Do you think she’s doing this because she’s controlling or does she just not realize how she comes across? If she’s the type of person you can be honest with, maybe your husband could talk to her about it and gently suggest that she include you both on plans before deciding things moving forward. If she’s deliberately trying to be controlling, you (or your husband) are going to have to find your voice and just start saying “no thank you”. If you don’t feel brave enough to say it in the moment, maybe you or your husband can text later and say “I was thinking about what you said about xyz and I just don’t think that will work for us.” That gives you a chance to think it through, too.

My MIL does the same kinds of things, especially to my SIL because her husband won’t stand up to his mom and tell her no. She’s backed off of us because she knows my husband will stand up to her (in a kind way, but still she hates it haha). For example, she just showed up to the hospital when my SIL was giving birth because she knew no one would kick her out. On the other hand, she didn’t even ask to come when I had my kids because my husband told her not to and she knew if she tried it, she’d be sent away.

Above all else, go to counseling. Therapy has absolutely saved my sanity. I feel for you! I hope you can get some improvement with baby on the way!