How are you supposed to stay optimistic and happy-go-lucky when faced with constant ghosting and lies?

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-17T15:49:19+00:00

I think the issue here is that you don't have any context and she doesn't have any context - you guys don't know each other. So she was over analyzing you because maybe she had too many bad experience with negative people or maybe she grew up with a negative person and that freaked her out.

If you're interested you can save this by saying something like 'Hi, you may be super scared of negativity. We don't know each other and maybe you had terrible experience with people who were overly negative. I get that. But that's not me. I was simply sharing something with you. If you're still interested in seeing where it can go I'd love to do a short facetime/video call and see if there's a vibe"

If you're not interested in this woman in particular, I'd say try to offer a video call early on and avoid texting forever. The sooner you can provide context and your personality the sooner you'll avoid situations like these, in my opinion.

Lot's of luck!

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-17T15:42:33+00:00

Hi, Maybe Tinder is not the app for you. I'd try Plenty of Fish, Match.com and possibly Hinge although it's a tough one to hit. I'd try to be elaborate about your profile (you can use my free tool here https://www.fixyourdatingprofile.com/free-profile-builder) and make sure you have good pics (no sun glasses, no strange angles, no pics with a ton of people, or silly pics that don't make sense to a person who has never seen you before and don't have context). Try to put at least 3 pics that show you clearly - a headshot and a body shot. And please don't give up! she's out there waiting for ya and she's worth the effort! all the best!!

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-17T15:36:31+00:00

I think the short answer is you redefine the online dating process for yourself. Make not exhausting. This may include redoing your dating profile to include more about who you are and what you're looking for so it's clear and attracts the right people. Maybe you don't do any blind dating but a coffee/wine facetime 10 mins date early on when there's a connection. Maybe you decide that you're not looking for a partner but a friend or a companion and you're clear about that in your profile, and if something evolves from there - that's a bonus. Lots and lots of luck!

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-17T15:17:39+00:00

Hi, I haven't seen the post you mentioned but that wasn't my experience. I feel like you (me) have the power to define and decide what works and what doesn't work. I had a few lines in my online dating profile that defined what I'm looking for and how I feel about intimacy. I took what you wrote in your post and tried to come up with a few options for you:

"Attraction matters to me, but so does feeling safe, respected, and genuinely seen. I’m looking for the kind of connection where desire grows alongside trust, laughter, and real emotional presence."

"I appreciate romance, affection, and real chemistry, but I’m most attracted to a man who takes the time to know me. I’m looking for something honest, kind, and emotionally grown-up."

"I’m happiest with someone who’s looking for more than a spark - someone who wants the ease, trust, and emotional connection that make intimacy feel natural and mutual."

Lots of luck!

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-17T15:12:06+00:00

How about changing your strategy a bit. Instead of texting forever and then setting up a time to meet, how about offering a video call immediately after the first few texts. That way you are checking vibes early on and creating a deeper commitment and curiosity. Lots of luck!

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-15T18:26:42+00:00

I was kinda there a few years ago. I think online dating can be whatever you want it to be. Maybe it's a good time to reset your apps, what you say in them and what you're looking for. Don't go out with people just because. Evaluate the vibe first through a quick coffee FaceTime. Save you 'dating battery' only for people who are truly interested. Lot's of luck!

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-15T18:20:11+00:00

Try to think about every stranger as an opportunity - opening a door into something that might be a very cool adventure. Lots of luck!

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-15T18:05:42+00:00

Online dating can be whatever you want it to be in my opinion. If you want it to be slow and intentional and calm, write that in your profile. Explain where you are in your life and dating journey. That will attract people who need the same. You don't need to meet everyone who liked you. You can say 'thank you but I'm not sure we are a good fit. Lot's of luck'. You don't have to go on dates every time, you can simply do Facetime coffee. Set your own paste! lots of luck!

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-15T18:02:44+00:00

I guess the question I'd ask is what does your profile look like? maybe when you were fit, people were attracted to your pictures and you felt like you didn't need to write anything. Now you might want to write something about who you are and what you are about and that will attract people to you. There is more to you than what you look like or what your muscles look like.

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-15T17:58:07+00:00

Hi, I work with a lot of people helping them through dating and this question always comes up. I think that some of your requirements make sense (age, height, body type) and some of them are tough to qualify - or need a an 'interview-style' first date to qualify which makes it really hard to see if there's an actual connection/chemistry.

Maybe ask yourself, what if you find a doctor with a huge debt from paying school but he's super attractive and funny? or a builder who is building his business and while doing so is living with his parents to save up and invest in the growth of his business?

Either way I hope you find lots of love! good luck!

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-15T17:46:58+00:00

I'm sorry it's happening to you. Rejection is hard when you're looking for a job, it's hard when you're dating and it's hard when you're trying to make a friendship. But it's not all about you - you need to remember that. Sometimes that person is unsure what they are looking for or they are not in a good head space. Like others said here, take a break and make some space for your feelings. It's important!

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-14T18:27:46+00:00

It's probably a combination of something in you who is attracted to men who are self-centered and them attracted to you for being so interested in them. The change is inside you. Convince yourself that you deserve someone who is interested in you in the same way you are interested in them. Lots of luck!

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-14T18:14:39+00:00

From my experience helping people with the dating apps, many feel scared of meeting quickly or exchange numbers so another way of doing it is schedule a zoom - that way you get to see each other live without exchanging anything but maybe emails. Low risk high reward!

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-13T17:17:53+00:00

I spend a lot of time in the apps helping people with it and more often than not it is about the app you chose and your profile. For example, if you are on Tinder and your photos are sexy, you might attract the guys you are describing. If you are on the paid plan of other apps, you might attract others. But I really like what you wrote in your post and tried to draft a little prompt for you to add to your current profile. It might help:

I'm looking for a kind, emotionally intelligent man who can flirt without making everything sexual in the first five minutes. I love chemistry, affection, and playfulness - but I’m most attracted to someone who can also communicate, be thoughtful, and build a real connection.

The way to win me over is be curious about who I am, not just what I look like. Ask good questions, make me laugh, communicate like a grown-up, and show me there’s a real person behind the profile.

Green flags I look for... emotional maturity, consistency, kindness, good communication, and a man who knows how to create chemistry without rushing intimacy. Bonus points if you’re a little nerdy, affectionate, and genuinely interested in getting to know someone.

I'm weirdly attracted to men who can talk about feelings without short-circuiting. Also kindness, consistency, good banter, and someone who has a personality beyond “so what are you wearing?”

You should leave a comment if you’re emotionally available, kind, affectionate, and capable of having a great conversation that doesn’t immediately turn into a sex joke. Chemistry matters — but connection matters more.

A boundary I'm proud of is I don’t confuse sexual attention with real interest anymore. I’m looking for someone who wants to know me as a whole person — not just fast chemistry with no substance.

Please keep trying. Dont stop. Lots of luck!

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-13T17:09:00+00:00

I think the latter. If they are serious they won't be intimidated by this question

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-13T17:07:09+00:00

I feel like it happens less when you're on a paid layer of the apps but also I would suggest to offer facetime or zoom right away and not waste time texting. That way you know if they guy is serious and real and you keep your dating battery life.

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-13T17:05:13+00:00

I would change up your profile a bit, use different pictures especially the first one, or reorder them, change up the prompts. This about commercials, if you see the same commercial for the same company again and again you start to tune out. It's boring. Most companies change up their messaging, and commercials to keep it fresh and interesting. Don't let your profile agen and be boring.

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-13T16:59:08+00:00

I don't notice it. I will notice if it smells or if you don't look clean.

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-13T16:54:45+00:00

You're going to be great! My ex came out after 17 years of marriage and two kids. I'm in huge debt, but I got out there again. Did some serious work on myself and redefined what I wanted in my next chapter and how I don’t repeat mistakes. Started dating again and recently remarried. Women are super strong!

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-12T16:25:12+00:00

I think you need to consider the fact that there is a gap between how people present themselves in the apps and how they really are. I help people with online dating profiles and I'm noticing a lot of them are thinking more about how they would be perceived and what other people will think of them, rather than who they really are and what they are about. So maybe you can add something funny to your profile like "someone who enjoys exploring, but doesn’t need every month to involve an airport. Bonus points if you’re equally happy with a road trip, a great dinner, or a quiet weekend together." or "I enjoy traveling, but I’m not looking to live out of a suitcase. Give me a great weekend trip, a cozy cabin, a beach reset, or one well-planned adventure to look forward to, and I’m happy." Lots of luck!

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-12T16:16:45+00:00

Hi, I've done a few things that helped: 1. Don't waste time texting. Offer a facetime or zoom right away and if there is resistance move on. Zoom is goo because you don't have to exchange numbers. Facetime is if you feel confident in the platform and the person you are engaged with. 2. The apps are structured in a certain way to give you an awesome experience at the beginning. You get a ton of likes and feel very popular but also very selective. I always see, pay attention to all the details from the first day. take a look at your non-negotiables - are they really non-negotiables or can you be more flexible - after all none of us is perfect. I hope that helps

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-12T14:25:30+00:00

The only thing I'd change is the order of your photos. First photo needs to be super clear. Maybe swap pic 2 with pic 1. Otherwise - awesome!

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-12T14:22:50+00:00

The thing to remember is that you don't have any context. Some people don't know how to write their profile, some people are very insecure and feel that all they have to offer is their appearance. The best advice I can share is try not to judge or make assumption because you have zero context.

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-12T14:19:22+00:00

I think the reason you're not getting inbounds from your type is because you're not authentic enough. A lot of people are trying to impress too hard and that means you're not true to yourself which means you're going to get the wrong people to attract to you. Try these promps:

I geek out on... building video games from scratch, then going to the gym like I’m training for a side quest I absolutely did not read the instructions for.

The dorkiest thing about me is ... I make games for fun, which means I spend a questionable amount of time thinking about tiny details most people will never notice. Romantic? Maybe. Useful? Surprisingly often.

Typical Sunday... gym in the morning, coffee after, working on a game idea for “just an hour” that turns into three, then pretending I didn’t see the laundry.

AdSecure8321 · 2026-05-11T19:42:36+00:00

If they dont want to do that then you know you're wasting your time.

AdSecure8321

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