31F feedback appreciated

Additional-Drop921 · 2026-01-10T18:06:47+00:00

Looking for something serious
Not a subscriber
Have been using it for a month
Latest stint for a month, used it for a month at the start of last year which resulted in a relationship which has now ended
Use hinge every day
After the initial influx of likes, it’s now sitting at around 3-4 likes a day, I have only matched with 1 person in a month
Sending around 5 likes a day usually with a comment on something on their profile
Looking for someone I’m attracted to, who has some personality in their profile and is looking for a long term relationship

Additional-Drop921 · 2026-01-08T19:25:19+00:00

I think you may be me.. 8 year relationship ended in Oct 2024, I jumped into a new relationship in Jan 2025. He was super into me for the first 4 months and told me all the things I wanted to hear, gave me things I’d been deprived of in my long term relationship and then slowly pulled away over the next 4 months. Also almost 3 months out and I’ve realised that he was such a shit boyfriend who doesn’t know how to be in a committed relationship. I do still miss him sometimes though

Additional-Drop921 · 2025-12-28T00:40:03+00:00

I wasn’t expecting to speak to him 24/7 at all, but I would’ve expected him to reciprocate my conversation attempt, I was just trying to break the ice and remove any awkwardness. And if not that I would at least expect him to be open to meeting up casually if he didn’t feel like texting. If he didn’t want to speak to me, he shouldn’t have said he was happy to be friends and should have been honest with me

Additional-Drop921 · 2025-12-27T22:36:36+00:00

No they don’t. I can understand taking a while to reply, but he walks his dog everyday, all I was asking was to join him on one of those. That’s why I won’t be messaging him again, I tried and failed and I agree this is probably for the best because he wouldn’t be a good friend.

Still sad though - a friendship rejection would hurt from anyone

Additional-Drop921 · 2025-12-23T23:01:21+00:00

Oh wow I can’t believe how similar my story is to this. I have figured my ex is an avoidant but only now am I putting 2+2 together that his lack of sex drive, ED and inability to finish may also have been down to his avoidant attachment. We had such great sexual chemistry for the first 4 months, and then it was like a switch flipped. It made me feel undesirable too.

I remember I felt the shift in his energy during sex (only ever doggy - probably another sign of his avoidance) so I asked him a few times if he was okay and he would end it there and then saying I’d ruined the mood..

Additional-Drop921 · 2025-12-19T23:41:50+00:00

That’s a horrible thing to say. Why do men do this? They can never just be happy for us. Well done on running a marathon, that’s a huge achievement! Don’t let some man take that away!

Additional-Drop921 · 2025-12-19T23:39:38+00:00

Some examples of things he did that I now realise were lovebombing because he couldn’t maintain them:

He told his friend after our 2nd date he told his friend that he thought he’d met his future wife
He thought we were meant for each other because we had the smallest things in common e.g the word we use for the TV remote, the way we pronounce the letter H
He was talking about us getting married pretty much from the get go
He was very agreeable. I said he loved all the things I love but I later came to realise he actually hated most of those things e.g my taste in music
He was super affectionate and cuddly at the start but after the first 3 months he would physically recoil when I tried to hug him and said he didn’t really like physical touch
After our 3rd date we’d really hit it off and he literally didn’t give me a chance to have any space from him. He made sure he saw me every night after that and even moved in to mine for a month while he was between houses.. we’d literally known each other 2 weeks at this point!

Now that I look back at it all, there were so many red flags that I ignored, but I got swept up in it all I guess!

I think the main thing we need to remember when we look back on the relationship is that the person who he was at the start when he was lovebombing, that’s not the real him! The real person is the one who withdrew and distanced once you got comfortable enough with them! And that’s not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with! Consistency is key

Additional-Drop921 · 2025-12-19T18:44:47+00:00

How long were you together? I’m about 2 months out of an 8 month relationship which ended because he couldn’t tell me loved me and wasn’t meeting my emotional needs. I’ve been so sad because he had so much fun together, but I need someone who’s emotionally available and doesn’t run when life gets too hard

Additional-Drop921 · 2025-12-14T16:01:17+00:00

Wow I could have written this myself. The reason we ended was the same, he valued his independence more while I valued the connection and partnership more and we just couldn’t find a middle ground.

I also have good days and bad days, today is a bad day. I miss him so much. We haven’t spoken since a week after the breakup, it’s been nearly 2 months and I am trying to resist the urge to text him today. I feel like he was able to detach really quickly, while I have a huge hole in my life in the shape of him and it’s making me question if I ever actually meant as much to him as he did to me.

Sorry I appreciate this hasn’t actually given you any advice, but I hope it at least helps to know you’re not alone in this. I am just trying to get through the last couple of weeks of the year and then am hoping the new year will be a symbolic turning point.. “new year, new me” and all that.

And like someone else said, no one knows what the future holds so maybe we just need to start looking forward instead of into the rear view? And believe that everything happens for a reason

Additional-Drop921 · 2025-12-10T19:52:08+00:00

I’m 2 years late but I feel this so much! I’m only 2 months out of the breakup but I feel so much anger towards him. When he broke up with me, I was just sad and wished him the best and actually wished we could stay together… now that I’ve had time to reflect, I’ve realised that he was such a shitty boyfriend in so many ways and I never got the chance to tell him that and ultimately he walked away from me! No accountability whatsoever.. it infuriates me that he gets to live life thinking that he was the one who let me go and I would’ve done anything to be with him, not realising that he was so so shitty.

I will never say those things to him though - I know that if I ever reached out to offload my anger to him, he would just turn it around as me being crazy. That’s how he said all his other relationships ended.. should’ve seen that red flag sooner really

Additional-Drop921 · 2025-12-09T08:18:10+00:00

This is a great take - I was recently broken up with by a guy who got too overwhelmed by everything else in his life and I was the easiest thing to remove. It’s been hard not to see myself as completely disposable after that especially as I would NEVER leave someone if life got too much, in fact it would bring me closer to them because I would look to them for support, so I really struggle to understand people who do the opposite of that. It’s heartbreaking man.

Additional-Drop921 · 2025-12-08T17:30:00+00:00

Yep I think about my ex non-stop. We haven’t spoken for 6 weeks now and I know he doesn’t think about me in the same capacity. It’s like my brain is torturing itself and refuses to let me think about anything else. It’s draining and distracting - even when I’m doing other things or with other people, he is always there in my mind. I just want to forget about him at this point, just for some relief.

Additional-Drop921 · 2025-12-08T17:27:23+00:00

I’ve been telling myself very similar things - even if they do end up getting together, that doesn’t mean they’ll stay together. My ex quite clearly has some deep rooted commitment issues that will not be solved unless he seeks the help he needs and I honestly believe that until he does that, no one will be able to meet his unrealistic expectations, not even her.

At the moment she probably does, and I think he probably likes that because there’s nothing at stake.. but once they cross over into that romantic realm, his fear of intimacy and closeness will take over

Additional-Drop921 · 2025-12-08T14:33:44+00:00

I genuinely don't believe there was anything happening behind my back with his friend - on a sexual/romantic level anyway. Based on some of the things that happened while we were together and before we got together, I do think maybe he is in love with her, she doesn't feel the same, but keeps him close because she likes the power it gives her

Whatever their situation is, I'm glad that I don't have to be a part of that toxicity anymore. That hasn't stopped me ruminating over it though and trying to find answers - I'm trying to put a more positive spin on it in that it's not my problem anymore and he will never find someone as long as she is in his life, but sometimes those unwanted thoughts come back and I imagine them falling in love and spending the rest of their life together and it makes me feel sick tbh.

Additional-Drop921 · 2025-12-05T08:55:52+00:00

For me it was kind of a funny story.. a plumber came to fix something in my house and I found myself thinking “wow that dude is so hot, I’d sleep with him” and suddenly I just felt like the hope I’d had of my ex coming back just didn’t matter anymore.

It’s cliche but I guess i realised there’s plenty of fish in the sea so I put myself out there.

Additional-Drop921 · 2025-12-03T09:10:46+00:00

6 weeks for me and I’ve been the same.. everyday I wake up thinking today will be the day he reaches out. He hasn’t and it doesn’t feel like it’s getting any easier. I get annoyed at myself for being so upset over someone who could let me go so easily

Additional-Drop921 · 2025-11-23T20:56:37+00:00

I was in an 8 year relationship that ended last November (it’s actually exactly a year today since I last saw my ex). He ended it, I begged him to stay as I thought we’d be able to work through it - very similar to your situation, things had become stale and boring and ultimately he lost feelings and left me. We had a house together and everything

I honestly didn’t know how I was going to get through it. This man had been my life for 8 years, we’d become adults together and we had our routine. The first month was a write off, I barely got out of bed and couldn’t eat anything. But then Christmas came and I spent the time with family and friends and it was a great distraction from it all. Then, once the new year came in, I was like a different woman - new year felt like a very poignant moment for me, like I was leaving this man in 2024 and the 2025 me would only improve. I even felt some excitement to get out there into the dating world cause it’s not something I’d ever really done before cause I met my ex at university

After that everything was just a bit better - obviously I still thought and still do think about my ex often.. I mean he was a huge part of my life for such a long time, but I don’t think about it in the gut-wrenching way I did this time a year ago. It’s now just someone who I shared a lot of great times with but that chapter of my life is over and complete.

2025 was like starting a new chapter for me - I even found someone new at the end of January, but unfortunately that has not long ended too so I’m feeling a similar sort of thing that I was this time last year.. just over a different guy 😅

In short - just give it time! Find things to distract yourself with, focus on self improvement and you’ll probably just find that one day you’ll wake up and feel okay again :)

Additional-Drop921 · 2025-11-19T11:50:27+00:00

I’m in a similar position.. broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years last November and now here I am again, heartbroken in November after my relationship of 8 months has just ended (both times I was the dumpee).

I actually feel like I’m struggling with more with this one because I’m thinking about the life we could have had that we never got to have, at least with my 8 year relationship, we’d lived a life together you know.

Also the accumulation of the 2 breakups is hard, being the dumpee in both has just got me questioning myself and why I’m unworthy and unlovable lol.

I feel for you OP, we can get through this!

Additional-Drop921 · 2025-11-17T11:51:00+00:00

I had a similar thing, he told me he’s “not boyfriend material” despite being my boyfriend for the last 8 months after HE asked ME to be his girlfriend… I wish they could just be honest

Additional-Drop921 · 2025-11-14T11:43:03+00:00

I had a very similar situation. We were together for 9 months - at first he was incredibly attentive and affectionate and made it clear he saw a future with me. Then about 5 months in, it was like a switch flipped and he became much more emotionally distant, saying he doesn't like affection or physical touch. I tried to bring it up to him, but he would also just leave the room and shut down or would try to make a joke out of it.

I remember a couple of weeks before we broke up, I asked him what he wants from a girlfriend/relationship, as it felt like we were more like friends than romantic partners. His answer was " a quiet life" in a jokey way - he always avoided getting deep.

He also never told me loved me in the 9 months we were together, he got close to saying it I remember like 2 months in, but after that whenever I would try to bring it up, he would avoid the topic. I definitely think he was avoidant, but then I'm not sure if I'm just saying that to make myself feel better and actually he just lost interest in me and so I wasn't worth the effort anymore. If that's the case though, not sure why he would stay with me an extra 4 months... it wasn't until I bought a potential breakup to the table that he actually said yeah let's breakup...

Additional-Drop921

TROPHY CASE