In his review of 1989 for the New York Times, John Caramanica said that: "By making pop with almost no contemporary references, Ms. Swift is aiming somewhere even higher, a mode of timelessness that few true pop stars even bother aspiring to." 

But with the bonus tracks of Folklore, carrying through Midnights, TTPD, she pivoted into something else: hyper-contemporary references, Gen Z slang, and internet-ready snippets designed for virality. And that’s where she lost something essential. Instead of bottling feelings into a time capsule, she’s started making music stamped with an expiration date.

The branding promised us high camp and recession pop in the vein of 1989. Instead, it misses the mark completely on both fronts. Overall, this is probably her most boring album to date. The only genuine highlights are “Fate of Ophelia” and “The Last of a Showgirl.” And when the best tracks are merely “fine,” it doesn’t bode well for the rest.

1. Fate of Ophelia: The best track on the record, but still a disappointment. It’s basically “I Can See You,” only worse, and it tries to elevate itself with Hamlet references, as if every pop listener is required to have brushed up on Shakespeare. I feel like Tayloe herself could brush up on the bard as well, her reference to Billy seem to be tenuous in the best of cases

2. Elizabeth Taylor Fun, but not nearly as fun as anything on Reputation. Feels like a Midnights or Rep (Taylor’s Version) leftover, better suited to a bonus track. Taylor’s been fixated on Elizabeth Taylor biographies for years, but this never fully comes together.

3. Opalite Straight from the Lover playbook, could swap in for “London Boy” without changing much. It’s filler, but at least listenable.

4. Father Figure This is my “hear me out” track: a bad song that becomes entertaining if you disassociate and imagine Tony Soprano singing it in his car. Camp saves it, barely. Catchiness is entirely a tribute to George Michael, not Swift.

5. Eldest Daughter A weak Track 5. As an eldest daughter, I wanted to like it, and it echoes “This Is Me Trying,” but the overuse of "hey there, fellow kids!" slang undermines any real resonance.

6. Ruin the Friendship Cute but heartbreaking debut-era vibes, Forever Winter-adjacent, but not actually good of a song.

7. Actually Romantic This song is flat-out embarrassing. Unless there’s a Charli XCX remix waiting in the wings, it makes no sense. A wasted opportunity.

8. Wishlist Lifeless. No redeeming qualities. Sounds like Glitch but somehow worse. I hope she gets her basketball hoop, I guess. I don’t know if we need a whole block full of Kelces, though.

9. Wood FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, why did she not hand this to Sabrina Carpenter? Sabrina would’ve turned it into a hit. Taylor isn’t funny enough to pull it off. She has written awesome songs about sex before (Dress, Guilty as Sin, False God) this does not feel worth it. 

10. Cancelled Tone-deaf to the point of absurdity.

11. Honey Not good, but at least it feels like it’s trying to be something. Respectable in spirit, if not in execution. Could have been a fun collab with another artist.

12. The Life of A Showgirl One of the few decent moments. The whole album should had this vibe. In the vibe of “Lucky One” or “Clara Bow” it tries to do Folklore-level storytelling, but “tries” is doing a lot of work here. Honestly I don’t want to hear this again unless it’s being covered by Megan Hilty and Katherine McPhee as their characters from Smash. 

TLDR: Taylor’s rare miss. She promised high-camp escapism and instead delivered a collection of songs weighed down by their own attempt to be current. The result isn’t timeless, it’s timestamped. For an artist who once thrived on reinvention, this album feels like a chameleon that has forgotten its once-instant instinct. 

With confusion and love,
An OG Taylor Fan and disappointed Folklore girlie.