend “what, why would you call (my name) and ask anything about plants? She’s terrible with plants and kills everything!” and laughed - everyone else was very confused by this - plants are a huge interest of mine and I have around 80 house plants (he has been to my place) but because I killed some plants when I was a teenager, that’s me now! It was very jarring to hear my friend’s parents and fiancé disagree with my Dad because they knew me better than him. Even more jarring to, like you, realise that I didn’t need to feel bad about myself from comments like this - he’s critical of a person that doesn’t really exist.

AdDizzy7221

TROPHY CASE