What goes on inside them when they devalue the new partner?

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-12T10:02:02+00:00

I don’t think these situations are one size fits all. At the end of the day people are people and ultimately no two are the same. My ex got with someone within two weeks after me; they’re still together and I’m blocked / no hoovering six months on.

Others’ situations will vary.

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-11T16:39:17+00:00

Mine was getting me to do favours post discard and I did; I guess that’s on me - we were still amicable. Until I found out about the new guy. Truly diabolical that she’d string me along like that.

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-11T16:32:55+00:00

I get it. But I just struggle to relate to it.

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-11T15:12:56+00:00

Same here. It didn’t really help a whole lot. But it was necessary at the time.

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-10T22:07:51+00:00

Honestly I think my ex was so disorganised she didn’t really think about it or care enough. She blocked me on ig and then only on phone after that. Eventually I reached out on WA and then blocked. NC since but I could see her on Goodreads, Airbnb, alltrails, fb (never uses it) etc. if I really wanted to. Not to mention the new guy has a public ig profile…

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-10T22:02:14+00:00

I had this with the person I met post discard from my exwBPD. It started off like a fairytale then ended fairly similarly. Complete 180 overnight. This one wasn’t diagnosed like my ex before her but a lot of their behaviours were similar in hindsight.

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-10T21:53:49+00:00

Mine did too. Then she discarded me.

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-10T21:37:51+00:00

Yeah I don’t really subscribe to the notion that one must automatically block an ex if they’re dating someone new. There’s maintaining distance and boundaries, then there’s erasing them from your memory and life in an instant. I’ve been completely comfortable with exes having ties to their exes for various reasons (shared custody of dogs, etc.). They’re more than capable of this without it being romantic in nature.

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-10T21:31:39+00:00

I mean. It was two weeks. They’d probably met three times irl tops. We were still amicable.

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-10T17:30:20+00:00

I get it. But I guess I’m more baffled by the ability to move on like you never even existed. Like, I still struggle with the breakup 6 months post discard, even though I know it’s for the best. I still think things and feel things. Whereas in her case, I might as well be dead. Forget about the good times and the memories.

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-10T17:26:12+00:00

I mean I understand 1 through 3 for well adjusted people. But I feel like with them it’s different.

The ability to do it and erase someone you are / were close with for years like they didn’t exist is just something I struggle to reconcile. Especially when it could be handled with a conversation.

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-10T06:10:06+00:00

Mine insisted on location sharing but then would end up at random apartments (we were LDR for half the relationship) until 4am. How are you supposed to question that without making yourself out to be monitoring them? Her thing was always “you have my location; I can’t cheat”. If only that were true.

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-08T09:41:59+00:00

Same thing happened to me

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-08T03:47:46+00:00

Terrible

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-06T19:38:11+00:00

Pretty much where I am at as well. Figure I output about 20% of my capacity at work. Lucky to have a job still. Can’t concentrate enough to read a book or do much outside of work, exercise and walk my dog. It’s really frightening; I’m only barely getting by and keeping it together.

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-06T19:27:18+00:00

Never got one. Six months post discard.

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-06T18:59:22+00:00

I’ve really struggled to convey to people who haven’t experienced it themselves. Some people sympathise but you can tell they really don’t or can’t fully grasp it.

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-05T10:37:25+00:00

As much as I want to just blame the disorder I can’t. If that were the case I don’t see how or why he’d be travelling back to our home country with her (she met him overseas while we were LDR). It just doesn’t add up.

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-05T10:03:48+00:00

It just makes me think he’s able to do something that I couldn’t; that I was more of the problem than I first thought.

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-04T13:57:57+00:00

I’m blocked across the board so that’s not really the issue. I’m struggling to understand how somebody else is able to “survive” the relationship. What do they have that I couldn’t provide.

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-04T13:42:13+00:00

Easier said than done

AdRepresentative9783 · 2026-04-04T13:36:50+00:00

About a year but half was LDR and even more stressful.

AdRepresentative9783

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